SlickSlider Posted December 26 Report Share Posted December 26 I have become close with a woman at work. There was a lot of chemistry flowing, a lot of chatting and laughing and vague flirtation. Everyone saw it, and everyone joked that it was inevitable that she and I would wind up together. A few people wondered why we weren't together yet. But the woman is married and now seperated, and I have become her confidant, her shoulder, her friend. I've been giving her advice, support, and even arguing on the phone with a mechanic who was taking advantage of her and persuaded him to lower his price because she was having trouble paying the unexpected expense. When she has bad days she comes to me for a hug and to cheer her up. I'm aware that when she is down and needs uplifting, that she thinks of me. Someone even told me that she told him that I was "her angel". But I noticed that the flirtation has stopped, and while the friendship has grown so much, that the romantice chemistry has all but gone. It makes me wonder, does she value me so much as a friend who she can trust and rely on, that at this point she no longer wants to pursue anything further with me? I want to be her friend and help her in any way I can, and support her emotionally, but have I taken it to the point where a romantic relationship is no longer on the table because she has taken me into her heart for the strength and friendship I've given her and only looks at me that way now? Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghhhhhost Posted December 26 Report Share Posted December 26 well be her friend titty mouse...u say urself u brought it to that point.....u cant go and try to get with her now...cause then ur just a sleeze bucket Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atomicapples Posted December 26 Report Share Posted December 26 i agree!.. be her friend... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phatman Posted December 26 Report Share Posted December 26 ...friendship is not always a compromise...if you cant be a true friend and let go of the other things than man up and walk away.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solbeam Posted December 26 Report Share Posted December 26 let it go for now...who's to say what will happen later on...don't complicate your friendship at this point.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris817 Posted December 26 Report Share Posted December 26 your stuck in the friend zone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lalate Posted December 26 Report Share Posted December 26 Dont think so much. Just heat it up a bit. If she then wants you, go for it. If she doesnt, move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted December 26 Report Share Posted December 26 I have become close with a woman at work. There was a lot of chemistry flowing, a lot of chatting and laughing and vague flirtation. Everyone saw it, and everyone joked that it was inevitable that she and I would wind up together. A few people wondered why we weren't together yet. But the woman is married and now seperated, and I have become her confidant, her shoulder, her friend. I've been giving her advice, support, and even arguing on the phone with a mechanic who was taking advantage of her and persuaded him to lower his price because she was having trouble paying the unexpected expense. When she has bad days she comes to me for a hug and to cheer her up. I'm aware that when she is down and needs uplifting, that she thinks of me. Someone even told me that she told him that I was "her angel". But I noticed that the flirtation has stopped, and while the friendship has grown so much, that the romantice chemistry has all but gone. It makes me wonder, does she value me so much as a friend who she can trust and rely on, that at this point she no longer wants to pursue anything further with me? I want to be her friend and help her in any way I can, and support her emotionally, but have I taken it to the point where a romantic relationship is no longer on the table because she has taken me into her heart for the strength and friendship I've given her and only looks at me that way now? Any advice?some of the best relationships have stemmed from some of the best friendships... come on really who better to date than a best friend, youre already compatible on a personality level, and you spend so much time together that one of you are bound to have feelings for the other... but in some situations you can become sooo friendly that you fall into the "friendship zone" and wind up playing more of a brotherly role or sisterly depending on the situation... there will always be the "what if" factor but if youre in that situation it'll prolly lead to a drunken sexual experience / one time thing and typically doesnt take off... im not saying this will happen to you, im just speaking from experience what typically happends... doesnt mean itll happen to you, what im saying is roll with it... and the best way to find out if she has feelings for you (if you want to press the issue) is start seeing a girl and talk about her, see how she reacts... then see how they are after they hang out a couple of times together... (but this all goes on how well you can read ppl and blah blah blah) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kahn Posted December 26 Report Share Posted December 26 well be her friend titty mouse...u say urself u brought it to that point.....u cant go and try to get with her now...cause then ur just a sleeze bucket Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickSlider Posted December 27 Author Report Share Posted December 27 well be her friend titty mouse...u say urself u brought it to that point.....u cant go and try to get with her now...cause then ur just a sleeze bucketI was about to say "titty mouse, huh"? when I realized you were referring to my avatar, LOL. You may be right about the next thing, which is why I am backing off from pursuit and seeing what happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kfitz73 Posted December 27 Report Share Posted December 27 Another thing to consider is that if she is separated the wounds from her marriage might be still fresh and she might not be ready for a relationship right now. I would just be her friend at this point. If she has feelings for you, she'll let you know at some point. If she never had feelings for you then chances are that she won't develop them now and you will have to decide if you can co-exist as friends... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickSlider Posted December 27 Author Report Share Posted December 27 atomicapples: i agree!.. be her friend... phatman ...friendship is not always a compromise...if you cant be a true friend and let go of the other things than man up and walk away.... solbeam let it go for now...who's to say what will happen later on...don't complicate your friendship at this point.. chris817 your stuck in the friend zone lalate Dont think so much. Just heat it up a bit. If she then wants you, go for it. If she doesnt, move on. some of the best relationships have stemmed from some of the best friendships... come on really who better to date than a best friend, youre already compatible on a personality level, and you spend so much time together that one of you are bound to have feelings for the other... but in some situations you can become sooo friendly that you fall into the "friendship zone" and wind up playing more of a brotherly role or sisterly depending on the situation... there will always be the "what if" factor but if youre in that situation it'll prolly lead to a drunken sexual experience / one time thing and typically doesnt take off... im not saying this will happen to you, im just speaking from experience what typically happends... doesnt mean itll happen to you, what im saying is roll with it... and the best way to find out if she has feelings for you (if you want to press the issue) is start seeing a girl and talk about her, see how she reacts... then see how they are after they hang out a couple of times together... (but this all goes on how well you can read ppl and blah blah blah)We've spoken on the phone every day since a few days before Christmas, sometimes after work and sometimes before, and today since she tells me that her house is cold at night, I brought her a thick blanket that always kept me warm and toasty. She had told me that she doesn't want to use her own blanket because it reminded her of her seperated husband, so today I told her that my blanket should remind her of me because it would keep her warm and comfortable. I hoped that I didn't sound cheesy or lame with that line, but at least she did laugh and say that it would. And, about a week and a half ago I had hugged her when she came back from a day in court against her husband's lawyers and told her in her ear that I wished she had met me before she met him. That was far more direct than I expected from myself and half of me wished that I hadn't said it so soon, but there was no hesitation before she said "So do I." So there is definately signs that she has feelings for me, but those signs haven't shown up as much since then. Or maybe I am getting ahead of myself. I am not the pushy type and I know how much pain her husband has caused her and how he'd decieved her, so I understand her caution before starting again, if caution is what it is. Or maybe she is simply too overdrawn by emotion to think about her feelings for me at this point, which I also understand entirely. In fact I would not even be suggesting anything toward her if not for her prior and occasional showings of interest. But I have had many plutonic relationships (I've wanted to bop all my lady friends, but I never let it show. LOL) so I can let this go as slow as it need to until she is ready, which is what I intend to do. She knows I have feelings for her so she will know that the door is open when she is ready to enter in. But that is, if she intends to go that route, if she hasn't decided to keep it as friends only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted December 27 Report Share Posted December 27 good shit, just go with the flow... no need to upset the applecart at this point imo... btw "I hoped that I didn't sound cheesy or lame with that line," who gives a fuck, dating is cheesey and lame... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickSlider Posted December 27 Author Report Share Posted December 27 good shit, just go with the flow... no need to upset the applecart at this point imo... btw "I hoped that I didn't sound cheesy or lame with that line," who gives a fuck, dating is cheesey and lame...Yah, so is the cat and mouse game of reading signs and giving hints, but if it gets ya where ya need to be, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickSlider Posted December 27 Author Report Share Posted December 27 Another thing to consider is that if she is separated the wounds from her marriage might be still fresh and she might not be ready for a relationship right now. I would just be her friend at this point. If she has feelings for you, she'll let you know at some point. If she never had feelings for you then chances are that she won't develop them now and you will have to decide if you can co-exist as friends...Thanks, I agree. I said that in my post, which I was composing when you posted yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atomicapples Posted December 27 Report Share Posted December 27 truthfully... the long you be friends, the less of a chance you well get...why not tell her whats up and see whats her reaction? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felix_Leiter Posted December 27 Report Share Posted December 27 ..yea..for now..you can continue to bop her in your mind while you stroke the bird Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted December 27 Report Share Posted December 27 truthfully... the long you be friends, the less of a chance you well get...why not tell her whats up and see whats her reaction?wow, thats so not you talking right there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atomicapples Posted December 28 Report Share Posted December 28 wow, thats so not you talking right there...i know.. sometimes i wish i took that route rather the route i already took.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickSlider Posted December 30 Author Report Share Posted December 30 Well here's the deal on this. I respect her and I know she's going through very tough times. I have been her friend and will continue to be her friend. Whever she needs me, I'm there. Anything else that may develope between us will have to wait until she gets her life sorted out. I don't want to be the one to complicate things further for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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