dstgeorge2 Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 Every morning I roll out of bed, in a clam daze. The world seams fuzzy and far for a short moment, whisper rush past my ears, the hissing of the water heater or the grunts of my still sleeping girl friend. But this morning I didn’t roll out of bed as normal or even hear the screams of my water heater. I could only hear the faint beats of my heart, causing me to pull my blanks tighter around me. The world doesn’t seam the same, tainted. Tainted with the knowledge of how shallow it waters are. I guess I have to go back a few days before to explain how I was re-woken in this state of being.Friday night, the air seamed sweet as if someone had been spinning cotton candy into the air around me. We (Sheila and me) had come to the designs of going out to socialize with the people on an Internet board. Who had gathered in a small Italian restaurant for a meal and drinks. To bring in the marry ment. We had plans to attend Twilo afterwards but had been convinced into going to Vinyl with all the cool kids. We had also been invited to follow everyone to a Lounge where the drinks would flow. But we became lost and in the company of another group that lead us to a small apartment where people laughed and socialized. The group of girls I attend with didn’t have much in common with these peoples and wished to find the original group to take part in the drinking. Being only one of the six, I quickly agreed not wanting to damper they’re evening.It seamed to be getting late and we became lost in the streets of tribace, spinning in circles around the blocks. We had given up on finding the Lounge and focused on finding Vinyl. We found out place, and quickly jumped in line. The doors hadn’t opened yet due to some problems inside. I just sat cold and bundled up trying to protect myself from the wind. Which now lacked cotton candy dreams. Time seamed to creep by as it always does when you’re waiting in line. People a heard into their groups speaking of dancing, drugs and the weather.I felt sleepy and the music seam like a shaman’s lullaby, I sat in a seat by the bathroom and lend my head forward. My eyes over took my mind plunging me into a dark slumber. All the girls quickly tossed their coats into my arms. Only one girl stayed with me due to her painful shoes. I was reawaken by a large bouncer telling me to go check in the coats. I grumbled and quickly nodded back to him. I really didn’t want to agree but what could I say? I run off in a huff looking for the rest of the girls so they could wait inline with me to hang all 5 of their coats. I was unable to find them and the tribal beats came and began to rack on my just waking mind. I took my coat and only my coat and waited in the line to check it in. Eventually the girls all appeared holding their own coats. After a wait in line we where able to check in all out pain. Now awake and the grumpyness leaving my bone I walked to the dance floor. After an hour or two everyone wanted to rest. The funky beats had no steak in my heart so I agreed and stood over everyone else. I wanted to dance more after a while so pulled Sheila back to the dance floor. We returned to the others at a later time. The seamed dead. I asked the time, but don’t recall it. It must have been 3 or 4. And they wanted to go home. I wasn’t ready but Sheila and me agreed they could just knock or ring the bell and Nathan would let them in. So they hurried off. We stayed and danced more the music became more annoying and single beat the longer we stayed around 5 or 6 my legs felt tried and my mind bored. We both agreed to leave. After the longest wait in line for our coats we ran out of into a New World. I didn’t know, I didn’t know. The ground was covered in a trick lining of show. A blanket for the city that never sleeps. I meshed along in its banks and Sheila stepped behind me in my footprints. Like two children playing follow the leader. Every time I’d come to a place of snow-free-ness I’d jump up and down to clean the snow off my souls. It didn’t seam that cold, I guess it was cause I had been sweating in the club, and the cold air was breathing new life into me.We waited for the subway; I didn’t even take note of what line I was taking, I only knew I’d be changing trains at Time Square. I changed train to the all mighty 7, where Sheila lend into my laps and I on to her back and both closed our eyes a to sleep. I reawake a few stops before mine. My arm had fallen asleep so I shock it in an odd matter trying to wake it up. But it wanted to remain a sleep, don’t think I could blame it.The train arrived at my stop and I gentle shock Sheila awake. Confused she nodded and quickly sat up. We both walk out to see more whitness. Every car seamed coated in milk and all the stores blacked. Nothing seamed open beside a lone dunckin donuts. I laughed 7 in the morning and the sun was starting to turn the sky to a dark blue, from it midnight darkness. I walked into my building to see 3 cops, with what looked like a stretcher. The told me to take the right staircase. My first thoughts where that some old lady had fallen or something. I laughed and thanked my stairs it wasn’t my house. I opened my door to be greeted lights and wake faces. I laughed joyfully and questioned why they where up at this hours. Their face, just return blank empty looks. As some magical voice stepped in. Just as I turned to see one of New York’s Lest Finest. Before I could make out the words of the voice. My eyes paned the room in hopes to understand. Who wasn’t here in my presents? What? Overdoes? No? Drugs? No... My mind rant threw a list of what could happened. Alcohol Poisoning.... No. Then the voice’s words became clean “T**** was raped, by...... “ Every thing fuzzed, just like it does when I roll out of bed every day. The Fuzz or rejection and trying to replace it with a more claim nice reality. But my mind had no place to run only listened.”... a guy in the hall... here.. in your building.”I then sat down, just sat my sleepiness was removed and replaced with distrust, fear, and anger. NYPD sat and chatted with the people who saw anything. I walked my house, wish for the scum to leave. They made every one feel as if it had been a crime to call 911. Time passed and the cops left, telling us a detective would come, soon.; They didn’t know how soon, cause of the snow. I fell a sleep after a long time on recalling every thing in my mind and replaying it with small changes the changes that would prevent all of this. My story has more, but I feel the rest doesn’t matter... nothing really matters too much. Cause how shallow it waters are... you have to watch out so you don’t drown in them. I’ve had worst things happened to me, but it takes until a point that you really question... ------------------"You all laugh at me becasue I'm different, I laugh at you because your all the same." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stacychase Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 what a sad, sad story. i am sorry that this has happened.------------------Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdogg Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 Dan - What can anyone say in light of this. Your recounting of your night is deeply touching and disturbing. I can only hope that the pain and injury will heal with time.------------------JDoggAIM: JDoggNY2000 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abyss347 Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 I'm so sorry to hear this, but it's true we have to be careful out there. I think it was nice of you to post this. Gets one thinking. Take care...[This message has been edited by abyss347 (edited 01-02-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abyss347 Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 Originally posted by abyss347:I'm so sorry to hear this, but it's true we have to be careful out there. I think it was nice of you to post this. Gets one thinking. Take care...[all thingz happen 4 a reason one day you'll understand those reasons] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstgeorge2 Posted January 2 Author Report Share Posted January 2 Originally posted by jdogg:Dan - What can anyone say in light of this. Your recounting of your night is deeply touching and disturbing. I can only hope that the pain and injury will heal with time.I'd be nice to think that it goes away. For her, but every day I walk in the building I'll be reminded. I've been sexual abused as a teenager, and you know, for her it not going to just go away, you can try to forget. It'll re-arise make her question everything. It's pretty sad, and I don't want to sound dark. But writing it maybe someone will feel as if they aren't the only one or anything... as long as you feel. Whatever it maybe.------------------"You all laugh at me becasue I'm different, I laugh at you because your all the same." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeydollaz Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 thats an awful story ... although , your writing is profound ... hopefully , everything will be brought to justice and you wont turn your back on the city and you'll continue to feel safe in your home .. dont hold the city and/or world responsible for the acts of some dirt bag ... as horible as this incident was , i'm sure this place has brought u and will bring you happy memories ten fold ... ------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ooana Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 Thank you for sharing your story. I hope your pain eases soon...and for your friend, I hope she finds strength in you and the people who care about her.As a rape survivor myself, I know all too well how difficult this situation will be for her and those that care about her. Hold faith in the warmth that will come and remember, "no one can take pain away, only give happy memories to weigh in the balance."-Oo------------------"When the soul wishes to experience something, she throws an image of the experience out before her, and enters into her own image."---"You have wings! Why don't I have wings?!"---"Cause you're a boy, silly.""For the Greeks, the hidden life demanded invisible ink. They wrote an ordinary letter and in between the lines set out to write another letter, written in milk. The document looked innocent enough until one who knew better sprinkled coal-dust over it. What the letter had been no longer mattered: what mattered was the life flaring up undetected..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassa Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 This was a horrible story... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathyo Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 .[This message has been edited by cathyo (edited 01-02-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ooana Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 I hope all is well in your life now.Everything, even horrible experiences...have some portion of them that are a gift. I do not regret what happened to me, and someday the woman that was posted about on this thread won't either. I know this is probably VERY hard for most people to understand.I'm saddened to hear what happened to her and what happens to thousands of women every year. If I can give any advice at all to her it would be, find a way to not think of yourself as a victim...be a survivor. There *is* a difference. Let the anger come, but do not target it at yourself. Target it at the man who hurt you for as long as you need to. Then...let it die. It needs to for you to heal.Is my life good now? Yes, in fact it's wonderful. I love my body again. I love sharing it. I trust men. And all in all, life has been one blessing after another lately. :-)Thank you for your warm words and your concern. Hopefully this woman will have pleanty of warmth surrounding her as well. She will, and does need it.-Oo------------------"When the soul wishes to experience something, she throws an image of the experience out before her, and enters into her own image."---"You have wings! Why don't I have wings?!"---"Cause you're a boy, silly.""For the Greeks, the hidden life demanded invisible ink. They wrote an ordinary letter and in between the lines set out to write another letter, written in milk. The document looked innocent enough until one who knew better sprinkled coal-dust over it. What the letter had been no longer mattered: what mattered was the life flaring up undetected..."[This message has been edited by ooana (edited 01-02-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickalicious Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 Originally posted by ooana: Everything, even horrible experiences...have some portion of them that are a gift. I do not regret what happened to me, and someday the woman that was posted about on this thread won't either. I know this is probably VERY hard for most people to understand.I'm saddened to hear what happened to her and what happens to thousands of women every year. If I can give any advice at all to her it would be, find a way to not think of yourself as a victim...be a survivor. There *is* a difference. Let the anger come, but do not target it at yourself. Target it at the man who hurt you for as long as you need to. Then...let it die. It needs to for you to heal.Is my life good now? Yes, in fact it's wonderful. I love my body again. I love sharing it. I trust men. And all in all, life has been one blessing after another lately. :-)Thank you for your warm words and your concern. Hopefully this woman will have pleanty of warmth surrounding her as well. She will, and does need it.-OoI agree totally with you Ooana....targeting anger at oneself and becoming a victim for something that is out of ones control is unproductive. I did that at the beginning when I had to deal with a violent rape situation (I didn't seek advice or help from anyone. I also didn't tell anyone for a long time. Furthermore, it was my first sexual experience ever). It made life very difficult, socailly and mentally.I too have moved forward and have an extremely beautiful relationship with the most wonderful man. I accepted who I was and now I am able to speak openly about it without getting the heart clenching feeling that haunted me for so long!Basically...if this girl or her friends would like to talk (which may take awhile), please feel free to PM me!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ooana Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 Originally posted by chickalicious: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathyo Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 .[This message has been edited by cathyo (edited 01-02-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickalicious Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 It's not too personal for me...it use to be but now I just want to help others (if at all possible).The one thought that kept me going once the pain subsided was...there is nothing I can do to change it! It's done and I am still here so I have to keep going! It took awhile and alot of love/patience from my wonderful man and my friends that I decided to talk to about it...but that thought worked.I think of myself as a better person for it. I wish it had never happened (kind of wasted my teenage years) but I am here loving my life now. Once I decided to talk to people it was the start of a slow but helpful healing process.[This message has been edited by chickalicious (edited 01-02-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exodust Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 i'm sorry to hear such a horrible story! To cheer you up a little, I think you would like to hear that i think your an awesome writer! Keep the Faith Bro, and make sure you take care of her------------------A bag of KB's, $60 A glass bowl, $85 A lighter, $ 1 GETTING HIGH, PRICELESS!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matta Posted January 3 Report Share Posted January 3 I too have been with someone who had been attacked. All you can do is to be as kind and understanding as possible... sounds obvious but it will be harder than you think. I hope it all works out for her and you. m Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matta Posted January 3 Report Share Posted January 3 one more thing... i know this isn't very p.c. but i hope they castrate the bastard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littled Posted January 3 Report Share Posted January 3 you all became a victim that fateful night. obviously not all to the same degree, but communicate with each other, and talk out your emotions. i wish i knew the words to ease your pain. so many things in the wrold around us question my faith--but may god bless you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickalicious Posted January 3 Report Share Posted January 3 Originally posted by dstgeorge2: I'd be nice to think that it goes away. For her, but every day I walk in the building I'll be reminded. I've been sexual abused as a teenager, and you know, for her it not going to just go away, you can try to forget. It'll re-arise make her question everything. It's pretty sad, and I don't want to sound dark. But writing it maybe someone will feel as if they aren't the only one or anything... as long as you feel. Whatever it maybe.I know it's easy for all of us to give you sympathy in this time of great sadness and distrust. But, even though this moment will live with all of you forever, PLEASE TRUST ME WHEN I SAY the pain and anguish caused by this does subside eventually. One day you will sit back and be able to use this horrific event to better who you are as individuals and friends. It takes a long time and alot of strength....but I did it and, even know I don't know you, I believe all of you can too.My heart is with you if ever you should need me!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.