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Cravings!!!


DJGaryMatthews

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more than 2 months without any pills....but yesterday i got MAD cravings. i was watchin that XTC special on oprah(which btw, was so stupid. i hate how they portray raves). even though they were talkin about all the bad stuff, like that girl's brain and shit, all i could think about was havin a good roll, especially when they were showin footage of kids at different parties all fucked up.

DAMMIT!! I WANT PILLS!! FUCK!!

i did smoke last nite....that helped...being high got my mind off of the pills.

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I haven't dropped since March, so it's been like 7 months since the last time I had any. And every time I go out, and I do mean every time, I always crave another roll.

But, I usually wind up back home, toking up, wondering when the next hit is coming...

And yeah, everytime I watch those tv documentaries on Ex, I always, always say to myself, "Damn, I sure feel like rollin' right now."

It's all about self-control and/or lack of supply.

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it's only been a 3 week break for me and i'm already getting those urges to roll. last weekend at the club i even bought a pill. everyone else dropped theirs and i kept mine in my pocket. i sold it an hour later to get it out of my hands. i was damn proud of myself since everyone i was with was rolling face and the lighting and music were just screaming for me to join them. it is all about self-restraint. i never thought i had any, but i need to do this for my brain - it needs a break.

i've had the same reaction watching those tv shows too. a while ago i was at my parents house watching tv and my mom flipped to a special on e. i had to sit there watching it with my parents and all i could feel was this rush through my body.

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I haven't rolled since June 22!!! I never had this long of a break since I started. The toughest is when your in the club and you see everyone around you rolling. And all you are is just buzzed from drinking. You wish you were rolling so bad. Anyways, I'm gonna try to do it like MSOPRANO said "on special occasions" My next roll will be oct. 19th for Exit's reopening. That'll be 4 months for me. I can't believe I went that long without it.

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