gqsmuv Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 hey, just keep your head up and stay strong...your life is long and memory space is limited...so knock out the bad stuff and use your memory for all the happier times you've had and the happy times ahead of you... ------------------i used to be conceited, but now i'm perfect... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest crystalmethodny Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Right now all I want is a nice Stoli Gimlet on the rocks with a twist of lime.But in reality, sorry to hear about your pain.You have my sympathies.------------------"Can you feel it?""We're going to build things up slowly... are you with me? Here we go."CrystalMethodNYC@aol.comwww.extremegroove.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resident Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by vampienyc10:Okay this is only MY opinion.....------------ Standing Ovation ---------------------------------it's funny until somebody gets hurt. and then it's even funnier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 I don't think there is anything WRONG with going out . . . we all need some time apart . . . it's healthy for the relationship. However, if my boyfriend was going out with his friends EVERY WEEKEND and getting fucked up every weekend . . . then YES, that would be a issue for me. Marcella, moving in with a girl doesn't necessarily mean a show of love/commitment if that's all he did. If he thought okay I'll show her I love her by moving in with her then go out ever weekend with his friends, go to spring break every years with his friends, and then when problems arise, he move back in with his mother . . . where's the sign in that? Obviously he didn't want to compromise his freedom to do what ever he wanted to do, so he left. Keep in mind that they have been together for 4 years. If that was his mentality then ONE he shouldn't of moved in with her and TWO he shouldn't of gone into a committed relationship.I've been accused of being a nagger with my ex-fiance, but you know what I only started complaining and nagging when things were not changing. TRUE, it's my fault for staying in a relationship with a immaure asshole for so long, but he's equally at fault for all times that he told me he was serious. So, I think it's not right to justify this guy's actions.BlueAngel------------------"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." — Andre Gide [This message has been edited by blueangel (edited 03-22-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christyne13 Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by vampienyc10:...maybe the reason why goes out so much is b/c you are always nagging him and telling him where/what to do and how to do it....gurl...that is so wrong on so many levels.------------------"...I'll take my problems to the dance floor... let the music make my spirits sore..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resident Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by blueangel:I don't think there is anything WRONG with going out . . . we all need some time apart . . . it's healthy for the relationship. However, if my boyfriend was going out with his friends EVERY WEEKEND and getting fucked up every weekend . . . then YES, that would be a issue for me. OK, I'm not trying to attack one or the other point of view, but wanted to present yet another angle - Erotic is obviously scorned, do you expect fair, unbiased information to judge the guy by? I don't think it's happened yet, in the history of the world, that people (both men and women) that break up with their significant others actually provide an accurate story of what happened, as opposed to a biased version that gets everyone rooting for them.------------------it's funny until somebody gets hurt. and then it's even funnier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resident Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by blueangel:The fact that there are way too many guys/gals out there that think relationships should not effect the individual's lifestyle. OF COURSE IT DOES! You're in a relationship with another person . . . the minute you promise the other person commitment then you're basically saying that you WANT to share a life together. That includes compromising and YES, changing your lifestyle cause that person means more to you.No argument there. A relationship means that yes, you do change your lifestyle to some degree - how much depends on the relationship and you - govern yourself accordingly. However, you're not very likely to reach any understanding or a happy medium if the girl's idea of relationship consists of spending weekends together and away from the evil of clubs, and the guy's - of giving her a big red hand with a "You're #1" for her birthday (or an equivalent manly-man gesture). Age's got nothing to do with it - you need to communicate with each other so that both are meeting each other's expectations and stay happy. If you can't reach an understanding with this under-28-year-old guy, chances are you will with another one.Just my $0.02.------------------it's funny until somebody gets hurt. and then it's even funnier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vampienyc10 Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by blueangel: Didn't mean to come out like I'm attacking Marcella. Sorrie, sensative topic. Marcella, you a WONDERFUL chicka! You don't need me to tell you that! BlueAngelHey Casey you should know very well that we are friends on/off this board ...and friends don't always have to see eye to eye on everything....What's best is that we are able to express our opinions openly and freely and I respect yours truly! xoxoMUAH !! ------------------AIM vampienyc10e-mail: vampie@aol.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by resident: No argument there. A relationship means that yes, you do change your lifestyle to some degree - how much depends on the relationship and you - govern yourself accordingly. However, you're not very likely to reach any understanding or a happy medium if the girl's idea of relationship consists of spending weekends together and away from the evil of clubs, and the guy's - of giving her a big red hand with a "You're #1" for her birthday (or an equivalent manly-man gesture). Age's got nothing to do with it - you need to communicate with each other so that both are meeting each other's expectations and stay happy. If you can't reach an understanding with this under-28-year-old guy, chances are you will with another one.Just my $0.02.Absolutely! Age has nothing to do with it at all. I think somebody else wrote that immaturity has no age . . . that goes for maturity too. I've dated guys in thier 30's and have seen some that are MORE immature than 20's. It really is all about communication, communication and more communication.BlueAngel------------------"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." — Andre Gide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by vampienyc10: What's best is that we are able to express our opinions openly and freely and I respect yours truly! xoxoMUAH !! Hey! Are ya coming out to dinner on 4/20? I KNOW YOU WILL!!LOVING YOU!! BlueAngel------------------"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." — Andre Gide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resident Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by blueangel: Hey! Are ya coming out to dinner on 4/20? I KNOW YOU WILL!!LOVING YOU!! BlueAngelY'all are trippin' It's time to go to Miami... I'll tweak y'all later!------------------it's funny until somebody gets hurt. and then it's even funnier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christyne13 Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by vampienyc10:...maybe the reason why goes out so much is b/c you are always nagging him and telling him where/what to do and how to do it....--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Originally posted by christyne13: gurl...that is so wrong on so many levels.I don't know these 2 people and can't say exactly how each of them act. Vampie, what I was referring to was the fact that alot of guys will say a girl is nagging when in fact the girl is at her witts end. And to hear a fellow woman say that the reason he goes out is 'cause she's naggin' is upsetting to me. I myself am a strong, happy with myself, kind of chick. I've been married to my highschool sweetheart for nearly 8 years...and we've been together for 15 (yes i'm 30!)...he does his own thang on occasion and I'm glad with that...but there have been instances in the past when he would lose sight of the big picture and I would "remind" him about...not nag!Peace out Girlie ------------------"...I'll take my problems to the dance floor... let the music make my spirits sore..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goagirl63 Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 I am very sorry to hear about your situation.Times like that we all have. Your anger will subside. I am probably one of the older girls on the board at 37.I believe maturity comes with a person, not with age. I have a friend, she is 36 and her boyfriend just turned 24. They have been together since he was 21. They just had there 1st child. He is so excited, he say's he can't wait to have at least one more. I am absolutely amazed by him and applaud him. I was with the same guy for 16 years and we were married for 5 of those 16 and lived together for at least 10. He is now 40. Maturity level 12. I am soon to be divorce. One person can only take so much. I know for many years we weren't happy. Why I stayed as long as I did? Will always be a question I will ask myself. I should have left him 10 years ago. So, my advice to anyone in a relationship that is not happy, please don't stay, get out. Life goes to fast to have to put up with any bullshit that you don't have too. My husband, I found out, was cheating on me for a very long time. I thought he was cheating because of something I did. People who cheat need to have a feeling of superioriority. I think I spelled it right. When in fact, cheaters are very weak. Cheating in a relationship is not an option. If I wasn't enough for him and he didn't love me and want to be with and he felt the need to be with someone else, he should have just told me, instead of putting me through so much heartache. Ya wanna know the best part of it all, I left 5 times in our relationship and this being the final one and he always wanted me back. Even today, he would take me back in a second. Not this time. It's that old saying "You never know what you have until it's gone". I think I had a point to all of this and it is. In the end, you will much happier without him. Time heels all wounds. It's not something you will ever forget,though. The experience will only make you stronger. Good luck!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glowgirl Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 I hear you loud and clear sister!You need a man that knows what he wants and that has his shit together!NO GAMES PLEASE!!!!------------------Hi! How ya doing? where ya been, I had thoughts of you all night long. Can't describe what you did, but you got me so!Aolimer: Glowgirl42000Email: Sugar4@earthlink.net Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysteriousss Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 GUYS SUCK LOL.. And that's the bottom line! Their age doesn't really matter coz boys will be boys On a serious note.. I read all of your guy's points and honestly, I agree with all of you on most of the stuff you wrote.. Too many posts to reply to individually.. But all I gotta say is, Erotic, live and learn.. Each experience, no matter how painful and emotionally draining, is a learning experience. Take something from it and think about it.. We ALL had bad experiences (unless you married your kindergarten sweetheart LOL) and all of us survived. No need to become bitter towards all men (although I have! but I'm wrong so don't do it).. The anger and pain will go away, hopefully rather sooner than later. You might not ever get over it completely but worry not, you will find someone who will be perfect for you and will not break your heart. It's a part of life going through all these pains and dealing with all the bullshit. So keep your chin up and keep checking those IDs LMAO.. jk guys, the younger the better HAHAHAHA... Nah.. it's all about their heart and mind, and unfortunately, there are no tell-tell signs for those...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vampienyc10 Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 Christyne, Explain how what I am saying is soo wrong ? Go to ANY seminars/counselling regarding relationships..and they will tell you that is the first thing you should NOT do ! I mean some women really blow me away.. You cry for fucking equality and then you get it and want something else? NOW WHAT !When you become attracted to a person and begin to like that person, you like that person for who he/she is....don't try changing them.. why is it not good enough now...is that not why you liked them in the first place..?I for one LOVE individuality..I am ME and YOU are YOU.. Together - you have so many things to bring into a relationship .....One man/woman's strength is another man/woman's weakness....You put all the odds and ends together and you compliment each other very well.. ------------------AIM vampienyc10e-mail: vampie@aol.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 Originally posted by resident: OK, I'm not trying to attack one or the other point of view, but wanted to present yet another angle - Erotic is obviously scorned, do you expect fair, unbiased information to judge the guy by? I don't think it's happened yet, in the history of the world, that people (both men and women) that break up with their significant others actually provide an accurate story of what happened, as opposed to a biased version that gets everyone rooting for them.You're absolutely right! Her version (I'm sure) is definately biased. However, that's not what I'm debating over. Initially when I responded, yes, I was responding to her post. But now, it's the principle. The fact that there are way too many guys/gals out there that think relationships should not effect the individual's lifestyle. OF COURSE IT DOES! You're in a relationship with another person . . . the minute you promise the other person commitment then you're basically saying that you WANT to share a life together. That includes compromising and YES, changing your lifestyle cause that person means more to you. This is the point that I'm tying to put across. To say that I should have the freedom to go out with my friends whenever I want . . . well then you shouldn't be in a committed relationship.I know there are two sides to every story . . . sorry if I come across a bit too bitchy this morning . . . I guess this just hit too close to home for me. BlueAngel------------------"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." — Andre Gide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erotic26 Posted March 23 Author Report Share Posted March 23 From MY own experiene I have dated guys who are under 25 and found them to be immature that is MY experience though. I am not sterotyping. I did not LIVE with him for 4 years and He DID not go out every weekend without me, it was always Us and all our friends and when we DId want to go out seperatly we would. THAT was NOt the problem.He had moved in in DEC. before that we were in our seprate apartments and he decided that we move in.. WE figured we'd take a step into the right direction. Right from the start though there was tension.. I ended up going into surgery, he was taking a pay cut from job and THEN right away had to start studying for his series 7 EXAM which is an extremly hard test. The pressure Built up.. he started talking shitty to me , ignoring me COMPLETLY just b/c every night he had no choice but to prepare himself for this exam b/c his job would be on the line, I was supportive through all this and in the end he just could not handle the financial situation. Like he said in his goodbye letter " I just feel that there is no other way of me making adjustments in my life to better yours at this point" The letter really did not make any sense really.. WHICH is why I am left devasted and confused. B/c I know He truly loves me. The only reason why I mentioned Spring break is b/c out of anger i thought he may be plotting to go and he knew he could not if he was still living with me b/c he could not afford to. I have no idea if he is now going.. I have no idea if it is really b/c of his bills and not being able to pay them that he had to go.. He never said I did anything wrong He said It was not me..IT IS immature of him to not face me and tell me WHAT is on his mind and WHY he felt he must go live back home. MAYBe he was very embarresed and his pride was hurt b/c he thought he could do it and realizing he would never be able to save any money this way and pay his bills BUT I atleast had deserved a reason. I have not called and WILL not, MAYBE in a couple of weeks after we are both over being so emmotional we will talk but I really Have to take care of me now and ask myself.. DID the GOOD out weigh the BAD b/c in the end He emmotionally abused me when all I did WAS be loving to him, loving and gave him PLENTY of space He studied for 2 months straight , paid no attention to me HARDLY I knew this test was important BUt SO is a relationship.. and right before his test was his Birthday i got him the Gift he REALLY wanted since Christmas (PS2) i made his Birthday special even though he could not really celebrate it b/c his test was two days away.. I was very very good to him.. I don't know why he turns from hot to cold (I went through this treatment last year, but we were not living together) MAYbe he has emmotional problems.. WHO KNOWS? BUt I really need some answers, and right now JUST showing me the way he left with just a stupid GOODBYE letter was FUCKED UP. OH by the way he was not a complete jerk he left me a check for half the rent and little more for expenses HOW LOVELY. Oh yea, spragga's remark about Spring break is just about being with the guys... Yea RIIIIIGT, Maybe you need to come out of the closet hun... Just kidding Listen I am just really really hurt right now if you are going to reply to say mean things don't bother I've been through enough.thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 Originally posted by vampienyc10:I for one LOVE individuality..I am ME and YOU are YOU.. Together - you have so many things to bring into a relationship .....One man/woman's strength is another man/woman's weakness....You put all the odds and ends together and you compliment each other very well.. GREAT POINT!! We can't change people, I definately learned that the hard way. HOWEVER, when you're in a relationship you have to compromise or be willing to compromise. You can't take two people who are SET in their ways and believe that their relationship will work.Also, as much as a girl's nagging in wrong . . . blaming your actions on a girl's nagging is wrong too. I mean how many times have we heard "You're always nagging me about not going out because you think I'm gonna cheat on you .. . well your nagging is gonna make me cheat on you." Yea, nice one. BlueAngel------------------"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." — Andre Gide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
realfast Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 I'd like to see a pic of you..maybe I'll take you out I'm good looking rich and i don't do drugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarioNY Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 I kinda agree with Resident here and so I'm not gonna judge Erotic's relationship with her boyfriend. I don't know her and her ex and so I don't know the full story. However I disagree with the way she is stereotyping guys just because she thinks her ex was an immature jerk. Personally Erotic, I think that makes YOU look immature. I'm 23 and damn proud to be 23. Since I've moved to NY I've always wished that I were older because too many girls think like you. I've even had one bluntly tell me to "do yourself a favor and lie about your age...you'll pass for 26" when she found out I was only 21 at the time.And now to Vampie's defense...I think she was just voicing her opinion here. Every woman handles a relationship in a different way. Vampie, unlike others, seems very secure about her relationship. I know her and her boyfriend personally. They trust one another to party responsibly on their own. Sure they spend a lot of quality time together but doesn't mean that her boyfriend can't go paint the town with his buddies without her getting worried and vice versa. Personally that is a VERY attractive feature in a girl. I bet you her boyfriend isn’t complaining he has a "ball in chain" and I know how much he cares for her. ------------------ MarioNY.com AOL:ZOMBLA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armada Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 Originally posted by MarioNY:I kinda agree with Resident here and so I'm not gonna judge Erotic's relationship with her boyfriend. I don't know her and her ex and so I don't know the full story. However I disagree with the way she is stereotyping guys just because she thinks her ex was an immature jerk. Personally Erotic, I think that makes YOU look immature. I'm 23 and damn proud to be 23. Since I've moved to NY I've always wished that I were older because too many girls think like you. I've even had one bluntly tell me to "do yourself a favor and lie about your age...you'll pass for 26" when she found out I was only 21 at the time.And now to Vampie's defense...I think she was just voicing her opinion here. Every woman handles a relationship in a different way. Vampie, unlike others, seems very secure about her relationship. I know her and her boyfriend personally. They trust one another to party responsibly on their own. Sure they spend a lot of quality time together but doesn't mean that her boyfriend can't go paint the town with his buddies without her getting worried and vice versa. Personally that is a VERY attractive feature in a girl. I bet you her boyfriend isn’t complaining he has a "ball in chain" and I know how much he cares for her. Very nice!!! That says it all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petrol Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 Originally posted by vampienyc10:.. why is it not good enough now...is that not why you liked them in the first place..?I for one LOVE individuality..I am ME and YOU are YOU.. Together - you have so many things to bring into a relationship .....One man/woman's strength is another man/woman's weakness....You put all the odds and ends together and you compliment each other very well.. O M G... Vampie and Blueangel, do you have sisters? Wait... Blue *does* have a sis... ::grin::You two are proof that the good ones have BFs. for my 2 cents... I've pretty much decided I won't date under 26 for the same reasons as listed above, unless i meet a fucking messiah. It just strikes me that the odds are stacked against me finding what I want in a woman if she is any younger, not that they're not out there, just that I'll have to look further.Although, even i will admit it comes from bad experiences leaving me jaded, but still, I'm sticking to my guidelines. I cant blame her for doing the same for the same reasons. In the end, it really is a question of odds as to whether we'll meet a person wh owe 'click' with. All she's doing is upping the odds.------------------"Buckle up"-she knows who she is.AOL IM: petrol01 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 Originally posted by MarioNY:And now to Vampie's defense...I think she was just voicing her opinion here. Every woman handles a relationship in a different way. Vampie, unlike others, seems very secure about her relationship. I know her and her boyfriend personally. They trust one another to party responsibly on their own. Sure they spend a lot of quality time together but doesn't mean that her boyfriend can't go paint the town with his buddies without her getting worried and vice versa. Personally that is a VERY attractive feature in a girl. I bet you her boyfriend isn’t complaining he has a "ball in chain" and I know how much he cares for her. Didn't mean to come out like I'm attacking Marcella. Sorrie, sensative topic. Marcella, you a WONDERFUL chicka! You don't need me to tell you that! BlueAngel------------------"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." — Andre Gide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 erotic26, I feel for you cause getting over a long relationship is ALWAYS hard. However, you really portrayed a different view with your initial post. I'm gonna respect your request about not criticizing you cause you're going through some emotional distress. BlueAngel------------------"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." — Andre Gide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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