Help: Relationship Crisis! Please!

[trancetrax]

last thursday my girlfriend of 6 incredible yrs said "she needs space and time to herself b/c she feels like things have gotten too comfortable, she hasn't accomplished anything and she wants figure out if i am the right guy."...obviously it couldn't have come at a worse time of the yr...also after going to the mall that day to shop for her fam and mine and went to dinner...she told me at 11pm on the phone...wtf...she also says "we rn't broken up and she doesn't want to see any other guys"...we have always had the best communication so when she says all these things i truely and honestly believe her...she would never deceive me...everything has been give and take...i am not possessive...we go out and have lots of fun no matter what we do...

a little background:

we r both 26, so we rn't that young and our relationship has been more than established...

i kinda swept her off her feet from a bad relationship 6 yrs ago everything has been so fun and outgoing since..i got her back on her feet...she is back in school and doing well...has a good job...this has been the best 6 yrs of my life...and what i thought hers...we have visioned our future together...the commitment part is there but she told me that she wanted to get her degree first...that will be in like a yr...also we lost quite a bit of $ in the market...she works fulltime and goes to school fulltime and has another parttime wkd job...she has a lot on her plate

anyways i am so lost without her...i have been so depressed i feel like killiing myself...everything i have done in the past 6 yrs has been to stregthen our relationship and i have done a lot for her...when u love someone u will do anything to make them happy...my mind is so twisted and the ball is in her court...i have no idea what the outcome of this is gonna be...all my family and hers, both my friends and hers r in shock and no one saw this coming...everyone is upset with her...i am so lonely, and confused and not a day has gone by where i don't think about killing myself...i am so scared to be without her...everything was give and take...the perfect duo...many people envied what we had together...i am on the brink of insanity...i have seen a psychologist and am going again today...i am in such shock and i feel that she has blocked my out completely...i love her so much but yet have no idea whether or not we will be together...my mind is wandering in every direction and those who know me or her tell me "chill, relax, girls go through that stage, she is confused...don't worry about it...she will be back in a few weeks"...if we rn't broken up how come she can't keep my posted on what's goin on..how she is doin..how am i doin...i don't fucking understand this...i cracked at work today(1 wk and a day since)...my mind was going nuts and i started getting really nervous and uneasy, i started shaking and then started screaming b/c i can't take the pain anymore...my chest has been pounding and stomach upset...i lost 10 lbs so far..i can barely eat...i am just really scared right now...all i have been thinking about is killing myself...i am really depressed and have been crying since thursday...

if anyone has any advice i will gladly accept it...i have been talking with my preist and freinds and just started going to a psychologist b/c i am so scared of what may happen if she doesn't come back

please help me out...if anyone is gonna be an asshole please keep your comments to yourself b/c i really don't need them...thanks clubplanet... :blown:

[vixenfoxxy]

Hey sweetie. First, *hug*, deep breath.. good

Now... she's told you that she needs some space and time to figure out where SHE is going correct? It seems to me like while this is ostensibly the "omigod I need space go away forever" speech, it may be something else entirely. You say that she is working multiple jobs, going to school, etc. and that she is graduating in a year. What may be happening here is that she has a year left before she launches herself out into the real world and she's no time to mull that over in her head. She's been either at work, at class, or with you, and she hasn't had the time to sit there on the couch and just ponder what she's looking at for the big picture/long run CAREER WISE. See what I mean? It seems there's no reason for a breakup, and yet there are a lot of reasons to question where things are going on the more girlself-oriented level. And being as how she has said she doesn't want to see other people, etc. it doesn't look like you have much to worry about. In otherwords, she's wandering, but she's stayin' in the back yard so you're probably okay.

The only thing I'd be kind of worried about is that you need to stop and take an honest look around in a way. Like, make sure youk now that even if things don't go the way the want them to, you will be able to pull yourself together and go on. I'm not saying it will be easy and it will take time but make sure you are ready to be strong if need be, and watch her signals for cues that wil tell you whether to relax or to pack. Besides, I know a lot of girls that would just kill to find a guy like you who would be just crazy for her and stay with her that long (myself included, that's mad rare it seems and props to you for being that cool). But like I said it is probably not the terrible situation it seems. Good luck honey, keep me posted and feel free to PM or IM me if you need to talk. ok? *hugz*

[vision]

sit in the backseat and ride it out

sometimes pushing, being in someones's face all the time trying to make things right only pushes someone further away

she may be going through a depression pitstop in life...she may need a freind allot more than a boyfreind..again a freind thats not in her face all the time trying to make things picture perfect or trying to make things the way they were a few years ago

stop thinking about killing yourself..i'm 32 and i've been through ALLOT of relationship's ups and downs..one thing i learned about life is that it goes on..

don't mean to sound harsh but you may not be the right guy..at the same time she may not be the right girl..beleive me its better to find this out now than 2/4/6 years later

[gothzane]

Lotsa hugs bro *Hugz*

Love is a slippery sharp stick

If you dont have a firm grip on it

your going to slip and impale yourself

and i cant even begin to contemplate on women.

If you dont have infinite patience, limitless compashion

and a bullet-proof jock strap.....dont even bother.

Sports and porn will suffice....not really...but...heh..err

just know that people are insane illogical idiots.

and their NEVER satisfied about anything

and we always feel like there is something wrong

that somethings missing

no matter how happy we are

Maybe when we figure that crap out well reach enlightment eh?

issues with your significant other tosses the wold upside

down....makes you feel like you want to puke out your soul

but no matter how much that may suck

you have to pull yourself togeather

for your family

for your friends

for yourself

Cause the world swings both ways bro...for the better and for the worse...the trick is to be ready for the changes.

Because nothing stays the same.

[verv]

Hmmm...listen, she didn't say you were broken up, and because u say you guys had great comunication, i doubt she would bullshit you, saying it wasn't over whent she thinks it is. Don't stress yourself over something that hasn't happened, After six years, it's obvious that she has to care for you on so many different levels, and that's not something you can forget in a week and a day...so just take it step by step, go with the flow, don't mope or stress, if u want to see how she's doing call her up and ask what's been up, how she's been, but don't smother! I understand the complete frustration anger and sadness that you're feeling right now, when my boyfriend left me this last august, i thought i was going to die, honestly...I mean I was so used to spending almost every second of every day with him, and having him to turn to when i was feeling like crap, or whenI was happy...and everything was so perfect. the time i spent with him was one of the most amazing episodes in my life...but i guess he wasn't the one, and things weren't meant to work out, atleast, i understand that now...but a few months ago...i was a mess i didn't eat anything, i slept all day and all night...i fell into a severe depression, and baby, i'm telling you, if you let that happen to you, it's not going to accomplish anything...especially if you're going to fall apart and you don't know for sure that she doesn't want to be with you. It seems that she does have a tons of things to juggle and just needs some space and a little time alone. and then again, she could be realizing that you ARE the one, and maybe she just wants to test what it would be like without you. But don't cling to extremes, just take it slow...ok hunnie...i hope you'll feel better...and she is a lucky girl to have someone who loves her as much as you do.

*huggggg*

[albertm]

I feel your pain buddy. The same is happening to me.

My girlfirned left me after 6 year relationship just 2 weeks ago.

Saying pretty much the same things -- that she needs more time.

I am 27 and she is 25 and we are apart now. The idea seems impossible to me.

I did some searching and I found this great source of info that helps me deal with the pain. Check it out I hope it helps you too.

/>http://www.cybercollege.com/sing11.htm

also check out this:
/>http://www.divorceasfriends.com/letgo.htm

I know how dificult it is, I am going through this right now. But let me tell you something, you will survive it, you just have to let yourself feel this pain and give it time. Unfortunately there is no better solution.

I hope that helps you.

Albert.

[bodi]

Dude, first of all take a breath and before you start fretting about how your life is suddenly turned upside down always remember that there are people out there a helluva alot worse off than you.

Now, about being depressed and thinking about suicide. Suicide is an extremely selfish act which requires only one second of insanity. I'm telling you from a first hand experience, a girlfriend of mine left me after 4 yrs and I had the same feelings. I contemplated suicide but never achieved that one second of insanity. I sulked around for about 3 months feeling sorry for myself. I made some new friends at school and met another terrific young woman who I continued to date for 5 yrs. But after meeting her I was extremely angry at myself for even thinking about suicide. I lost 3 months of my life while I was 22 moping around, drinking in the dark in my parents' basement listening to depressing assed songs. I can never bring those 3 months back. I could have been discovering what great things life actually has in store for me....for all of us.

Believe me at the moment I didn't want to hear all that "Hey, c'mon you'll get over her bullshit". But you have to give yourself a break too. You did all you could for the two of you, now try to take care of yourself. Because if you can't take of yourself, how you could possibly take care of her or any other person in your life?

"Hold on to sixteen as long as you can, changes come around real soon make us women and men"

[tottallyoff]

When my relationship with my ex finished about 1 year ago, I thought I was lost also. We have been together for more than 2 years and went through a lot of stuff that I do not wish on my enemy. When she said that she does not want to see me again, I though that she was joking or high on crack - that's how sure I was of out relationship.

For about 2 months after that we would hang out, go out, pillow talk, etc, but nothing more than that. When she finally said that she wants to see someone else, I felt weak and powerless to do anything. But you are not. The best thing you can do - is get on with it. I know that it is hard and I was thinking about her so much that it interfeared with my everyday things. I would wake up with her on my mind and go to sleep with her face on my mind when i close my eyes. What could you do? She wants her space? Fine. It is not a girl thing - its a relationship thing. If you ever want to be with her again - support her decision. If you were meant to be, you guys will get back together and have a million babies.

The point is not to show her how you are lost and heartbroken without her. And the same moment not to show her that you do not care. Balance it out and she will come back. If not - there will be someone else. I thought that I would not find anyone else ever again, and I just did. And I am happy.

[breakbeatz2]

my gf of a year and a half recently told me the same "i need time off b/s" well, a month after that it was over between us. we got back a couple of more times, but within a few months we completely broke up

now i'm not saying thats how all thigns like this end,

but give her time, and take some time yourself. if you mope around, and think about her 24/7, you'll never get to see anything clearly. for me, i was in dispair when we first broke up, but with time, i got back in the game and realized that she just wasnt the one for me (something i would bever have realized had she not asked for time off). if she wouldnt have done that, we probably would have ended up gettiung married, and i would have ended up realizing years down the road that i wasnt happy.

so what seems like the worst thing now, may prove to be a blessing in disguise later on.

maybe you two will get back a few months down te road and ralize that you cant live witohut each other. you never know. but give it TIME, and get on with your life for now. go out, have some fun, meet some women, and just see how you feel later on.

Dima

[tizzah508]

First, everything happens for a reason!!!! Second, let this experience be a learning lesson, for the both of you, going through this hard time will only make you a stronger person!?!?!

Right now you may not understand her reason or why this is happening and it is extremely difficult, but once enough time passes you will understand and the coping will get easier!!

I know this is your time to vent and I hate when I talk to people and try to vent they are like 'yeah that happened to me and blah blah' but I have been there and still actually still dealing, but the only thing's that are gonna help are: time, talking, and lots of praying. I actually used my experience to become stronger and more spiritual pick up the book In the Meantime, or any other spiritual growth book, don't want to bore you with my list.....

Keep praying and everything will happen the way it is suppose too!! BIG HUG

[xxsweetie]

Hey...everyone who's telling you to take it easy is right. I know that this is easier said than done, but just think of "chilling out" as somethigng that you're gonna do for your own well being. I know what you're going through, because I was in a similar situation with my x boyfriend about 10 mos. ago. Actually I was more in your girlfriend's shoes so maybe I can help you with some insight into what she's thinking.

I told my bf of 2 yrs. that I needed "time apart" like your gf I also had a lot on my plate at the time. After youre with someone for a long time , things usualy do fall into some typeof a routine, there's no way of escaping from that. The best advice I can give you is to be there for her without smothering. That may be diffcult to do with someone you love, but u need to try. Give her time, give her space to figure things out. Don't pressure her and most importantly dont pressure yourself. Also dont put all of your eggs in one basket. Take sometime to heal but also realize that you have a lot of other great thing going on in your life: family, friends, career, etc. Hang out with some old friends, maybe even go on a date with someone in a little while (thats always fun to do after you've been with the same person for a long time . If things were meant to be between you too, they will work themselves out. If not, then there is someone better out there for you because everything happens for a reason (thought it may not seem like it at the time.) So please...take it easy hun, get back to basics, and keep us posted. Take care:)

[trancedkitten]

all I can say is: 1. Spend time with people who care & appreciate you (friends, family, etc.) & go out & still do things you normally do.....it will help you. 2. PLEASE DO NOT even think about killing yourself because no one is worth it....think about all the people who love you and vice-versa. You ARE BETTER than that & doing so is the easy way out. 3. You need to eat because you will only feel worse & you are only hurting yourself. Just give her the space she needs & don't call her at all. When she's ready to talk she will call you. Still, go on & do your thing....just because the relationship stopped doesn't mean you have to. If she truly loves you then she will realize that she misses you and will come back to you & see how retarded this all was. If not, then you have done everthing you can & it was just not meant to be. I know it hurts but life goes on & I believe there is someone out there for everyone and eventually you will meet that someone.....tomorrow, in a month, when you least expect it.....just know everything happens for a reason. For all the sad stuff you are going through....there will be so many good times to be had. Hope everything works out for you (crossing fingers) & take care of yourself ~HugZ~

-=*TrancEdkittEn*=-

=^..^=

[kludgio]

i think your grief may be more from your sense of reality and stability being shattered than actually losing her. six years is a damned long time, and in that time you have arranged your entire life to include her. now, you face the problem of having to rearrange everything to specifically NOT include her

before anyone makes a lifelong commitment, e.g. marriage, i think they owe it to themselves to see if that's what they really want. you are never the same person as you were six years ago, and what/who you want is not always the same. you may be accustomed to what the last six years have given you, but if those six years were really that great, i think you as a person should have progressed and your ambitions should be higher

the best thing for you to do, and for the case of possibly getting your girl back (although that should be secondary), is proving your independence. no one wants a mate who is nothing without them. and neither does anyone want someone to be with them out of pity

good luck to you, and i'm sure you'll be fine, with or without the girl

[happykittn]

The most important thing, really, is to trust her. You're not doing that. You're being completely self-involved... you're freaking out. She needs time, she needs space, she needs, it seems, to not contact you... she needs a break. Give that to her. And stop acting out... do you want to guilt trip her into coming back to you? Her family, from what you say, seems to be shaming her enough... let her be and live your life. Most likely what she wants is her own life... not this sort of dependency from you.

So, really, you can see this period as being two things... one, she needs to do this for her own reasons which you have to accept you will not find out until later if at all... two, you're sort of on trial here. I don't think she's doing it on purpose, but your actions do matter. Your focus could be on being good, being decent, being, without her for now, the man she would want to spend the rest of her life with.

Being hurt is fine... being confused is fine... both, in fact, are pretty noble and speak very well of you. But don't fall to peices, don't wallow in it so completely that you threaten her with suicide, etc... get your life in order. Take the time to do what she most likely is doing with the time... figure out who you are, why you are, all those parts of yourself which you've maybe let slip away by being together.

That, and keep seeking professional help... talking to a psychologist is good, and talking to your priest, etc.

Life is complicated, people are complicated. Things are much more rewarding and beautiful when you learn to accept that, even though it generally means accepting a little more pain into your life.

Best wishes,

~kitten >^.^<

[hermajestydiva]

First thing first...killing yourself is NOT the answer. Like many of the people who have responded to you, I also can relate to and understand your pain. While I can't be sure what exactly will happen in your relationship, I can tell you that everything will be okay one way or another. The only advice I will give you is to get support from anyone and everyone who is willing to give it, and while she is taking time to figure herself out...try to do the same. You seem to be assuming that your relationship is over, and until she tells you that... it's not, so don't see it that way. Focus on making yourself happy and healthy so when she is ready to resume your relationship...you will be ready to, and have new and wonderful things to add to the relationship. Most importantly, have faith...

There was a time when everyone, including my BF thought our relationship was over. But I had enough faith in our relationship for both of us, and while we had a very rocky year that year...another year later we are happier than ever. Don't be afraid of this...if you have faith in your relationship, it will come back better and stronger.

Stay strong and have faith...and lean on your friends and family...that is what they are there for.