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dolcemimi

Would you date someone you're totally not attracted to

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This happened awhile ago - I met this man online - he was a foot doctor so I guess he had money and he "seemed kinda nice. I needed a free foot exam because I sprained my ankle. That's why I met him

Although I was his type - he was NOT my type at all. Infact he was morbidly obese. He had a serious major weight problem. I'd guess 360 or more at 5'7

Anyways - he sweated me real bad- he was acting like were gonna get married when I hardly knew him .

SO when I told him - "I have no interest in you what so ever" He gets all mad and tells me " I'm not gonna get very far in life if I'm not nice to him ??" ( Just becuause he has money) ..

He made me feel like a poor loser for not wanting to have anything to do with him . Also he made me feel like bitch just because I'm not attracted to him..

I guess his weight/ looks was the major reason why I dissed him amongst others.. I really don;t believe in internet relationships

Do I seem like a bad person because I did that ? Are we supposed to be extra nicer to obese people ? Are they supposed to get some special treatment ??

I talked to some other guys and they said " C'mon how can you expect to date someone like that ?"

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i haven't date obese guys, but guys who were not considered attractive by mainstream society. sometimes a guy's personality, intelligence, or sweetness will shine, making him more enjoyable to be around...this is usually how i judge guys...looks do matter, but shouldn't be the only issue...as long as there are good vibes between you two, it'll be good...

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if i wasn't attracted to the guy then no i wouldn't date him. But attraction is relative, just like you weren't attracted to him someone else will be. Besides if we dated people just because they were nice then "friends" wouldn't exist.

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Originally posted by jy

if i wasn't attracted to the guy then no i wouldn't date him. But attraction is relative, just like you weren't attracted to him someone else will be. Besides if we dated people just because they were nice then "friends" wouldn't exist.

wow. that was the best response anyone could have had on this thread. SO TRUE.

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Originally posted by jy

if i wasn't attracted to the guy then no i wouldn't date him. But attraction is relative, just like you weren't attracted to him someone else will be. Besides if we dated people just because they were nice then "friends" wouldn't exist.

That is definately true, there needs to be some attraction ...I agree with Sassa's response too, I've dated guys too who werent considered the most attractive by some other people (they werent obese tho) but who cares, as long as you're happy with each other and attracted to each other in all the ways you want to be , then its all good.:)

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I agree w/ everyone so far... it's not so much about looks as it is about *attraction*- if there aren't any sparks what can you do?

Besides, this guy sounds like a real winner- like he was going to be your ticket to ride or something? WTF is up with that???

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I think the major problem is that people confuse attraction with good looks. Someone doesn't have to be goodlooking to be attractive. Sometimes it's in the way they comport themselves, their sense of humour or their confidence that just make them gorgeous without even having the pretty face.

In the case of this guy he's probably gone after shallow girls in the past who couldn't get passed his weight problem, which is fine. Then when he met you and you bluntly told him it wouldn't work he basically let out all his frustration on you.

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no, i cannot date anyone i'm not physically attracted to, i would not be true to myself if i did...besides, what about the sexual tension, sex isn't everything, but it is a part of dating

and i agree w/jy, very well put

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I used to have a preconceived notion of what "attractive" was. Then I realized that although I had been with lots of "attractive" people, (i.e., HOT!), none of them really made me happy. Cute for sex, ego tripping and showing off, but not that deep, soul-mate, stay-with-you-through-thick-and-thin kinda stuff. Once this realization hit, I promised myself that I would never write someone off just for their looks again.

Then this guy hit on me. He was overweight (not obese, but far from my six-packed studly norm) and very different from what I generally found myself attracted to physically. He asked me out and I figured, "remember the promise ... at LEAST I'll get a free meal and maybe I'll end up with a new friend", so I went out with him. We had a great conversation and found that we had a lot in common. We continued to go out, and eventually fell very deeply in love. We took our time and didn't have sex for a LONG time. By the time we actually did hook up on that level, the relationship was already about so much more, that it wasn't about "oh god you're fine and I want to fuck you right now" ... it was about "oh god I LOVE you and I want to be with you."

We just celebrated 2 years together, in a beautiful, sharing, and sexually-charged relationship.

Now I understand that everybody's definition of "beauty" is different, and usually instilled by the media, etc. anyway. The question to ask is "how does that person make you feel?". No matter what they look like. That's real beauty. Someone who makes you smile inside when you're with them.

My man isn't unattractive at all, but ESPECIALLY given the superficiality of the gay life, some people wouldn't give him the time of day (until he became "somebody" - now people sweat him 'cause he's become successful). I'm grateful that their loss has definitely been my gain.

Remember, weight can be gained or lost. Hair can come (in places you don't want it) and go (from where you do want it). Teeth can fall out, skin can wrinkle, titties get saggy and dicks shrivel up. But there are some things that only get better with time. Why qualify someone for a relationship based on something (youth/beauty) that is inherently fleeting?

Sorry for the dissertation. Sounds to me like the guy you're talking about kinda gave you the creeps. If that's the case, it's perfectly understandable to diss him. But if you ONLY dissed him because he's fat, you should reconsider what it is you really want in the first place.

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Originally posted by djjonmartin

I used to have a preconceived notion of what "attractive" was. Then I realized that although I had been with lots of "attractive" people, (i.e., HOT!), none of them really made me happy. Cute for sex, ego tripping and showing off, but not that deep, soul-mate, stay-with-you-through-thick-and-thin kinda stuff. Once this realization hit, I promised myself that I would never write someone off just for their looks again.

Then this guy hit on me. He was overweight (not obese, but far from my six-packed studly norm) and very different from what I generally found myself attracted to physically. He asked me out and I figured, "remember the promise ... at LEAST I'll get a free meal and maybe I'll end up with a new friend", so I went out with him. We had a great conversation and found that we had a lot in common. We continued to go out, and eventually fell very deeply in love. We took our time and didn't have sex for a LONG time. By the time we actually did hook up on that level, the relationship was already about so much more, that it wasn't about "oh god you're fine and I want to fuck you right now" ... it was about "oh god I LOVE you and I want to be with you."

We just celebrated 2 years together, in a beautiful, sharing, and sexually-charged relationship.

Now I understand that everybody's definition of "beauty" is different, and usually instilled by the media, etc. anyway. The question to ask is "how does that person make you feel?". No matter what they look like. That's real beauty. Someone who makes you smile inside when you're with them.

My man isn't unattractive at all, but ESPECIALLY given the superficiality of the gay life, some people wouldn't give him the time of day (until he became "somebody" - now people sweat him 'cause he's become successful). I'm grateful that their loss has definitely been my gain.

Remember, weight can be gained or lost. Hair can come (in places you don't want it) and go (from where you do want it). Teeth can fall out, skin can wrinkle, titties get saggy and dicks shrivel up. But there are some things that only get better with time. Why qualify someone for a relationship based on something (youth/beauty) that is inherently fleeting?

Sorry for the dissertation. Sounds to me like the guy you're talking about kinda gave you the creeps. If that's the case, it's perfectly understandable to diss him. But if you ONLY dissed him because he's fat, you should reconsider what it is you really want in the first place.

it's good to hear that people aren't superficial :) congrats!

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she has to be my type or its only friends i wouldn;t even bother wasten my time touchen a girl who wasn't the type minds are cute but looks keep u ther and worse off if your into some ones looks no matter wut happens u can just look at them and be like wow i know y i love u but if your really ain't into looks and somw thing goes wrong u got noting to fall back on and u sit and wonder y u botherd to begin with :tongue:

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I think the major problem is that people confuse attraction with good looks. Someone doesn't have to be goodlooking to be attractive. Sometimes it's in the way they comport themselves, their sense of humour or their confidence that just make them gorgeous without even having the pretty face.

AGREED!

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