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lollib

good with the bad?

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Ok, so my bf and I seem to be going through a rocky period now. We have been together almost 10 months and have both said we do want this relationship and want to be with each other. It just seems like everyday we argue over stupid stuff and we always come back to the conversation of whether or not we want to be together. I want to say that this will eventually blow over but how long is too long for this to go on?

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That's funny you mention this, b/c im going through the same situation with smurfette right now...

She's said b4 like 5X she wants us to stop seeing each other, only for her to call me 30 minutes later and take back what she said. We're also going through some rocky roads, but based on some amazing things and feelings we've shared, we don't want to just break up.

I'd say this, which is usually a good test for any couple: take some steps back, let the other breathe. when i don't call her for a day or 2, she starts to wonder where i've been, and find more interest in me.

Sometimes one has to revert to the age-old theme of Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Being with someone all the time and always knowing what they're up to can get old. Whenever things get funky, i take 2 steps back, she'll do her thing, and usually things will get better:)

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too many ppl mistake "routine" for "love"... yous may just be used to eachother and are scared to change that...

every arguement shouldnt be an issue of whether or not yous are gonna break up, it should be an issue of "can we fix it?"

i doubt me or anyone else on here can give ya the right answer, but in my opinion, i think the longer u wait, the worse its gonna get.... youll pick on him, hell pick on you, and yous are gonna make eachother miserable and become enemies... i aint sayin yous should break up, but u should do SOMETHING soon... i think the smurf has a point...absence DOES make the heart grow fonder.. i think u should give that a shot, and if not, then start considering ur other options

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you shouldnt have to try to make things work.. either you get along and like being together or you dont. it is pretty frustrating when you think you "love" someone and you are constantly fighting.

take a step back from the situation and reassess your relationship. it is generally positive or negative? if you find that all the positive energy in your relationship is your own then get out NOW. :laugh:

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Well, the main reason we have "issues" is because of his past relationships with other girls. He has gotten cheated on and screwed over so he cant get over this trust thing. And he said it isnt that he doesnt trust me but he just thinks crazy thoughts. For right now I am ok dealing with this but he thinks eventually I will get sick of and want to end things. He is even thinking about seeking professional help for this. So, I guess if we pass this little hump, it will be as good as we want it to be.

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Originally posted by somebitch

yes, i think you can, especially if you have had bad experiences in the past, then you can look back and appreciate all the good you currently have.

But then you will grow accustomed to things always being good and you will take this person for granted. The occasional fight or argument brings your thought process back to "shit, I could lose her/him", and then you make it a point to really appreciate what you have.

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Originally posted by somebitch

you shouldnt have to try to make things work.. either you get along and like being together or you dont.

That's bullshit... no relationship is perfect, and they always take work. ALWAYS, no matter how good the relationship is. As with anything else, those who weather the storm come out stronger in the end.

I agree that perhaps a break is in order. I also agree, that you two should be focusing on how to fix things, rather than whether you should end it all.

How long have you two been fighting like this?

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Originally posted by tastyt

[b

How long have you two been fighting like this?

The whole trust issue came up in the summer when I was at the shore with my friends and he would be at work- I guess just thinking. And he would give me a hard time about where I was, what I was doing. The summer ended but then we both agreed he needed time for himself which is fine for me cause I have all the free time I could want. And now, the trust issue thing has come up again. It isnt everyday but every few days where we will either get into a stupid arguement or something. I definitely agree that realationships are work and I do want this and know he does too so I think it should be ok.

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I see what you're saying about the trust thing. If he's gotten hurt, you have to be patient, and gain his trust over time. It may take time, but it should happen.

Smurfette had quite a colored past, and that's why she's got some issues. BUt i've learned when to back off, when to be there for her, and now things are going all right. You have to read the signs and kind of find a balance btw. your wants and needs and his.

If he wants professional help, that couldn't hurt. Just be supportive and have patience. Patience goes a long way (espec. if the 2 of you believe in this) ;)

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Originally posted by tastyt

That's bullshit... no relationship is perfect, and they always take work. ALWAYS, no matter how good the relationship is. As with anything else, those who weather the storm come out stronger in the end.

true, there is aways work involved but when the work outweighs the enjoyment (positive impact on your life), you should have the sense to see that and move on.

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"A relationship is like sand, held loose with respect and trust the sand remains but as soon as you close your grip slightly the sand falls through your fingers and you lose it"

One of the best quotes I have ever heard when it comes to relationships. A relationship is supposed to be fun, spontanous, loving, caring, respectul, and most important Trustworthy. Your man has some issues with his own past that needs to be dealt with. He doesn't trust you, simple as that.:rolleyes:

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