petrol Posted June 25 Report Share Posted June 25 Do you think there has to be friction in a relationship for it to move forward, or is it just masochism?------------------I'm in search of myself. If you find me before I arrive, please have me wait.AOL IM: petrol01 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starcapone Posted June 25 Report Share Posted June 25 every relationship has it's ups and downs if it didn't that wouldn't be a healthy relationship!! ------------------ *make a pussy wet* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stacychase Posted June 25 Report Share Posted June 25 Yes all relationships have friction. However what are you talking about in regards to machoisism (sp) cause there is such a thing as to much of that!!!------------------Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petrol Posted June 25 Author Report Share Posted June 25 Originally posted by stacychase:Yes all relationships have friction. However what are you talking about in regards to machoisism (sp) cause there is such a thing as to much of that!!!Well, I heard an observation that many people don't feel like their relationship is going anywhere if there's no conflict in it. I realized I have often felt the same way, it's almost like the need for drama in our lives (we even see that on this board). No Drama, no fun. Or more clearly, 'If we have no conflict, we must not have a good relationship.' Which I both agree with and disagree with. I do agree that any relationship is bound to have points of disagreement, and discussion is the only way to reach mutual satisfaction.However, I think many people will get into unhealthy and unsatisfying relationships because we've been trained to believe that some level of conflict/discord means we must be in a 'real' relationship because of the notion that 'no conflict = no relationship'. And that brings us to masochism. Do we stay in masochistic* relationships because they feel more real? How much friction is ok for you, and when does it become unhealthy?*and I don't mean literally "S&M", that's a very different arena than I'm discussing and should probably be on the Sex board ------------------I'm in search of myself. If you find me before I arrive, please have me wait.AOL IM: petrol01 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jammy Posted June 25 Report Share Posted June 25 Originally posted by petrol:No no, you're not nuts.But I'm asking about limits. Clearly, to come to a meeting of the minds there is discussion.But I'm talking about how much friction we're willing to endure for the sake of a relationship we think is good. And how much is too much? What is the cutoff point when it becomes too much, and we break it off?I'll try to tackle this one:I think when one of the partners are unsure of the pace or have issues with the relationship itself they should bring it up with the other partner. I don't necessarily have to be a full out conflict but at least both parties are on the same page. I am so not a fan of silent relationships where one or both people do not talk about the relationship AT ALL for the sake of not have DRAMA or conflicts (ie: a silent agreement). People grow and sometimes people change. Its a part of life. For a relationship to flourish, it would be beneficial for both to understand one another and grow together.My understanding of too much conflict is when jealousy and pettiness is brought into the picture. That when some relationships get ridiculous and its time to "re-group" and handle the issues or break out of there. For me if the same situations/problems keep coming up and they are either not resolved mutually or one partner is too stubborn to try to understand, thats when I thrown my gloves in. I refuse to be nagging or beg to be listened to or be appreciated. For me the 'love' stops there . Good question petrol! Did I answer that one or was I babbling again -Jamms "ishouldbewritingacolumn" ------------------MUSIC is one thing...but soul is another...sapete Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teklord310 Posted June 26 Report Share Posted June 26 Yes. Friction does lead to Growth. Growth will peak rather quickly and lead to a certain amount of pleasure. After this the growth will receed and you both go to sleep. Sorry, had to go there. Personally, I think friction(arguments, disagreements) build and strengthen relationship. This way both partners get to learn more about each other and what to expect in the future. Good luck!------------------ "1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21 ....Mathematics is the language of nature" --BTAIM: teklord310 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rparadox Posted June 26 Report Share Posted June 26 Arguments, in a way, show that you care deeply enough about each other to get all worked up over something.------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying_high Posted June 26 Report Share Posted June 26 Damn that would mean that I haven't been into too many relationships...I always think that if there is constant friction and people aren't happy than - what's the point of being in this relationship. Isn't it supposed to make you happier, stronger and let you grow in knowing that you have someone to trust and believe in. So, what has constant fighting to do with it?! I don't even want to fight with my family and/or friends. So why would I think it healthy if fighting characterises my relationship to the one person I'm most attached too???? That somehow doesn't make any sense to me...oh gosh, is it again my weirdness ------------------ AIM: flying77highEmail:flying77high@yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petrol Posted June 26 Author Report Share Posted June 26 No no, you're not nuts.But I'm asking about limits. Clearly, to come to a meeting of the minds there is discussion.But I'm talking about how much friction we're willing to endure for the sake of a relationship we think is good. And how much is too much? What is the cutoff point when it becomes too much, and we break it off?------------------I'm in search of myself. If you find me before I arrive, please have me wait.AOL IM: petrol01 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petrol Posted June 26 Author Report Share Posted June 26 OK, I think this discussion is getting interesting.Now, lets consider when it's one-sided. You get worked up, but your partner doesn't. Is that just masochistic?, and how much will you take before you drop out?------------------I'm in search of myself. If you find me before I arrive, please have me wait.AOL IM: petrol01 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying_high Posted June 26 Report Share Posted June 26 Well, my answer would be that my level/limit is pretty low due to the fact that I'm pretty laid back and chilled, which means I don't get too wrapped up in fighting anyway. Most things...call it "discussion points", I find rather amusing and I just don't get really pissy about things...so, therefore: if I get to the point that I start fighting...it must be really bad and I must be REALLY annoyed already...so therefore, I'm not taking too much of it but rather cut the tie shortly afterwards ------------------ AIM: flying77highEmail:flying77high@yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trancerxn112 Posted June 26 Report Share Posted June 26 Def ups and downs... ups for good sex... downs for better sex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying_high Posted June 26 Report Share Posted June 26 Sorry I have to come back to that discussion again. Why do you all think that arguments and disagreements strengthen a relationship? I mean, I do understand that in some cases partners have different opinions and need to stand their grounds. Still, if a relationship is characterised by constant (or very repetative) arguments and fights, I don't get it. I mean, are those people only together because the sexual attraction is so strong...what is love then???!!!? I mean, I don't chose a friend with whom I'm constantly fighting either. So, isn't my partner supposed to be one of my best friends. So, why would I chose to share my life with someone who is in constant disagreement about my values, opinions and ethics....or even just my day-to-day activities (whatever the fights are about). If for example, people are fighting constantly about little stupid day to day business things.....Do you mean, I "care sooo much" about my partner that it gets me all mad that he doesn't empty out the dishwasher????? (hahaha...baby, no pun intended...I just couldn't come up with anything else ) I mean, maybe I'm a little bit thick but I still don't get it. So, what kind of fights are we talking about here????------------------ AIM: flying77highEmail:flying77high@yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abstrakt Posted June 26 Report Share Posted June 26 Originally posted by rparadox:Arguments, in a way, show that you care deeply enough about each other to get all worked up over something.True that bro...I just got a lesson in that this weekend lol ------------------Time's runnin' out, when will you wake up, wake up...Do it Do it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jammy Posted June 26 Report Share Posted June 26 Originally posted by petrol:OK, I think this discussion is getting interesting.Now, lets consider when it's one-sided. You get worked up, but your partner doesn't. Is that just masochistic?, and how much will you take before you drop out?When you are in a situation like that its VERY frustrating, VERY taxing, and you feel like you are wasting your time talking to a wall . Its like poking at a dead body, it doesn't respond. In that case, I would try my best over and over to make him see what the problem is, but if he is VERY immature and selfish then he will never understand what I am saying till his arse gets kicked to the curb. But sometimes even then they don't learn . All I ever ask from a (potential) boyfriend is to treat me like a woman and not like an accessory to their life.-Jamms "cuziamawoman" ------------------MUSIC is one thing...but soul is another...sapete Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petrol Posted June 26 Author Report Share Posted June 26 Ok, here's a few ideas to help direct the discussion."What kind of arguments are we talking about?"Taking the notion of 'Pain=Growth', lets assume the arguments are more irrational (fights) and focus on complaints about the relationship and the other person. This can be contrasted with the discussions and arguments Flying_High mentions which may produce results and increase communication/ compromise. I use this assumption because the topic is "Pain", not "Discomfort".Originally posted by rparadox: Arguments, in a way, show that you care deeply enough about each other to get all worked up over something. And this is also a good point... If your partner doesn't get upset with you over things, do they *really* care about you?------------------I'm in search of myself. If you find me before I arrive, please have me wait.AOL IM: petrol01 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying_high Posted June 26 Report Share Posted June 26 Originally posted by petrol:/And this is also a good point... If your partner doesn't get upset with you over things, do they *really* care about you?...or are they only to insecure to accept you and you're opinions as to what they are without getting mad and angry??? Why is the argument/fight seen as growth....growing what and developing into who??? Do I want to change the person into something I have in my head or do I love the person for who they are with all their "faults" (or maybe even because of them). Is it the poing of arguing about the relationship instead of living the relationship??? And if the opinions about a relationship are so different, should one person really press his or her values onto the other one??? Shouldn't the "right relationship" develop freely without getting pressed into something one or the other want it to be? I don't know....thanks Petrol for this interesting topic though.... makes me think (and keeps me from getting too bored at work ).------------------ AIM: flying77highEmail:flying77high@yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silente Posted June 26 Report Share Posted June 26 <shrugs> A certain amount of friction, I think, is good - it shows you're both still into the relationship enough to try to work out issues that are bothering you. Better getting things out (even in an argument) than letting them fester. At the same time, though, if fighting is *all* you do, or if you're only focused on the negative aspects of the relationship, that's sending a clear message, too - time to book it.------------------Nothing can be as savage as love...one taste is never enough... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stacychase Posted June 26 Report Share Posted June 26 No! No! I would rather be alone than have constant friction! Once in a while there is problems, however you work thru them. If we are constantly at each others throats, etc. Who needs that BS??????Relationships should have a certain of give/take and limited arguing IMHO.Have you ever been in a relationship were all you do is argue? You are both miserable. Additionally arguing does not lead to better sex. Loving each other unconditionally leads to better/awesome/killer sex!!! ------------------Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abstrakt Posted June 27 Report Share Posted June 27 Props to Petrol for starting this post...this shit put a lot of things in perspective for me and the siutation I'm currently in If you're constantly arguing and nit-picking over constant things in the relationship, then whats the point of being in the relationship in the first place? However working out/arguing significant issues in a relationship is very important because it shows that both parties are willing to come to some sort of resolution. If there were no arguments of that nature, then either a) you're in a perfect relationship (which we all know doesn't exist) or you just don't give a crap. ------------------Time's runnin' out, when will you wake up, wake up...Do it Do it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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