I Don't Trust My Girlfriend

[aboyfrombklyn]

I know that I love her, and I know that I wanna be with her. She says she loves me and that she wants to be with me too. The problem is whenever I'm not with her, it's like she has something to hide. I want to believe what she says to me, I really do, but sometimes I don't. I'm beginning to feel like I'm a little controlling and I don't want that at all. The fact that she lives 120 miles away plays a big part because if she lived closer I think I would feel more secure about the relationship. She has too many friends who get into trouble or always do the wrong things, and I don't want her to be any part of that. She used to have a lot of issues in the past (drugs, alcohol, a really reckless life), but most of it changed since she met me, at least that's what she says to me. She's always telling me how I'm such a good person for her, and I do see that a little. It's just that I feel as if she's not being herself. I think that deep down inside she really wants to go back to her fucked up life sometimes. It's like she's a different person when she's with her friends, like she has a "whatever" attitude. The thing that angers me most is that she has a habit of making news out of our issues to all of her friends. I can't stand that. I don't get it. I told her numerous times that I'm not looking to have a relationship with someone who lives a reckless life. She tells me that I'm always giving her an ultimatum, but I don't look at it that way. If she wants to go ahead and do all this crazy shit, she can, but that doesn't mean I have to deal with it. You can always look at it the other way and say that she's giving me an ultimatum to deal with it. I don't even know if I could explain myself fully. It's just too hard.

I don't know if anyone read my "This Is A Warning To Everyone" post, but I explained how one day I caught her hanging out with her friends getting high. I called her cell phone after not hearing from her all night and what happened next was amazing. Her phone somehow turned on and I could listen to her having a conversation with her friends. What came out her mouth amazed me. Fortunately, when a guy started flirting with her, she mentioned me and said how I was good to her (which is a good sign).

[roxxy0131]

How often do you see each other?

[rocketfuel76]

Originally posted by aboyfrombklyn

I know that I love her, and I know that I wanna be with her. She says she loves me and that she wants to be with me too. The problem is whenever I'm not with her, it's like she has something to hide. I want to believe what she says to me, I really do, but sometimes I don't. I'm beginning to feel like I'm a little controlling and I don't want that at all. The fact that she lives 120 miles away plays a big part because if she lived closer I think I would feel more secure about the relationship. She has too many friends who get into trouble or always do the wrong things, and I don't want her to be any part of that. She used to have a lot of issues in the past (drugs, alcohol, a really reckless life), but most of it changed since she met me, at least that's what she says to me. She's always telling me how I'm such a good person for her, and I do see that a little. It's just that I feel as if she's not being herself. I think that deep down inside she really wants to go back to her fucked up life sometimes. It's like she's a different person when she's with her friends, like she has a "whatever" attitude. The thing that angers me most is that she has a habit of making news out of our issues to all of her friends. I can't stand that. I don't get it. I told her numerous times that I'm not looking to have a relationship with someone who lives a reckless life. She tells me that I'm always giving her an ultimatum, but I don't look at it that way. If she wants to go ahead and do all this crazy shit, she can, but that doesn't mean I have to deal with it. You can always look at it the other way and say that she's giving me an ultimatum to deal with it. I don't even know if I could explain myself fully. It's just too hard.

I don't know if anyone read my "This Is A Warning To Everyone" post, but I explained how one day I caught her hanging out with her friends getting high. I called her cell phone after not hearing from her all night and what happened next was amazing. Her phone somehow turned on and I could listen to her having a conversation with her friends. What came out her mouth amazed me. Fortunately, when a guy started flirting with her, she mentioned me and said how I was good to her (which is a good sign).

Can I ask a question how old are you?? #2 word of advice don't be so controlling your going to chase her away

My ex didn't want me getting high, and used be all in my shit. Eventually it drove me away. If she wants to hang a little and smoke a little weed, its not gonna hurt. The more you push the more shes going to resent you. And unless shes smoking crack, whats the big deal???? And maybe if she is getting high, is that what bothers you the most???? DO you think shes cheating on you???? Maybe you should rethink this whole relationship!!!!! 120 miles is too far to be worrying all the time!!!!

No Trust = No Relationship

[aboyfrombklyn]

Every other week usually. I work at a job that runs 24/7/365, so my days off are Wednesday/Thursday. I'm going to see her today.

[lollib]

Seems like there are a lot of issues that you have to deal with. First off, you said you dont trust her. Personally, I dont see how you can have a relationship with someone you dont trust. Seems like you are driving yourself nuts and you have to ask yourself, is this really worth it? How long have you been together?

Another issue, a big one, is the fact that you dont like her friends. I am not saying that friends of your significant other should determine your relationship but I feel it definitely plays some part in the relationship. At least to me it does. I have so many friends and would never let a boyfriend interfere with my friendship with anyone.

And then you have the issue of her living some distance away. I dont know, so many things to deal with. Seems like she knows how you feel but has anything at all changed for the better?

[aboyfrombklyn]

Originally posted by rocketfuel76

Can I ask a question how old are you?? #2 word of advice don't be so controlling your going to chase her away

My ex didn't want me getting high, and used be all in my shit. Eventually it drove me away. If she wants to hang a little and smoke a little weed, its not gonna hurt. The more you push the more shes going to resent you. And unless shes smoking crack, whats the big deal???? And maybe if she is getting high, is that what bothers you the most???? DO you think shes cheating on you???? Maybe you should rethink this whole relationship!!!!! 120 miles is too far to be worrying all the time!!!!

No Trust = No Relationship

I'm curious, why do you ask how old I am???? Oh, let me think, am I too immature?? I've been through a lot during my 21 years on this planet (I'll be 22 in March) and I have gone through stages some people my age haven't even started yet. It was usually always a "been there, done that" situation when I was with my friends during my teenage years. I started early, I've been through a lot, and I've grown up a lot from going through those different stages. So if your intention was to say that I'm immature, please don't say that when you don't even know me.

And yes, weed does hurt a relationship. If you can't see that, then maybe you need a little growing up to do.

Oh yeah, if you're curious to how old she is, she'll be 24 in March.

[aboyfrombklyn]

When I'm with her, everything is perfect, but it's the total opposite when I'm not.

[rocketfuel76]

wasn't even close to what I was getting at....

but think as you may.....

And word of advice you can't change people......

#1) The only reason I asked how old you were was to encourage you as to saying you have a lot of time ahead of you and that maybe you souldn't place all your eggs in one basket????? I was never going to tell you, you're immature. Shit I know people who are 26 and act like they're 10!!!!

#2) I am 25 and I am not immature and I can assure you that I've seen a hell of alot of fucked up shit!!

You posted you asked, so I answered. And I find your reponse a bit ignorant, for I was only trying to get a feel for the situation, in order to maybe help!!!!!!!!

[aboyfrombklyn]

Originally posted by rocketfuel76

wasn't even close to what I was getting at....

but think as you may.....

And word of advice you can't change people......

#1) The only reason I asked how old you were was to encourage you as to saying you have a lot of time ahead of you and that maybe you souldn't place all your eggs in one basket????? I was never going to tell you, you're immature. Shit I know people who are 26 and act like they're 10!!!!

#2) I am 25 and I am not immature and I can assure you that I've seen a hell of alot of fucked up shit!!

You posted you asked, so I answered. And I find your reponse a bit ignorant, for I was only trying to get a feel for the situation, in order to maybe help!!!!!!!!

You're right. I apologize. I guess it's the frustration coming out. I'm sorry I took it out on you. Thanks for the advice, really!

[rocketfuel76]

Originally posted by aboyfrombklyn

You're right. I apologize. I guess it's the frustration coming out. I'm sorry I took it out on you. Thanks for the advice, really!

; It's All good baby!! Fustration is your worst enemy right now!! Is this worth that?? Ask yourself!!!

[roxxy0131]

From a woman's perspective...lay off, you are going to scare her if you get too controlling. Give her some space even though you may not want to. If you start telling her who she can't hang out with and what you don't want her to do, it may drive her to do the opposite. Her friends have probably been around longer than you, so for you to bash her friends even if in your eyes they are not a good influence, you will only push her away.

Tell her that you are concerned, but don't tell her what to do. She is a big girl and the mistakes she makes are up to her. She will learn. Only she may not be ready to stop what she is doing right now. You can't force her. Only she can make the right choices and if that time is not now and you can't deal, then let her go. Don't make yourself miserable worrying about her when in actuality, you can't do anything about it. For your sake I hope that she turns around, it sounds as though you care a lot for her. Good luck.

[belladiva26]

aboy..........i really think you need to start reevaluating this relationship. your girlie:

1) lives 120 miles away and your posting I DONT TRUST MY GF!!

--- and ----

2) is smoking herb and hanging with people you dont think are good influences on her

why are you going to try to make something work with her if you arent happy with her lifestyle/friends and cant trust her???? you're just fooling yourself and wasting your time. you seem like you have your head on straight....(especially for a 21 year old) and know what you DONT want your gf to be........ so why r u sticking it out????? yes, ultimatum would push her away, but you have to look out for YOURSELF first!!! sorry if it sounds harsh, but i dont like to see people get more hurt than they have to

[sirdante]

i dont want to be a drag, and i would like to be positive if i could. but...

if you keep getting these feelings you are either a jealous jerk or you are probably ready for a change. "I'm beginning to feel like I'm a little controlling and I don't want that at all," is what you said. this indicates that you are not a jealous jerk. therefore, perhaps you should take your feelings as a sign to move on.

listen, my advice is this. move on. basically, be totally honest, give her all the space in the world, and then take care of yourself. i think you would both benefit from the change.

i dont think giving "some" space is right. in my experience with women, your giving/ wanting some space is a signal to her that she is no longer safely in control of the relationship. in order to not feel out of control, she might start another relationship (if she hasnt already, which theres always the possibility that she has).

tell her the long distance thing is driving you crazy (it is). tell her you love her (you do). and tell her you will always be there for her (you will). then go out and get involved with someone or something more comfortable for yourself.

true love can overcome personal suffering and all that. but pls dont keep hurting yourself trying to force a relationship that isnt right, or at least isnt happening at the right time, for both of you.

good luck. remember, if you part friends, before anyone gets hurt, you have a better chance of remaing friends and possibly getting back together when the timing is better.

[barvybe]

hey man, nearly identical situation when i was 22

1.. girl was 24

2. 190 miles apart

3. her friends were all single girls who partied really hard

but, it never once crossed my mind not to trust her. sure, i'd get pissed when she did stupid shit, but i knew our relationship was gold.

having issues with non relationship stuff that she does is cool - no one's perfect and u gotta deal with those.

but if u are questioning trusting u'r relationship u gotta either get out or confront her with how u feel and see what happens.

long distance is tough enough, and u sacrifice a lot to make it work out. too much so to have it be a crappy deal.

good luck!