vicman Posted March 1 Report Share Posted March 1 hellz yeah! i wonder how much drugs cost in colombia. anyone going to bogota, medellin or cali anytime soon? they probably sell all that shit in every corner newspaper kiosk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stymie Posted March 1 Report Share Posted March 1 in jamaica I got yellow galf balls of yak for pocket change Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elevatedflow Posted March 1 Report Share Posted March 1 according to my cousin its like 200$us for an ounce of pure ...dont know if its true or not, but he is living there now... colombia that is Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlr8ted Posted March 1 Report Share Posted March 1 Lets visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weyes Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 ...or cali anytime soon? they probably sell all that shit in every corner newspaper kiosk.no kiosks i know of ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crowina Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 can a vegan swallow sperm? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barraquilla Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 i wonder if tylenol pm was always extra strength? and if you have to take 3 or 4 to get the desired effect, what is the regular like? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howienewport Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over 48 hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of ass cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for the wife. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 1 through 5 for your convenience:1. Occupied.2. Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.3. Shit smeared on seat.4. Shit and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.5. No toilet paper, no stall door, something growing near base of toilet.Clearly, it had to be Stall #2. I trudged back, entered, dropped the trousers and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs. Shitter about the shitty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My ass let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent:(1) The next-door conversation had ceased;(2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and(3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench.It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence."Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??"Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride.Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up...in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids...love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My shit-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my shamefulness to my anonymous shit-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to shit in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in a bathroom. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lolahotass Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 i love cuban toast Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stymie Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 i wonder if tylenol pm was always extra strength? and if you have to take 3 or 4 to get the desired effect, what is the regular like?the shit that makes u tired in tylenol pm is benedryl. stop taking tylenol pm beofre u sleep... no need for the tylenol... just pop benedryl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howienewport Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 I like to "G" out when I can't sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutcase34 Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 celts game tomorrow. can't wait to get drunk, be obnoxious and spill beer on people. i heart sporting events. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lolahotass Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 werdddddddd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamme Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 i love cuban toast myeah? cuban toast? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicman Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 i love cuban toast you know, one thing i will miss about not going to WMC this year is to boogey over to Little Havana and gorge myself until I explode at Versailles. goddam i <3 that place. it's a must for me everytime i go to miami. cuban food in dc sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gabo Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 celts game tomorrow. can't wait to get drunk, be obnoxious and spill beer on people. i heart sporting events.I just like spilling beer on people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lolahotass Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 I just like spilling beer on people.thats alcohol abuse and i would throw a rock at you for wasting a good beer like that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gabo Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 thats alcohol abuse and i would throw a rock at you for wasting a good beer like that I didnt mean a good beer ... something like rolling rock or bud light. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxylady69 Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 thats alcohol abuse and i would throw a rock at you for wasting a good beer like that but what if it's schlitz? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weyes Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 howienewport: you may be interested to know that i once went 10 days without taking a dump. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gabo Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 howienewport: you may be interested to know that i once went 10 days without taking a dump.omg! how the hell did that happen? and how many times did you have to flush? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weyes Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 omg! how the hell did that happen? and how many times did you have to flush?the day before i had pooped four or five times. maybe my body had to refill... i guess not... it could have gone on longer than 10 days, though; i told my mom and she freaked out. she told me i had to get to a doctor and blahblahblah so i just ate a handful of prunes and drank a lot of coffee and that was it.o, and on the tenth day, it came back in a decent way. no big whoop or problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howienewport Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 the day before i had pooped four or five times. maybe my body had to refill... i guess not... it could have gone on longer than 10 days, though; i told my mom and she freaked out. she told me i had to get to a doctor and blahblahblah so i just ate a handful of prunes and drank a lot of coffee and that was it.o, and on the tenth day, it came back in a decent way. no big whoop or problem.How am I supposed to jerk off to that? Can you "sexy it up" a little, maybe throw in an asian chick? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxylady69 Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 howienewport: you may be interested to know that i once went 10 days without taking a dump.omg!thats amazing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxylady69 Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 How am I supposed to jerk off to that? Can you "sexy it up" a little, maybe throw in an asian chick?maybe on the 10th day...she pooped into an asian chick's mouth?that better? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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