It is important to look at every situation objectively. Just because you have some connection to a particular group, country, etc. does not mean you will always feel its actions are correct or ethical. To do so would be to render yourself blind and stupid. What you need to understand is that the government, the army, etc. are not the United States. They are part of it, one of many units that form the whole nation. It is both possible and generally positive to feel allegiance towards the United States while at the same time criticizing the government, military, whatever the group may be. What you are having a hard time with is that you are not drawing that distinction, and many Americans have that issue. In Britain, it's far easier because the Queen serves an apolitical figurehead - the crown represents the nation as a whole, and so one may be allegiant to the crown while feeling dissatisfied with the parliament. So think of it as this - the people you are freaking out about are allegiant to the "flag" as it were, just not in agreement with the policies of the present administration. BTW, many thanks to both your grandfathers for doing their parts