erotic26 Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 I have decided that from this day on I will never date a guy who is younger than 28 years old. It just seems that these young guys have the same pattern, they are not ready or even if they think they are ready for a commitment they fail. Do you women hear what I am saying? It's just so F****** UP! I am saying all of these b/c I have just broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years and IT is always the same SHIT every time of the year.. SPRING BREAK.. and Hello, he's 25 now NOT 18 19 years old.. and he knows i am not going to put up with him going to no more SPRINg BREAKS and baby shit like that I deserve MORE than that! SO, it IS OVER.. i gave hima friggin test a test to see if he could tow the line and HE COULD not DEAL SO he left with his tail between his legs and ran HOME to mommy SO HE can live for free and go to spring break and just be an irresonsible MAMA's BOY... HE FAILED with me, he failed with living by himself before he moved in with me and now HE's Back home with his MOMMY WELL GOOD let her TAKe care of him now, LET him go to SF every SAT and do E till his friggin brain goes dead! SCARED little boy!! He knew he could never get away with pulling that shit with me NOT coming home.. staying at SF doing drugs??? YEA RIGHT NOT with this STRONG woman here! He knew his friends were yet AGAIN planning another sping BREAK and how coincidental that everyone broke up with their girls... so recently?? WHAT the heck is that? ANd he KNEW that living with me and trying to pull this crap with going out every weekend and thinking he does not have to give me the same consideration you give a person when you LIVE with them WOULD NOT go with me... SO I say GOOD Rittens! AND I know right now my heart is TORN and especially with him being so sneaky about him moving out... I will eventually realize that HE DID ME a FAVOR, b/c He would have stopped me from being HAPPY and eventually finding SOMEONE that is GOOD for me. SO... I am a survivor and I may not FEEL ok now.BUT TIME will heal my heart and for all you WOMEN who have experienced SHIT like this REPLY cause I really could use some positive advice right now. OK this is good that I am venting...and finally feeling ANGRY which will help me get over this SCUMBAG. sorry for the drama but I REALLY needed to get this OUT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aljedynak Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 You sound really angry but I hear where you're coming from. It sounds like the two of you were just at different points in your lives. Don't be in such a rush to settle down, get married, etc. because when the time is right and the person is right it will all fall into place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erotic26 Posted March 22 Author Report Share Posted March 22 I never said i was in a rush to settle down etc.. BUT it all changes when two people who love eachother move in together. He had down this once before then we got back after 2 months last year and then in December SAYS he wanted to take THAT next step and move in together.. He should of thought of all this beFORE he decided to change the way he feels ONCE again. THE WAY he CHOSE to leave was devastating, and cowardly. I did not even know he was going.. just got home his shit was gone. and there was a goodbye letter with all this crap that did not even make sense. SO, that was my fianl lesson and I knew i would be taking the chance of letting him move in that he would pull this crap AGAIN.. BUt THIS IS it! NO GOOD reason for him to go other than he WANTED to live home again with his mother so he can be a little boy again. thanks for the reply Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djstripe Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 so now that you have some room.....you need a new scrub to move in? ......J/K...plz don't stab me .....all said and done....beter to find out his character now before it was too late..(ie ring on finger)....------------------ OBE is a thing of beauty... to the beat of the drum ... bang ... to the beat of the drum .. bang bang ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candrec Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Hey, I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. It always sucks when you get hurt by someone you care for. Time will heal all wounds, even if they do leave scars behind. I think what you've said is correct, I think that what he did is the BEST thing for you. I guess he did do you a favor. It is obvious that he was NOT ready for ANY commitment. Also, as a guy who is under your 28 year old age limit, I would like to ask of you NOT to lose FAITH in ALL men. Some guys are more mature than others, no doubt about that. Just take some time to reflect on what you've been through, and have some fun when you can. When you find the right one, you'll know it, everything will seem to fall into place.In the mean time, just take it one day at a time. Lot's of HUGZ!!!------------------Carlos"If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it truely is, infinite." -William Blake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris817 Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Iam sorry to hear about what happened to you.. Iam not gonna lie its not easy and it probably will not be for awhile.. but one day you will wake up and think what should i have for breakfast instead of him.. Dont hate your X its too easy to hate.. realize that you dont need him in your life, and your better without him..let him have his drugs and SF friends, and spring breaks..those will all fade.. and he will realize what he gave up for a pill.. just dont hate guys, were all not that bad.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pookie23 Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 As a guy is 26 and just got back from a South Beach spring break, all I have to say is...did you have ANY trust in him at all. Spring Break is for fun and to chill with the guys - he's not allowed to do that? If you trust him, he won't cheat - he'll know what he's got when he comes home! Just don't put EVERY guy in that category - you come off as immature and very insecure - just my own opinion!------------------AIM: Spragga25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying_high Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Hey girl, I hear you and I do understand where you're coming from. Believe me though that everything happens for a reason and one day you'll see that even this episode had its positive and beneficial site...although right now you're probably not really into that spirit. No need to put an age-limit to guys though. Some just are little boys and will never leave the diaper stage. The last guy I dated didn't even have the guts to tell me it was over...just sneaked out of my life and pretended he didn't see me when we met etc...totally immature and just not men enough to handle me. So, see it this way, you'r guy just wasn't strong enough to cope with a woman like you... that's sad for him and all there is, is pitty....Lots of hugs and keep your chin up...things will look brighter again at some point ------------------ AIM: flying77high Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
translucent Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 There's no age limit on immaturity. Having said that there's nothing wrong with someone not being ready to settle down. The key is communication and honesty. If you do prefer someone more "mature," focus on the person's lifestyle. Generally, people who are out of school, have a real job for at least three years and have been living own their own for at least two tend to be more mature regardless of age.------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 I think the men in here are missing the point. It's okay to be NOT ready for a serious relationship . . . OF COURSE that's okay. BUT I think what erotic26 was trying to point out and is that this guy had no consideration for her feelings what so ever. I mean come on . . . 4 years your with someone and LIVING together and you want to go out EVERY SINGLE weekend to get fucked up in a club . . . THEN go to spring break EVERY year with your boys. That doesn't sound like someone who's not ready to committ, cause if that was the case then you shouldn't lead a girl on for 4 years AND live with them as well. That just sounds like a guy who's not ready to GROW UP period!!erotic26, I hear you girl. I was with someone for 4 years too and even engaged . . . look at it this way. YOU'RE so much wiser and stronger than him cause it was YOU who said enough is enough. Sometimes, breaking up is harder than to be left behind. Look past this and just be thankful that it only took you 4 years and not the rest of your life.Now that you know your value, the next guy you find will be SO MUCH better than the last one. TRUST ME! BlueAngel------------------"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." — Andre Gide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petp Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 erotic, tell us how you really feel!!! hehehei feel bad for you, cause i was in the same situation a year and a half ago (living with someone and they f#cking it all up), so that can be really tough. in all actuality, i was pretty glad it was over when it happened cause i knew all the fighting and sleepless nights would finally come to an end. so hang in there and know that this is probably the best thing for YOU. no need to fret, youre quite the hottie and im sure you'll find someone who will appreciate you.and not all guys under 25 are immature (though yes, most are), i know when i was younger (im 28 now) i was acting like a 30 year old!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
risa06 Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 oh please, even at 28 some guyz don't know what the hell they want...Sorry to hear that...it was fucked up the way he left. But honestly, he did you a major favor...you better of w/o someone who after 4 years being together can't even say "Good Bye" to your face...Good luck girlie, time will show everything... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
translucent Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by blueangel:I think the men in here are missing the point...that this guy had no consideration for her feelings what so ever... That doesn't sound like someone who's not ready to committ, cause if that was the case then you shouldn't lead a girl on for 4 years AND live with them as well. That just sounds like a guy who's not ready to GROW UP period!!It's a given that he had no consideration for her feelings. Just because a guy lives with you for 4 years doesn't mean that he's ready to commit. Unfortunately, many guys prefer to be in a serious relationship while screwing around on the side. That way, they always have someone to come home to while either looking for the Next Best Thing or just fucking around. Sad but true.------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resident Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Wow... somebody has anger today!A while ago, in the notoriously brutal-but-true (and funny) column "Savage Love" in the Village Voice, there was an excellent statement about why this happens, why it will continue to happen, and what to do about it (well, more or less). I've tried to find the link but their site is down. I'll post it as soon as I can. Very informative reading.Resident. Under 28 and damn proud of it.------------------it's funny until somebody gets hurt. and then it's even funnier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by translucent: It's a given that he had no consideration for her feelings. Just because a guy lives with you for 4 years doesn't mean that he's ready to commit. Unfortunately, many guys prefer to be in a serious relationship while screwing around on the side. That way, they always have someone to come home to while either looking for the Next Best Thing or just fucking around. Sad but true.OH believe me, I'm not saying these things don't happen. Cause they most certainly do! BUT don't mask their immature, idiotic, childish "I don't wann grow up" behavior with "there's nothing wrong with someone not being ready to settle down." It's not a question of whether he was ready or not. It's just plain and simple childish behavior. And I don't care what anybody says . . . IF you're with someone for 4 years then that's MORE than enough time to KNOW if you want to be with that person forever or not. If you're not ready then GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE RELATIONSHIP!! If it's sex that you want then there are enough sluts in this world for you go get that from! Can't freakin' stand it when I hear about these guys who hold onto and mislead a girl cause they want someone to come home to! What the hell is that?? What are we a piece of furniture?? And then YOU guys ask why girls are so skeptical of men these days. What ever. BlueAngel------------------"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." — Andre Gide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armada Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 I am sorry that you are hurt and so angry. Once you have had time to bounce back a bit, I would suggest the following: Don't get involved with someone who exhibits this type of behavior. I am sure that he was inconsiderate of your feelings in many ways but the two that you point out, going out to clubs with friends and going to spring break are not in themselves inconsiderate. It is healthy for people involved in relationships to have their own friends and activities. If he can include you (and he should sometimes) in the going out and you have fun also, that makes it ideal. Taking a trip once a year with his friends is NOT inconsiderate. He is maintaining a relationship with friends in a manner that he has for several years now. The fact that this bothers you or you think he should stop because he is involved in a relationship is unfair and controlling. It perpetuates all the negative steroetypes and fears that guys have regarding reltionships. If you don't want to deal with that type of thing, that's your choice. Be more selective about who you get invovled with. Don't go in trying to change nim or think that it will change, and then be upset when it doesn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by armada:I am sorry that you are hurt and so angry. Once you have had time to bounce back a bit, I would suggest the following: Don't get involved with someone who exhibits this type of behavior. I am sure that he was inconsiderate of your feelings in many ways but the two that you point out, going out to clubs with friends and going to spring break are not in themselves inconsiderate. It is healthy for people involved in relationships to have their own friends and activities. If he can include you (and he should sometimes) in the going out and you have fun also, that makes it ideal. Taking a trip once a year with his friends is NOT inconsiderate. He is maintaining a relationship with friends in a manner that he has for several years now. The fact that this bothers you or you think he should stop because he is involved in a relationship is unfair and controlling. It perpetuates all the negative steroetypes and fears that guys have regarding reltionships. If you don't want to deal with that type of thing, that's your choice. Be more selective about who you get invovled with. Don't go in trying to change nim or think that it will change, and then be upset when it doesn't.I think you bring up some very good points. I do agree that a lot of time I hear stories about girls who got upset cause their boyfriends couldn't change their way for them. It's definately true (IMO) that you really can't change how they are inside. Of course there are compromises that can be made, but WHO they really can't be changed.HOWEVER, I don't think it's asking too much if I ask my boyfriend of 4 years who I live with to not go to Spring Break vacation with his boys this year. I mean he went with them the three previous years, and if I ask him to not go this year then I'm being unreasonable? I don't think so. I TOTALLY agree the two people should have thier own indiviudal lives along with a life together, but a relationship is a give and take thing. If I need you to put a lil' security into my mind by not going this one year and I think the guy (IF he loves her) should and would do that. Obviously, he didn't love her enough to make that little sacrifice. Which brings us back to my original point that if you don't know after 4 years then you need to end it.But I totally agree with you that we need to understand what our own desires and needs are and be a lil' bit more selective. You need to find someone who agrees with your goals and ideas.BlueAngel------------------"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." — Andre Gide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christyne13 Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by blueangel: ...If it's sex that you want then there are enough sluts in this world for you go get that from! Can't freakin' stand it when I hear about these guys who hold onto and mislead a girl cause they want someone to come home to! What the hell is that?? What are we a piece of furniture??...WORD! Couldn't have said that better.Erotic26, gurl YOU are the wiser one. HIM being weak, will have to follow his friends and until he can realize that it's not his boyz who will be there for him but rather his woman...he'll never get it!------------------"...I'll take my problems to the dance floor... let the music make my spirits sore..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoom Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Why did you stay with this guy all along? Please explain. What type of guy who, at 25 is still going to spring break with his 'boys'. You should have dumped him after the first time he went to spring break out of college. No self-respecting man is going to go to spring break more than one year out of college, and that's even a stretch... Even if I didn't have a GF at the time, and wanted some random fling, I wouldn't mingle with the kiddies at spring break to get it... I'd imagine you could boot a whole list of childish things he does in a hearbeat.... Thanks for ranting on about this - it keeps in perspective the bias I have to face with being 24.... And yes, NONE of my boys would ever do such a thing... F**king sad... Complete loser...I'd say to do yourself a favor an don't talk, let alone ever get back together with this guy, but something's telling me you probably will. I've seen relationships like this, and that's how it usually ends up... I dunno, good luck... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
back2basics- Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Yeh don't put an age limit on it. Your right every guy has to get out of that mind set that he get's in to through his teens and early 20's. Remember it is true that a guy who get's loads of women will get aduration from his freind, all be it behind closed doors. Guys don't say that isn't true.So they get praised for sleeping round and it takes something in his life to shock him out of that. But that could happen at any age and some guys arn't like that.. i was, but SOME guys arn't.------------------I want to go out blazing..not fade away.Trust in the currency of relationships, it's hard to earn but easy to loose - back2basics Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
translucent Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by blueangel: ..don't mask their immature, idiotic, childish "I don't wann grow up" behavior with "there's nothing wrong with someone not being ready to settle down." ...Don't confuse the two issues (BTW: I'm NOT defending this jerk). All I'm saying is that it's important for both people to be ready to settle down in order to make a long term commitment. Considering that this guy even wanted to go on spring break without his girlfriend is a sure sign that he wasn't ready. It's ok not to be ready as long as this is communicated within the relationship. This guy was immature, idiotic, and childish for not being honest and telling his girlfriend that he wasn't ready. Instead, he chose to have his cake and eat it too with complete diregard for her feelings.------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pookie23 Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Oh man, I'm getting real ticked off about this - I have no time right now to write, but I'll give my thoughts about it soon - and I'm sure with the narrow minded thinking that's been going on with this thread so far, A LOT of people will be pissed off!------------------AIM: Spragga25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armada Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Originally posted by blueangel: I think you bring up some very good points. I do agree that a lot of time I hear stories about girls who got upset cause their boyfriends couldn't change their way for them. It's definately true (IMO) that you really can't change how they are inside. Of course there are compromises that can be made, but WHO they really can't be changed.HOWEVER, I don't think it's asking too much if I ask my boyfriend of 4 years who I live with to not go to Spring Break vacation with his boys this year. I mean he went with them the three previous years, and if I ask him to not go this year then I'm being unreasonable? I don't think so. I TOTALLY agree the two people should have thier own indiviudal lives along with a life together, but a relationship is a give and take thing. If I need you to put a lil' security into my mind by not going this one year and I think the guy (IF he loves her) should and would do that. Obviously, he didn't love her enough to make that little sacrifice. Which brings us back to my original point that if you don't know after 4 years then you need to end it.But I totally agree with you that we need to understand what our own desires and needs are and be a lil' bit more selective. You need to find someone who agrees with your goals and ideas.BlueAngelIt is definitely about compromise and understanding and agreements. Provided that you don't expect or request that he NEVER go on trips with his friends, yes I would agree that if for some reason, this particular trip is an issue, then it is not too much to ask. However, if it is an understood tradition that he does with his friends and it is THE trip for the year, you should be mentally prepared and accepting of it. I take these types of trips with friends that I have known for the last 10 years. We usually hit a sping break type of spot because despite our ages, we like the party atmosphere. It allows us to catch up and enjoy each others company. Obviously, if it is being used to get away and hook-up with 18-20 year olds with a "What happens on our trip stays on our trip" mentality, then it is not fair and you have a right to be pissed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vampienyc10 Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Okay this is only MY opinion.....I know that the females might jump down my throat but from the sounds of it, erotic, it's seems like him moving in brought on some sort of a power trip on your part.. Just cause you live with someone doesn't mean that the person will stop going out and being who he/she is....He DID move in with you did he not? isn't that a sign of his love/commitment for you? That is a step in the right direction or direction you were looking for is it not? some people go at a slower pace than others.....I think you were expecting alot more out of ths whole set up... And I don't think he' s immature or a loser for wanting to go out, whether it be on the weekend or for Spring Break....You sometimes have to realize that what a "woman's" defintion of commitment is dif then a "man's"...and did you trust your bf? cause if you did I don't see why you would question his friends' actions..if THEY all broke up with their gf's how does that concern you? Did you ever stop to think that maybe the reason why goes out so much is b/c you are always nagging him and telling him where/what to do and how to do it....and so what if he goes out? He 's coming home to you isn't he? I am sorry I am in no way trying to criticize you so please don't take it like that.. it's just that sometimes we need to mentally, step out of the situation and take a look at it from a different angle.....------------------AIM vampienyc10e-mail: vampie@aol.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armada Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 Marry me Vampie!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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