divalicious Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 As I walk this world, experiencing, talking to and observing people, I'm starting to question the rules we have in place. I question these rules, as well as other things, because I am the type to try to look at things from different perspectives, accepting the one I feel is most beneficial. It has come to my attention that very many men and women cheat on their girl/boyfriends, and I think that it's just plain dumb. I mean, it really makes no sense at all. Why become exclusive, if you want to see other people? Stay "single" and you can do as you please... simple!OK, but if you are one of those people who has to be with someone (note: you may have issues) and you are one of the cheaters, or maybe you are just honest with yourself and want to be honest with the person you want to walk the world with... Or if you are just an opinionated ClubPlanet member =) luv you guys...What do you think of "open" relationships? Are these relationships healthier, because they don't deny the two people sexual variety? ------------------Is it Friday yet? Peace Love Happiness y'all DivaliciousNYC@aol.com [This message has been edited by divalicious (edited 02-21-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyco Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Absolutely.......but it's very seldom that two people who can handle the "open" relationship end up together........as for cheating......."Men are as faithful as their options" - Chris Rock"Women are as faithful as their conscience" - MeI believe that.......Mikey------------------"Some I consider my girlfriends, and some I just consider" - John Bender Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RLQ Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 I think that if you are one of those people who, does 'cheat' on their b/f or g/f, you should consider trying to have an open relationship......the reasoning being, if you are openly in a open realationship, then its ok for your partner to being doing there own thing as well.If you let your partner know how you feel about being with other people, their are no broken heart involved (or at least it wouldn't be a surprize when they found out..there was someone else) That is the reason that i think it might be healthier. Believe it or not their are a lot of people that would be ok with this..... me on the other hand...am not sure if i could do it. i have been in a relationship for 5 years and have been cheated on, it is the most devistating feeling in the world. Maybe in a new relationship....after discussing this open type of relationship, i could handle it.... but not with the guy im with now. Its been too long and we have to much of a past, i think i would get really jealous to see him with someone else. (it would have to be all or none with him)and i could never marry into an open relationship.... i think that it would def. be calls of disaster...but when you are younger and not thinking about marriage and a future...experimenting with it may be a good idea.....Don't think im nuts this is just my opinion....<3RLQ ------------------MUZIK IS MY LIFE & DANCING IS MY LOVE...<3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unbound Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by tyco:Absolutely.......but it's very seldom that two people who can handle the "open" relationship end up together........as for cheating......."Men are as faithful as their options" - Chris Rock"Women are as faithful as their conscience" - MeI believe that.......MikeyVERY TRUE! - good one Mike ------------------ Unbound getting UNWOUNDK alwayscomesbac K TëMAAIM: ZUinc2000 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ooana Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 I think its very rare that two people have the necessary maturity, honesty, openness and trust to have an open relationship.I've seen relationships like this fail, but I've also seen them succeed. It has less to do with each individual and all to do with both individuals and the nature of the relationship.Personally, I think I am far more comfortable with welcoming a "guest star" into my partner and my bed than an entirely open relationship. This could be however, that I've yet to meet a person who I've trusted enough.Also, I don't think you can really equate cheating with an open relationship. Its two entirely different motivations. One is deceptive, the other is accepted by both parties. I don't think you can discount the deception that is included in cheating...and the problems that such deception imply are going on in the relationship to begin with.-Oo------------------I am NOT a fag hag. I'm a fairy princess."When the soul wishes to experience something, she throws an image of the experience out before her, and enters into her own image." -Eckhart"I heard of a man that says words so beautiful that if he only speaks their name, women give themselves to him.If I am dumb by your body while silence blossoms like tumors on our lips it is because I hear a man climb the stairs and clear his throat outside our door." - Leonard Cohen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanna11 Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 an open relationship can work, and very well, if both parties can maintain that what is between them is just their own relationship and no one else's. meaning, they won't get jealous of the other's relationships with other people, and likewise, they won't make comparisons with the people they're seeingi think it's best expressed when you're with someone you like. because at that very moment, when you're with him/her, it just feels good and comfortable and yummy. you're not thinking of anyone else and you're not thinking of him/her being with anyone else. the only thing that exists is you two, for that moment (yes, i rolled mad good)i think open relationships are perfect for people who don't want the responsibility of exclusiveness, yet still love the feeling of being close (physically, and maybe emotionally) to someone------------------"real fucking high" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ooana Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by deanna11:i think open relationships are perfect for people who don't want the responsibility of exclusiveness, yet still love the feeling of being close (physically, and maybe emotionally) to someoneI think you touched on something really important here. Open relationships that are simply sexual I think are actually quite wonderful and can be quite fun. And understanding between partners who are sexual that their relationship is not exclusive can be fullfilling if both parties agree to the arangement.When there is more to the relationship between the original two partners than simply sex and simply (I'd HOPE) friendship...that's when things get more complicated.Or in other words...when the two are in love, that's where it gets rough. That's when issues such as trust, understanding, maturity and "openness" come into play. For me...when I am in love...I'm not comfortable (at least at this point in my life) not being part of the fun if my lover wants another person to play with ;-)Down the line...who knows. But sex changes when you're in love...at least for me. Its something that I simply don't like the idea of my partner experiencing without me to share it.-Oo------------------I am NOT a fag hag. I'm a fairy princess."When the soul wishes to experience something, she throws an image of the experience out before her, and enters into her own image." -Eckhart"I heard of a man that says words so beautiful that if he only speaks their name, women give themselves to him.If I am dumb by your body while silence blossoms like tumors on our lips it is because I hear a man climb the stairs and clear his throat outside our door." - Leonard Cohen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchid21 Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by ooana:I think its very rare that two people have the necessary maturity, honesty, openness and trust to have an open relationship.I've seen relationships like this fail, but I've also seen them succeed. It has less to do with each individual and all to do with both individuals and the nature of the relationship.Personally, I think I am far more comfortable with welcoming a "guest star" into my partner and my bed than an entirely open relationship. This could be however, that I've yet to meet a person who I've trusted enough.Also, I don't think you can really equate cheating with an open relationship. Its two entirely different motivations. One is deceptive, the other is accepted by both parties. I don't think you can discount the deception that is included in cheating...and the problems that such deception imply are going on in the relationship to begin with.-OoOoana, I couldnt have said better! you are my hero ------------------ "Luna, thank you so much!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karch Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 I personally would not be able to take an "open" relationship. I'm kinda seeing someone right now that has a boyfriend. I don't mind, we get to do the stuff we do, I love that!! But I'm one of those people that gets attatched a bit.All in all though if I had a "real" relationship, it couldn't be an "open" relationship at the same time. I don't believe they both go together.------------------*Did you find your ecstacy?*E-mail: PrimeKMB2@aol.comAIM: PrimeKMB2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stacychase Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 I am jealous by nature. I am not sure that I am capable or mature enough to handle something like that. ------------------Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Ooooo . . . great topic! Open relationships can be such a tricky thing. We go into them because we don't want to limit ourselves . . .we wanna give ourselves the room to roam as we please. It's almost like having your cake and eating it.HOWEVER, as human beings we tend to want thing/people that we DO NOT HAVE. And in an open relationship . . . do we REALLY have the other person? I've been in an open relationship many times and know people who have been in them and it always seems to back fire. ONE person always wants more . . . that's when it kinda goes bad. IF two people are truly mature enough to deal with it then it's all good, but we all know that in ANY relationship you're going to have the giver and the taker. One person is always going to love the other more . . .it's NEVER a mutual thing . . . not exactly 50/50 at least.In my opinion the only way a open relationshi can work is when the two people are already taken and are BOTH cheating with one another. And even then it might get sticky. IMO.BlueAngel------------------“Once in a while, in the middle of this thing called life, love throws us a fairy tale.” - Unkown Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nickijay Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 ok, i don't get this concept of an "open" relationship....this to me = dating. when you're simply dating someone and no commitment has been established you can do as you please in the bedroom with whomever you please and not have to explain yourself to anyone. to me, labeling a relationship as being "open" just gives your partner and yourself permission to fuck around. why bother even calling it an open relationship?? to me and open relationship is inviting a third or fourth partner into the bedroom to experience a little extra spice every now and then. regardless of the correct definition my attitude is why bother with labeling the relationship - just call it dating and do as you please or make a commitment and be able to stick to it. cheating sucks and there's no reason for it. a person who cheats is selfish - they want to have their cake and eat it too, but god forbid their partner gets to have a little taste!! ------------------ Boink like a bunny with spring fever!!!uknj@aol.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
risa06 Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by uknjx2:ok, i don't get this concept of an "open" relationship....this to me = dating. when you're simply dating someone and no commitment has been established you can do as you please in the bedroom with whomever you please and not have to explain yourself to anyone. to me, labeling a relationship as being "open" just gives your partner and yourself permission to fuck around. why bother even calling it an open relationship?? to me and open relationship is inviting a third or fourth partner into the bedroom to experience a little extra spice every now and then. regardless of the correct definition my attitude is why bother with labeling the relationship - just call it dating and do as you please or make a commitment and be able to stick to it. cheating sucks and there's no reason for it. a person who cheats is selfish - they want to have their cake and eat it too, but god forbid their partner gets to have a little taste!! bravo!!! Sweetheart, you took the words out of my mouth. There is no need to bring this "relationship" word in... when there is such a perfect word as "dating" exists. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boa_boy Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Are you guys drawing a line between Open relationships and Friends who Fuck aka Fuck Friends aka fuck buddies? I'm familiar with and very comfortable with the latter, which is prob a lot more common in the scene we're in more than amongst your regular friends (well it is where I come from ) The problem with the FWF concept is where the combination of Friend + sex causes one or both of the parties feelings and emotions to evolve to a crossroads where they need to consider proceeding as is, in an open relationship, or, heaven forbid, in a conventional relationship....... ------------------ ......Flamebait 4 the week: Glowsticks are NO!..............boa_boy@yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
divalicious Posted February 21 Author Report Share Posted February 21 While I abhor any kind of cheating... The cheaters to whom I was referring are not the ones who cheat, because of problems with themselves or their relationships. I was speaking to those who cheat simply because they want to screw other people. They have no desire to date, be emotionally intimate with, or otherwise attached to anyone else but their significant other. They want to hook up with someone and get down. This happens all the time. I understand that sex can be just about sex. I can certainly see a benefit to having a certain type of open relatioship. Maybe one where you and your partner share someone, or swap with a couple every now and again. The lust we all have would be satisfied and there is zero deception. You are in an emotionally exclusive relationship, you only spend time with your partner, building your lives together or what have you.Of course I also understand that for this type of relationship to work, the two people would need to be open-minded, honest and believe in candid communication.I am not asserting that this is something that I can or am willing to do. But it is something about which I've pondered, and had round table discussions. ------------------Is it Friday yet? Peace Love Happiness y'all DivaliciousNYC@aol.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vampienyc10 Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by blueangel:In my opinion the only way a open relationship can work is when the two people are already taken and are BOTH cheating with one another. And even then it might get sticky. IMO.BlueAngelCasey, I couldn't agree with you more !! Also, sooner or later one of the people in this "open relationship" is going to develop rather serious feelings for the other and there will be conflict...I couldn't handle that...When I am in a relationship I give ALL of me.. ALL 150% of my heart, body and soul!!! It's a partnership....That person is my best friend, confidant, other half....I also agree with Nicki..To me and open relationship = dating.. no ties- no commitment...I too have been cheated on, not by my current boyfriend, but one of my ex's; that tore me into a million pieces..The feeling of being deceived I can compare to NO other. It left such an impression on me....Every person I became involved with thereafter, I assumed would do the same...which, in turn, caused problems in those relationships.. I had to then take time to be alone.. which was the greatest serenitude for me.....I was able to build back my inner self and become the strong person I AM today...Ok I don't want to sound like a damn sermoneer so I'll shut up... Great topic Mo..Rikki call me or write to me !! love ya and miss ya girlie !! ()v()arcella------------------AIM vampienyc10e-mail: vampie@aol.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by vampienyc10: Casey, I couldn't agree with you more !! Also, sooner or later one of the people in this "open relationship" is going to develop rather serious feelings for the other and there will be conflict...I couldn't handle that...()v()arcellaYEP! You pretty much summed up what I was "TRYING" to say! hehe! Haven't heard from you in a while, Marcella! Hope to see you soon, girl!BlueAngel------------------“Once in a while, in the middle of this thing called life, love throws us a fairy tale.” - Unkown Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
back2basics Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 The nice thing about a relationship is the intimacy and the close bond you feel with them. In an open relationship I think it's hard to keep that going, knowing that your not sharing everything just with your partner.I had a bad(ish) experience, it was all ok if you keep it to sex. If you want more then I think somebody will always end up getting hurt.I know a few people who have tried, non are still together. When you are young though, why not.. why not be real. Very few people in relationships that are younger than 24 are going to stay together. But I though that is what the dating system here give you?[This message has been edited by back2basics (edited 02-21-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mel-o-d Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Wasn't going to chime in on this one but I couldn't help myself. I have seen plenty of friends cheat on serious relationships, and I have to admit, I have been the *other* woman before, and the only time someone cheats is when the relationship is long over. But then again, I guess cheating is different from an open relationship in that it's more regular, in that a relationship exist with the 3rd party, whereas open would imply no consistency what-so-ever. If you can handle it, more power to you, but for me, sex is exciting enough with two people involved.------------------Work like you don't need the money,Love like you have never been hurt,Dance like nobody is watching. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vampienyc10 Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by mel-o-d:Wasn't going to chime in on this one but I couldn't help myself. I have seen plenty of friends cheat on serious relationships, and I have to admit, I have been the *other* woman before, and the only time someone cheats is when the relationship is long over. But then again, I guess cheating is different from an open relationship in that it's more regular, in that a relationship exist with the 3rd party, whereas open would imply no consistency what-so-ever. If you can handle it, more power to you, but for me, sex is exciting enough with two people involved.No offense, but what's your point?? B2B, IMO, you're easily the most sensible person on the board! Casey !! How are ya hun!!! MUAH !!------------------AIM vampienyc10e-mail: vampie@aol.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djmikedr Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 my favorite part is that time *before* anything really happens with 3 or more people and your all sitting there "at that same level" and all knowing that play time is ahead. thats my apotheosis the 2 rules: be 100% honest and respecful with everyone.[This message has been edited by apotheosis (edited 02-21-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
back2basics Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by vampienyc10: B2B, IMO, you're easily the most sensible person on the board! Shit i will have to do someting about that!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nickijay Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by mel-o-d:[b the only time someone cheats is when the relationship is long overi don't think that's true.....my ex cheated on me a couple of times but it just made him realize (after i found out about it) that he really wanted to be with me. he didn't cheat b/c it was already over, he cheated b/c he wanted it ALL.....we didn't break up for three more years!------------------ Boink like a bunny with spring fever!!!uknj@aol.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vampienyc10 Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by back2basics: Shit i will have to do someting about that!! LOL!!! B2B you're the best !! ------------------AIM vampienyc10e-mail: vampie@aol.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by mel-o-d:and the only time someone cheats is when the relationship is long over. I'm sorry but the only people that say that are the ones that are trying to cover themselves with some logic of their actions. It's like what the mistress would say to the wife.When my ex-fiance cheated on me, we stayed together (like Nikki) for another three years. I knew he did and I guess I loved him so much that I wanted things to work out. Thought I couldn't find anyone better than him. I was wrong BIG TIME. Usually men/women who are married or in a serious relationship cheat because they don't want to lose the person they have . . . maybe because he/she are the person they really would spend the rest of their life with. The person they cheat with are just sexual fantasies. If they were any more important then he/she would leave whoever they are with for the other person, right?I would NEVER want to be the "other woman." BlueAngel------------------“Once in a while, in the middle of this thing called life, love throws us a fairy tale.” - Unkown Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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