divalicious Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 I believe the next guy who becomes my boyfriend, should be a potential best friend and everything that goes along with that, first and foremost. This is so important to me, because if I can't be his best friend, why do I even want him as my boyfriend? I don't need to say that he should also be my stud muffin, do I?I see so may relationships where the bf/gf is this completely separate entity in their someone's life. And I think that those relationships are doomed to fail, because the two people are obviously not right for eachother. I see no reason that I should treat my bf differently than I treat my friends... Except, of course, when he is in stud muffin mode.------------------Is it Friday yet? Peace Love Happiness y'all DivaliciousNYC@aol.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 To me my boyfriend is definately my very best friend. He the person that I turn to when I have good news, bad news, hurt, excited, afraid, or when I have nothing to do . . . I'll call him just because.He's like my second skin. Anything less then that can just be my friend not necessarily my boyfriend/fiance/soon to be my hubby! BlueAngel------------------“Once in a while, in the middle of this thing called life, love throws us a fairy tale.” - Unkown Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trippintrance64 Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 To me the ideal g/f would be a girl that i could say anything to, cry with, do anything for, someone that would do anything for me, someone that i could love and mean it with my whole heart. and someone that will be my best friend.However, first, she must start as a "close" friend....meaning, a friend but with some chemistry that is different that my buddy's....someone that i am confident in, as far as giving me, and letting me give her the best future i could give/recieve to/from her.Where is she? The search continues....-----------------------"A man makes his sunshine, and he makes his rain. Look at what you have, and where you are, before you say, "I've had a horrible day" Appreciate what you have, and realize how much others wish they could have that much. Live Life, and LOVE IT!" --Me-----"We where somewhere in the desert, near barstow....when the drugs began to kick in" -Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas AIM: fantom0680 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nickijay Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 oooooh, i love this question...wait, are you working today?? anyway, i agree with you. first and foremost my bf is my friend....my best friend. he is someone who accepts me for all of my faults and i do the same in return! he is someone i'll go to the end of the world and back for. no other man exists to me b/c of this one. he's someone who i will support 100% no matter what! he's someone who i just can't seem to find, goddamnit!!! until i find him i'm just going to continue my relationship with mr. cadbury......ooh, and easter is just around the corner, my favorite holiday!! yummy! ------------------ Boink like a bunny with spring fever!!!uknj@aol.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysteriousss Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 I'm not sure how it's possible to be in a REAL relationship with someone and not consider each other friends......Friend = someone you love, you trust, you enjoy spending time with, love to talk to, share your happiness and sadness with, help them, offer help, can rely on completely, considerate to each other and RESPECT EACH OTHER..Those are KEY to any relationship and I cannot imagine being with someone who does not offer ALL OF THE ABOVE.But that's just how my brain works. Maybe that's why I only had relationships with guys who I was first friends with (except for one).. In my mind, it's all based on friendship because that's how you learn about WHO the person actually is... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmgreenz Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 I don't buy into this 'accept me for who i am' and the 'unconditional love' bs. I want to be with someone that will help make me a better person. And that will likely mean telling me when to get my ass in gear.If I'm being an asshole or really screw things up, I want her to put a boot to my ass so I straighten things out. If I've got a stupid pipe dream, I want her to be my voice of reason. And, I of course will do/be the same for her.If she's too agreeable, she's toast, it's not gonna work. I want to be challanged. If it's too easy, it's not gonna be worth it. ------------------DM [This message has been edited by dmgreenz (edited 02-21-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying_high Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by uknjx2:until i find him i'm just going to continue my relationship with mr. cadbury......ooh, and easter is just around the corner, my favorite holiday!! yummy! Exactly my words...hahahaha.Anyway, my bf is course my best friend, someone who not only accepts my faults but loves me even for them. Someone, who I love unconditionally and with whom I can talk , laugh and cry. Someone who makes me to a stronger person by just being next to me. Someone I can even share the silent moments with without feeling an awkward silence. Someone who supports all my craziness and/or boring moments 150% and to whom I'll do the same in return (no matter what).... guess the search still continues......------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mel-o-d Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 You guys are taking this *title* way too seriously. When your bf/gf becomes your best friend, you risk losing so much of yourself and your heart when (not if) the relationship ends. *Potential* bestfriend, yes, but absolute very best friend, no. That should come only much later when you know you're on the same page in terms of what you want out of life and from each other.------------------Work like you don't need the money,Love like you have never been hurt,Dance like nobody is watching. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trippintrance64 Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Zoya, and Jana....couldnt agree with you more.-----------------------"A man makes his sunshine, and he makes his rain. Look at what you have, and where you are, before you say, "I've had a horrible day" Appreciate what you have, and realize how much others wish they could have that much. Live Life, and LOVE IT!" --Me-----"We where somewhere in the desert, near barstow....when the drugs began to kick in" -Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas AIM: fantom0680 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mel-o-d Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 mysteriousss - totally agree with you there. Relationships are just hard. They're not perfect and never can be.Ideally of course, your bf/gf is your friend first and foremost. A better question would be, would you be willing to sacrifice friendship for something more? Me - nope. Real friends are hard to come by, bf/gf are a dime a dozen.BTW Flying-High, I agree with you completely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jammy Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by resident:Y'all are a bunch of sappy babies! Just kidding, just kidding! My 5-htp has been amazingly effective this morning and the dumb humor hasn't stopped yet... does your humor ever stop? -Jamms "heismrtweaky"------------------GLI ABBRACCI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resident Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by jammy: does your humor ever stop? -Jamms "heismrtweaky"Oh, the attempts at don't, but humor per se, i.e., the entertainment value of such, might reach levels so low where I am embarrassing myself. But that's nothing new... tttwwweeeaaakkkyyy ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
back2basics- Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 There seem to be quiet a few people saying my idea GF/BF... but NOW, i wouldn't consider going out with somebody on a more regular basis unless i could talk to them about EVERYTHING... to me it MORE than being freinds, there are certain things (and this is probably because i am a guy) that i wouldn't discuss with most of my freinds.Physical attraction and sex can get in the way when finding out who is going to be best for you long term. I am not saying it's not important but as soon as emotions get involved humans start making bad decesions... we have all done it.------------------I want to go out blazing..not fade away.Trust in the currency of relationships, it's hard to earn but easy to loose - back2basics Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diana Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by divalicious:I believe the next guy who becomes my boyfriend, should be a potential best friend and everything that goes along with that, first and foremost. This is so important to me, because if I can't be his best friend, why do I even want him as my boyfriend? I don't need to say that he should also be my stud muffin, do I?I see so may relationships where the bf/gf is this completely separate entity in their someone's life. And I think that those relationships are doomed to fail, because the two people are obviously not right for eachother. I see no reason that I should treat my bf differently than I treat my friends... Except, of course, when he is in stud muffin mode.I could not agree with you more! My boyfriend is my best friend in the whole world and is the first person I run to talk to about anything and everything. You need to have that friendship in your relationship.......espcecially if this is the person you are going to be with forever. Friendship is lasting and that could be a bond that keeps the relationship going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nlichau Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 My best friend, my soul mate, my partner, my companion, my second half, my teacher, my student.Our souls will travel together, and help each others souls to reach a higher level. We will learn through each other and we will live through each other. We have met for a reason and will travel together in this life, and will have a connection in our other lives. ------------------The music makes the people come together... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysteriousss Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Originally posted by nikkisticks:My best friend, my soul mate, my partner, my companion, my second half, my teacher, my student.Our souls will travel together, and help each others souls to reach a higher level. We will learn through each other and we will live through each other. We have met for a reason and will travel together in this life, and will have a connection in our other lives. Oh shuttup girlie You just HAD to rub it in didn't ya???????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ooana Posted February 21 Report Share Posted February 21 Okay, some folks may kill me for saying this but...I don't believe in someone being your "second half" or a person who "completes you." Nor do I believe in that fable that everyone was born a whole, and then we were seperated and we spend our entire lives searching for that "missing piece."A relationship, imho, is made up of three parts.1. You.2. Your partner.3. The relationship.If any one of those parts is neglected...the relationship crumbles.In the Prophet, I think Gibran sums it up pretty perfectly..."Love on another, but make not a bond of love:Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.Give one antoher of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.Even as strings of a lute are alone through they quiver with the same music.Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.And stand together yet not too near together:For the pillars of the temple stand apart,And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."I love that portion of the book. For a relationship to really work, I think each person's individuality needs to foster. The amazing part of being with someone who is good for you, is that they help to make all that is great in you better, and of course...they aren't fearful to point it out when you're being a class A weenie.I remember awhile ago, someone said they wanted a man who could call them beautiful even when they're PMSing. I don't remember who it was, but for me...that's exactly what I DON'T want.If I'm being a bitch...I want them to tell me.I want someone who can make me laugh at my own ludicrousy. Help me accept my own faults and help me try to mend them. Give me shit when I'm being a shit. Tell me I'm being a bitch when I complain, whine and overall throw a tantrum because I'm out of haagen daz icecream. THEN walk WITH me to go pick it up and sit with me while I munch away.-Oo------------------I am NOT a fag hag. I'm a fairy princess."When the soul wishes to experience something, she throws an image of the experience out before her, and enters into her own image." -Eckhart"I heard of a man that says words so beautiful that if he only speaks their name, women give themselves to him.If I am dumb by your body while silence blossoms like tumors on our lips it is because I hear a man climb the stairs and clear his throat outside our door." - Leonard Cohen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathyo Posted February 22 Report Share Posted February 22 I agree with Oo. I've already had the "tell me how wonderful I am all the time" guy. Of course some of the time he was lying, but that was OK because it was to my benefit. Little did I realize that a liar is a liar. He also lied about running up my credit cards and things like that. Fortunately, I have a guy now that is blatently honest with me. Even when I don't want to hear the truth. Sometimes his honesty can hurt, but when it does, I just remember how much more being lied to hurt. I feel so lucky to have someone, finally, who isn't just telling me what I want to hear! I have much more respect for that!As far as the "best friend" thing goes. If someone asked me now if my b/f is my best friend I would naturally say YES! Of course he is, because we are in love!! But, from a logical point of view, it doesn't really make sense. If we broke up would we still be best friends? No, I doubt I could even be a "friend", too many emotions. I think a best friend is someone who will *always* be there...most of the time you can't honestly say that about a relationship. If someone asked me one year into dating my future husband if we would *always* be together, what would I have said...of course! Well 7 years later and a divorce in the process...need I say more. I'm not being a pessimist here, just realistic. These are the "brain" thoughts, not the "heart" thoughts.Is my b/f my best friend?...in my heart...yes, and foolish Cathy ONLY listens to her heart ------------------ "A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to it's old dimensions."~*~*~Don't use time or words carelessly, neither can be retrieved.~*~*~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bang_66_ Posted February 22 Report Share Posted February 22 Well, I think that chemistry is really important, not just sexual but ... that you feel like the other person makes you feel like nothing else matters (and vice versa) If this is not the case, then I think the relationship is doomed from the get go. ------------------"I would believe only in a god who could dance.""Without music, life would be a mistake."-Nietzsche Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
divalicious Posted February 22 Author Report Share Posted February 22 For the most part Cathyo, I agree with you. Except on one point... The part about your bf/gf not being your best friend, because they won't always be there. I've had best friends in my life, who are no longer a part of my life... Yet I have an ex boyfriend of 5 years, with whom I am continuing a friendship. Yes, there were a LOT of feelings to deal with, but once I got over him romantically, I was able to be friends with him. Of course, this is only possible, because we were also friends in our relationship. ------------------Is it Friday yet? Peace Love Happiness y'all DivaliciousNYC@aol.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying_high Posted February 22 Report Share Posted February 22 Originally posted by divalicious:For the most part Cathyo, I agree with you. Except on one point... The part about your bf/gf not being your best friend, because they won't always be there. I've had best friends in my life, who are no longer a part of my life... Yet I have an ex boyfriend of 5 years, with whom I am continuing a friendship. Yes, there were a LOT of feelings to deal with, but once I got over him romantically, I was able to be friends with him. Of course, this is only possible, because we were also friends in our relationship. I have to agree with Divalicious here. Maybe we all define the term bf/gf a little bit different. When I was talking about THE BF I'm not talking about all the "trials" I came across but about the person I could honestly say "I love you" to (and that has been only a few times in all those years). Anyway, I had some very best friends witch whom I'm not in that much contact anymore cause people drift apart as of their changes in life ...anyway, my ex-bf with whom I had a best friend=lover relationship is even now, 6 years after our breakup, a very good friend on whom I will always be able to rely on and vice versa...------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathyo Posted February 22 Report Share Posted February 22 Originally posted by divalicious:For the most part Cathyo, I agree with you. Except on one point... The part about your bf/gf not being your best friend, because they won't always be there. I've had best friends in my life, who are no longer a part of my life... Yet I have an ex boyfriend of 5 years, with whom I am continuing a friendship. Yes, there were a LOT of feelings to deal with, but once I got over him romantically, I was able to be friends with him. Of course, this is only possible, because we were also friends in our relationship. I think that is great that you can still have such a friend after the relationship. I guess I just take my outlook based on what happened with me and my ex. For years everthing was so perfect and I would have said in a heartbeat that we would always be there for each other. Now he's not even there for our kids (at least not financially) and I just find that so appalling. You're right though, I can't make generalizations based on my own experiences.------------------ "A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to it's old dimensions."~*~*~Don't use time or words carelessly, neither can be retrieved.~*~*~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmgreenz Posted February 22 Report Share Posted February 22 Flying - you make some good points there. I didn't mean that the person should try to change me too drastically. Just minor tweaks and adjustments here and there. I'm not set in my ways yet and I don't think I have the answer to everything. Basically, as I get older and more experienced, my personality and self will continue to evolve. it's a moving target.So, some shaping and molding from a partner could be helpful. And, if they expose me to things that I had previously been ignorant of or close-minded about, that would be another kind of welcome change.But, I'm not looking to be controlled orwhipped either, even though this message may sound a little like that. Originally posted by flying_high: I don't think that being loved for who and what you are (including all your faults) is the same as accepting all the bullshit that comes out sometimes. I mean sure, I do want my bf to tell me when I screw up and do something stupid or mean but I don't want to be changed. I mean what do you mean by "help make me a better person"...don't you want to be loved for what and who you are? If someone is constantly changing his/her loved one...shouldn't the person be with someone that comes closer to his/her ideal. Sorry, but I've seen too many relationships where the girls are constantly on the guys back and try to turn them into something they just aren't and they should never be cause no one should change or loose his/her identity for anyone...my 2 cents------------------DM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysteriousss Posted February 22 Report Share Posted February 22 Originally posted by mel-o-d:You guys are taking this *title* way too seriously. When your bf/gf becomes your best friend, you risk losing so much of yourself and your heart when (not if) the relationship ends. *Potential* bestfriend, yes, but absolute very best friend, no. That should come only much later when you know you're on the same page in terms of what you want out of life and from each other.Hmmm.. Very good point.. I've been there before and when we broke up my world was completely torn apart because I lost my best friend AND my boyfriend.. BUT.. My point is that your bf/gf has to be your best friend, and that does NOT mean that they have to be your only friend and your only BEST friend.. I was talking about all the different things that make ppl feel like best friends and those things are critical in a relationship... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying_high Posted February 22 Report Share Posted February 22 Originally posted by dmgreenz:I don't buy into this 'accept me for who i am' and the 'unconditional love' bs. I want to be with someone that will help make me a better person. And that will likely mean telling me when to get my ass in gear.If I'm being an asshole or really screw things up, I want her to put a boot to my ass so I straighten things out. If I've got a stupid pipe dream, I want her to be my voice of reason. And, I of course will do/be the same for her.If she's too agreeable, she's toast, it's not gonna work. I want to be challanged. If it's too easy, it's not gonna be worth it. I don't think that being loved for who and what you are (including all your faults) is the same as accepting all the bullshit that comes out sometimes. I mean sure, I do want my bf to tell me when I screw up and do something stupid or mean but I don't want to be changed. I mean what do you mean by "help make me a better person"...don't you want to be loved for what and who you are? If someone is constantly changing his/her loved one...shouldn't the person be with someone that comes closer to his/her ideal. Sorry, but I've seen too many relationships where the girls are constantly on the guys back and try to turn them into something they just aren't and they should never be cause no one should change or loose his/her identity for anyone...my 2 cents------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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