trancerxn112

when you guys are dont loving your family remember there are millions of men who are waiting their turn

Theres someone on CP this totally relates to... although shes not "really asian" WHAT KIND OF ASIAN ARE YOU? Young Asians come in many forms. Below are the major categories. Most Asians fit into multiple groups. For example, Rice-boys can also be Fobs and many Tabs are Fobulous. The only groups that are never part of another group are the Twinkies and the Asian-Americans. Claim your Fobbiness! When you see your Asian friend, greet them with "Wassup Fob!" And if your Asian friend says something ridiculous, say "Fob please!" Of course, when a non-Asian calls you a Fob, that is grounds for a fight. Ahahaha... The categories below are to be taken lightheartedly. Read, recognize and laugh. TWINKIE - Besides your nationality, there is little to distinguish you from white people - Your significant other is not Asian and never has been - You have few Asian friends, if any - You are embarrassed at family events because you cannot speak your language and everyone has to switch to English to communicate with you - You have no idea that the other types of Asians on this list even exist - You think Hello Kitty is dumb and do not know what Sanrio is - You are the only Asian on this list that does not know what Bubble Tea is - You drive a Ford or some other domestic car and if you drive a Honda, it is stock. ASIAN-AMERICAN - You claim yourself as Asian, but real Asians think you're whitewashed and non-Asians see you as a foreigner. You fit in nowhere - You have heard of Bubble Tea but have never actually had any - You are confused about your cultural identity and express this frustration through spoken word performances at your college - You read A. magazine and think it's great - You do not know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, or Kangta are - You are only vaguely aware of the other Asians below FOB (FRESH OFF THE BOAT) - You were not born in America - You know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, and Kangta are. In fact, you have seen them at Atlantic City or Las Vegas recently - You speak your native language fluently and so do all your friends - You do not have any non-Asian friends - Your parents do not speak any English - When you speak English, you like to make everything plural - You get extremely good grades in school - You cannot dance - Your fashion sense comes from whatever country you're from and you incorporate nothing from American fashion into your wardrobe SUPER FOB - Your command of the English language is minimal and you don't care - You like dim sum chicken feet - You do not own a single CD, VCD, Video game, or DVD that isn't bootlegged - Your only hangout is Chinatown - All the lights in your house are fluorescent - You dry your cloths outside your window - You need a haircut - You either smell like cigarettes or foodFobabee - You are an Asian-American or Twinkie who has recently "awoken" - You have a newly found fetish of Asian girls/boys - You have taken the Asian Studies course at college - You are trying to learn as much as possible about your culture to make up for your lifetime of trying to be white (Twinkie ; Banana) or Black (Chigger; Thousand year old egg) - If you are lucky, you will grow to become Fobulous GANGSTA FOB - You have shot another Asian - Your favorite hangout is a pool hall - When you talk, you sound like a cross between a Fob and an urban black kid - Your hair looks silly, but no one will tell you because you'll shoot them - You have a serious gambling problem - You are a Rice-boy, but your mods are cheap and are never painted to match the rest of your car - No one tells you your rice ride looks cheap because you'll shoot them - You want to have a Tab girlfriend, but can only get Hoochie Tabs TAB (TRENDY ASIAN BEYATCH) - You shop at A/X, Bebe, Banana Republic and Club Monaco - You only wear black and will occasionally wear white to "mix it up" - You do not weigh more than 105 lbs - You have never paid for dinner at a restaurant in your life - Platform heels are your favorite - You are a makeup expert, in fact, you appear completely flawless - You do not smile in public - You are the object of desire of all Asian men and you know it - You smoke - Your cell phone is completely customized - On the inside flip of your cell phone is a sticker pic of you and your man - Somewhere in your purse is a Sanrio item - You only date Asian and will only date a boy with a nice car - You are often seen with Rice-boys - You never travel alone. You are either in the company of other Tabs or your Rice-boy boyfriend HOOCHIE TAB (TRENDY ASIAN BEYATCH) - You are an import car model - Your boobs are not real - There are naked pictures of you floating around on the internet somewhere - Stiletto heels are your favorite - Your role models are Francine Dee, Kaila Yu and TILA - Your boyfriend is a Gangsta Fob - You cheat on your boyfriend - Unlike most Asians, you do not do well in school RICE BOY - You drive an Asian import. Usually a Honda or Acura - Your souped up car (known as a Rice-ride or Rice-rocket) is unrecognizable from it's original stock form - Your exhaust pipe is big enough for your head to fit in - The spoiler on your car looks like it was made by Boeing - The interior of your car also looks like it was designed by Boeing - You always drive like you are racing someone - You are not afraid of dying in a crash, but you are afraid of speed bumps and parking lot on-ramps - The only other person besides yourself who can sit in your car is your 105 lbs Tab girlfriend. If anyone else sits in your car, the entire bottom of it will be touching the ground - Even though your car is a Honda, it goes faster and is worth more than a Lotus Esprit - If you drive a Civic, your dream car is a Supra. If you drive a Supra or a Skyline GT-R (which you can never have). Poor Rice-boy. FOBULOUS - You speak perfect English and you are fluent in your native language - You have Asian friends as well as non-Asian friends - You listen to Asian pop as well as American music - You are equally aware of both popular American culture and Asian pop culture - You are a good dancer - You date Asian by choice even though you could rock the opposite sex of any other race - You are a good designer and have superior Html skills - You have an Apt107 page AND an AA page and the guest books in both are packed - For you, FOB stands for Fabulous Oriental Being - You have lots of Asian pride

*The First Affair A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted after passionate love making they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m. As the man put on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and gravel. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He then slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying ******! You've been playing golf!". *The Second Affair There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went &n bsp;back to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time darling!" *The Third Affair A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he noticed t! he size of his manhood. "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's private bit. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. Opening his brief case he said: "I have something to show you that you won't believe! " "Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!" *Fourth Affair A woman was in bed with her lover when she h eard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry,!" she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed and went to the kitchen He returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. "I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water." *The Fifth Affair A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One Cent?", exclaimed the man. The bartender replied, "Yes." So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?" "Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money. A whole 4 cents." "Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartend! er replied, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business.!" *The Sixth Affair Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lip began to move slightly. "Becky my darling," he whispered. "Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, " I have something! that I must confess." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky, everything's all right, go to sleep." "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ..... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and even your mother!" "I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you."

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 mins. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual Harassment. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? £3.99 a minute. How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get the remote control. What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme. What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? Marriage. How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and complain. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. What have women and floor tiles got in common? If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard. How do men sort their laundry? “Filthy†and “Filthy but Wearable†What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts. Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? The woman who ate the last donut. What is the difference between a battery and a man? A battery has a positive side. A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in year 10. Who has the biggest breasts? The blonde, because she's 18. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off, you wonder where the breasts went. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told. I married Miss Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his intelligence? Divorced. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90% It is called Wedding Cake. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring Wedding Ring, Suffering. Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower." Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

hehe youre the other 10, i was wondering

Tell her youre not fat, youre fluffy!

You wouldnt happen to be "slappy sue" would you? Skater? Classsssssic!

there ways around it... or ill just give you credit... besides your copyright doesnt stipulate that royalities have to be paid per use.

just playin!!

Hahaha hot track

thats pretty good... i like your Toasts marko... im gonna use em...

From around the world. this time, Italy A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanised when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.... "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' about a sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

hello!!! wtf, sex scene the rock... she was sporting pig tails... "naughty, naughty"

no love

I know this might sound cheesy but before me and my friends knock back shots we always make a toast... something witty usually a quip or a funny proverb that makes sense for the occasion... whats your favorite drinking toasts... May you live for as many years as you want And never want for as many years as you live This is for the girl who offered her honor, may you honor her offer, and spend the rest of the night on her and off her

she looked good in it, who cares !!!

you posed it in the form of a question, as in... Do alternate screen names count? i could be wrong though.

hahaha when no one is home in my house i sun tan naked in my back yard... i just know that my neighbors are feasting their eyes on this body... i have no problem being naked.

Maxim, PC Gamer, and Time

this movie was so fucking gruesome... but it was mad good...!!! worth the 10$

off... its so annoying getting tangled in your sheets when you are wearing clothes... in fact, i do almost everything naked

Daniella, do you read these before you put them up... they are really not funny at all!!!

im mike!

is Rizzo really Quoth?

Khashdi drotchet cock on hotchet, e ya drotcho cock ya hotcho... (a little russian humor) but yea... beauty is in the eye of the beholder.