NEED YOUR ADVISE! to glam or not to Glam (should I subject mysef to the velvet rope?)

[mugwump]

Well my girlfriend just got invited to a glamy dinner..That's to say she's going out to one of those places where there's a door man that sniffs you and then desides wheather or not he likes how you smell and if he digs what shoes you wear (NO SNEAKERS) when I fisrt met Kathy she use to be a club bunny like me. Bleached hair, piercings and wide Jenkos..I'd be the raver goof ball with the sideways cap and clothes twice my size but that was more than five years ago and times change..

HOWEVER..

the more she goes to these glam fests the more she starts to act the part! she makes comments like "are you wearingTHAT visor out at night?" or "Those pants are too baggy, can't you wear something more hip!?"

"HIP"? she's also becoming snooty about places that I like to go to where people care more about the MUSIC than what kind of SHOES you wear or how "Faaaaboulouse" you are.

But to each their own I say except that now it's getting harder and harder to bring her down town with me to go listen to a great set at Guernica or Filter 14. She'd rather go to the place where the line has cowboy hats and people keep getting turned away at the door..

so MY QUESTION TO YOU IS THIS:

What should I do?

Should I become something I am not to please her and spend time with her...?

(get nice shoes, tie and nut hugger pants that are a bitch to dance in)

Or should I just accept the fact that we are growing apart and have different interests now?

And whatever happens happens..

anyone else have a similar situation?

[chula22]

I think you could do it once in a while if you really care about her that much. It doesnt hurt to compromise. But if you see that she is trying to get you to convert permantly, you just might have to go your seperate ways. There shouldnt be any reason for you to TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY change your lifestyle for ANYONE!

But, give the glam a shot for a night. Put a smile on her face.

[tastyt]

I sort of know how you feel. When my boy and I met I was raver-chic. Then he started complaining about the big pants. We went shopping together a few times, I bought a couple of nice outfits for him. You know what? Now I prefer dressing up a little to getting all raved out- I'm tired of being mistaken for a 16 year-old!

If you want the relationship to last, it's all about give and take. Glam it out for her sometimes, but she should also be willing to grunge it out for you. I understand how it can seem like a change in her personality. But is it really? Has she really changed? Maybe she has. Maybe it's just a superficial thing. You have to consider how deep these changes run.

[stacychase]

mugzie... have i got a story for you. back in 93 i met my ex. we fell in love almost instantly, like the 1st date. NO JOKE... we had so many things in common or so i thought. we loved to hang out, i was in school, did not work, he worked as a fork lift operator, we both loved to hang out with our friends, listen to music, and just do cool things together. it was an awesome week when we paid all of the bills and had $$$ to spare. we were very happy.

well, than i started to change some. at first the change was so small you could hardly tell. than i got a good job (big 5 accounting) i wanted him to start dressing up, etc... now this is the man who picked me up in a white hanes t-shirt, skippys, and some baggy pants on our 1st date. he hated to dress up and he felt that i was asking him to compromise who he was. well than some other things happened in his life (can't share to painful) and i become very ashamed of him...... plus he refused to compromise or meet me half way. he felt that meant that he was selling out.

things got harder and harder for us and we finally split........ neither of refused to budge or meet each other in the middle...

so hon what i am saying is this.... go with her and enjoy yourself. you have talked about how you much you love her on this board a lot. you may find that you enjoy yourself and doing it with her will make it even better......

let us all know how much fun it is!!!!

oh and these events generally have free drinks....

[bungee]

Lesson for you Mugsz. If you love the girl and she wants you to dress up 'every so often' it is not to much of a sacrifice. If you truly love her. She will love you for it and be willing to sacrifice, in turn, for you. Must be two way street, though.

[cathyo]

I agree w/bungee. Go with your girl. Compromise, it's worth it for the person you love.

[mugwump]

Thanks guys umm..(girls)

I agree..compromise is key to a relationship.

But the thing is that I HAVE gotten dressed up with her before and what I found was this...

Most people at reaaaally nice bars, lounges stare at my streatched lobes ALOT.

Nothing wrong with that if it's just curiosity except that on a couple of ocassions I've gotten LOTS of attitude about it.

Once a guy told me to go back to the Village when I laughed and blew one of his comments off.

On another night at a place called SERENA'S (under the Chelsea Lounge, not VEEERY fancy but full of the fassion police that night) I brushed up against a guy wearing a cowboy hat and he tried to start shit with me. I was like "look cowboy I''m sorry you lost your horse but there's no need to get all john Wayne here..it's tight and crowded".

well one thing lead to another and then a fight almost broke out..

Now can I go and just say that for the record (regardless of how fistey i may seem in the boards) I am faaar from the kinda guy that would start a fight in a bar.

My home is in loud places where I can sway to great music and everyone's mad cool regardless how you look.

in glam land I've found nothing but ATTITUDE and Fake people that are extremely insecure and could care less about the music.

i may go with Kathy like you all advise and wear the costume required..

but I fear I will be yearning to throw off the nice shoes and dance where everyone is allowed to be WHOMEVER THE FUCK YOU WANNA BE!

Kathy IS my heart...

but music is my SOUL!

[xkingchangox]

Now the advice given to you reflects the point of view of women.I do agree that you should compromise to an extent.It seems like your girlfriend is surrendering some of her things of youth and evolving. I belive you should do things she likes here and there how ever do make sure not loose your self for the sake of compromise.Also remember not to go to these places all the time if you really have bad experiences there it will only make you angry and bitter.Yes compromise is a key to good relationship however communication is more important.Perhaps if she totally decides to be into the glam stuff its ok, you might want to suggest that she go with a friend or someone else.Oh by the way never fear magnums of champagne and overpriced vip tables cant hold a candle to a good jar and a 10 hour progressive set under the motorheads,itella-beams and lasers.

[shugabooga]

Originally posted by xkingchangox

Now the advice given to you reflects the point of view of women.I do agree that you should compromise to an extent.It seems like your girlfriend is surrendering some of her things of youth and evolving. I belive you should do things she likes here and there how ever do make sure not loose your self for the sake of compromise.Also remember not to go to these places all the time if you really have bad experiences there it will only make you angry and bitter.Yes compromise is a key to good relationship however communication is more important.Perhaps if she totally decides to be into the glam stuff its ok, you might want to suggest that she go with a friend or someone else.Oh by the way never fear magnums of champagne and overpriced vip tables cant hold a candle to a good jar and a 10 hour progressive set under the motorheads,itella-beams and lasers.

i really agree with that last sentence minus the jar and adding a roll! i used to be into the glam scene in atlanta (there was hardly any other alternative unless you wanted to throw darts or shoot pool in a bar) but now that i've found NYC's underground scene, i'll never go back!

[PinkFloyd40]

i don't know you personally, so this is all just board speculation and for all i know the farthest thing from the truth..

but it seems like from the attitude you put forth on the board that your trying so hard not to be one of "them" that your still not being yourself b/c you basing you identity on being the anitithesis of "those people"..

just an observation from posting behavioral trends, and not an attack personally at all bro.. not meant to cause drama in anyway...

[echostar]

F that.....i never go anywhere unless i can where my ufos and a tshirt! well there are special occasions where i need like a suit or something, but going out to have fun is all about the ufo's!

[allmine]

i agree that when in love you do have to comprimise but don't go so far that you loose yourself tryin to make someone else happy!

You GOTTA be comfortable

give the scene a chance and if its not you then

it aint you.

i could be missing something though cause i didn't read the entire post, but i stand by what i said above:)

[mugwump]

Originally posted by PFloyd40

i don't know you personally, so this is all just board speculation and for all i know the farthest thing from the truth..

but it seems like from the attitude you put forth on the board that your trying so hard not to be one of "them" that your still not being yourself b/c you basing you identity on being the anitithesis of "those people"..

just an observation from posting behavioral trends, and not an attack personally at all bro.. not meant to cause drama in anyway...

Nah..

It's all good.

I hear ya and your right!

I have a "rebbel without a cause" attitude with society because I grew up in a very wealthy family..

And I was always picked on for being different!

I'm short, funny looking and I have an artistic nature that never quite fit in with the rest of society..

I was the GOTH in highschool..(always angry and depressed because I never was let "IN" with the POPULAR crowd..)

I read Beatnick literature listened to The Smiths and fell in love with the concept of the "under dog".

Now in NY I fell in love with the club scene..

The night life that throws a blanket of escapism over you with loud music and hard bass..

and I felt (originaly) that this world reflected the "underground"..The misfits..the lost and lonely

THAT which isn't glam..

THAT which includes ALL!

It was as if music had blessed the human race with a shelter that elevated ALL to the same level and gave you hope!

And What I also fell in love with was the concept that REGARDLESS of Who you are..

the music incorporated you..if you loved it enough..

Gay..straight...or any other race or color..

It use to be the greatest EQUALIZER.

ELECTRONICA AND DJ CULTURE GAVE ME A HOME!

It gave me afamily...

It gave me a religion..

And velvet rope society seems to be going "against the grain" of that Utopian beauty...

It sets borders in a world that is meant to mbrace all That "get it".

And it makes me very sad to see that world being destroyed by people who's priorities lie in "what shoes you wear"..

YOU KNOW WHAT?

FUCK the shoes..fuck GLAM!

LISTEN TO THE MUSIC..and dance!

And love all who dance along with you..REGARDLESS

for they are your brothers and sisters of clubland!

It's the most powerfull force on this planet and the highest form of art!

It moves people to create cultures and to celebrate life..

Don't take that away from our society with "clicks"..

Do't subject that untagible beauty to trivial dress codes..

Music is for EVERYONE!

Why should someone be given the power to decide other wise based on your exterior..?

That "other" is something that I fight..

freedom to be WHO YOU ARE is a war I will never give up on..

INDIVIDUALITY is EVERYONE's right!

and music is the celebration of this..

Why limit that world to a selective herd!?

[tastyt]

I agree with you... I think dress to impress is absolute bullshit. Actually it's funny; on another board someone was talking about the Twirl party with Linn Thomas, the playmate/penthouse pet... one guy asked what type of music would be played... and someone else responded "who gives a shit!" This is what it's coming down to!

It's fun to play dress-up sometimes. Sometimes I want to throw on my shimmery pants and four inch platforms; but other times I just want to wear comfy pants and sneakers! It's nice to be able to go either way, but not have to change my choice of venue in the process...

Anyway, comfort yourself in the thought that those of us who know what's what and aren't just in it because we want to keep up on the latest trend will always be around. The others will drop like flies as soon as the newest fad comes around.

But I hope both you and your girl will see it through together to the end!

[mugwump]

Originally posted by tastyt

I agree with you... I think dress to impress is absolute bullshit. Actually it's funny; on another board someone was talking about the Twirl party with Linn Thomas, the playmate/penthouse pet... one guy asked what type of music would be played... and someone else responded "who gives a shit!" This is what it's coming down to!

It's fun to play dress-up sometimes. Sometimes I want to throw on my shimmery pants and four inch platforms; but other times I just want to wear comfy pants and sneakers! It's nice to be able to go either way, but not have to change my choice of venue in the process...

Anyway, comfort yourself in the thought that those of us who know what's what and aren't just in it because we want to keep up on the latest trend will always be around. The others will drop like flies as soon as the newest fad comes around.

But I hope both you and your girl will see it through together to the end!

Thanks hun..

I know you are one of the "real ones"..

All ravers grow up and eventually "look" different..

they get jobs and have obligations to a career..

But the SPIRIT of the music can live on inside those that where infected deep enough by it's majic soo long ago..

when Freaks ruled the dance floor..

In any case I embrace Glam kings and queens as well..

as long as they don't discriminate against Who I am...

but I just can't pretend to be one of them!

(and it's my experience that "Glam" looks down upon the "unglam")

Glam needs a sense of humor and not take life so seriously!

*They know what is what but they don't know what is what..they just STRUT!"

WTF~

[lokey]

nah yo dont change... dump the girl..ur u...and u should never change for anyone;p nah j/k u love the girl so u gotta bend alittle...her style is changin and she's growin up...u can't go baggie for ever ya know... i used to b in ur phase b4 but then i grew up and my style and likes in clothin changed...just like her... but as long as u don't change who u r...dats the most important... so go out there start lookin for 1 pair of nice slacks and a nice button down...u may like it..and then the both of yaz can change ur style in clothes together...but as for the snootie peeps...avoid them...they need a beatin

[Guest jackdiesel]

clothes are a reflection of who you are, but they are not you. a connection with another human being to the extent of calling it love, however you define it, is as real as this world gets in my opinion. thats all i got. Damn I feel like a talk show host or something.