heretic909

Tsunami, the artist that did some hard breaks that Omar Santana used to mix into his acid break sets back in the day, or is this a different Tsunami thing? Please forgive the ignorance on my part... I'm pretty fuckin wasted right now... I guess it really doesn't matter... I don't have the cash either to go check it out...

I haven't been there in a few months, but I'm just having a hard time of picturing that kind of scenario. The sound system in all three rooms isn't all that great, especially in the back room on the top floor. And the dancefloors really aren't all that big. I'd be surprised if they could fit 800 people in all three rooms combined. I dunno, I'm kinda fuct up right now so I'm just kinda rambling, but maybe they can pull it off. Congrats to them if they can, even though I'm having a hard time of picturing the 2000 people that were dancing to Dieselboy at Roxy fitting into the biggest room at Downtime. I guess we'll see.

yeah, i've been staying away from cp lately, but my tv is broken and i'm pretty fuct up right now, so i guess that leads to endless rambling on the ol' puter since i've got nothing else better to do. ugh... my life is so pointless right now... i don't see how it's possible to live in the most exciting city in this country and still be bored and feeling empty... i really hope this is a medical condition, because i'm seriously starting to wonder if there's anywhere or anything on this planet that will provide me with a sense of enjoyment... god, i hate thinking so much all the time. why can't i just let shit happen as it comes my way? fuck it, i need another drink... escape this mundane reality...

I think that is part of it. As long as I can remember, I've always felt the most comfortable when I was inside the element of emotional pain. I think when I was younger, that I convinced myself that self-torture would create better art, but now I don't know how to release myself from that mindstate. I still feel most content when I'm miserable, but I think there's finally a small part of me trying to break out that wants to be happy... Fuck it... Concentrate on the majority rather than the small fraction that wants to enjoy her. Her fucking mom just called me a few minutes ago which is really starting to piss me off. The only time her or her mom ever call me is when they want something from me. I'm tired of being used for their own personal agendas... for everyone's agendas in this fucking hellhole of a town. Time to put the gameface on and say 'fuck all this shit'. She keeps saying that I'm a fucking rich white boy that should do the right thing, no matter how many times I tell her that the artist's portrait of her when she was pregnant costs more than the mobile home I grew up in. Unfortunately, I have nothing to offer right now, but she sees the color of my skin as an escape out of her twisted life even though I'm currently worse off than her and her family. Do all Puerto Rican girls think like this? Why would she assume that I could offer her a better life even though she treats me like shit and my check for rent this month just bounced. At least she's got her family and a place to stay... I'm the only one from my family that doesn't live on the west coast, and my financial situation is seriously beyond fuct up right now. What the fuck does she want from me? This shit is driving me crazy. We took the paternity test three weeks ago, and every day I'm searching every corner of my mailbox, I guess because I'm trying to see if there's some small letter that contains the results of the test. It's seriously starting to drive me insane, waiting for the answers. As much as I love this little baby, I really hope she's not mine, because if she is, I'll want to take her back out west with me and give her a decent chance at life. And I know if it comes down to that, her mom will fight for her and try to keep her in the projects here in Queens in her mom's apt. I don't want my child to be a project's baby, but her mother seems determined to continue her family's cycle of suffering. It can't just be a "white family" concept like she accused me of. Why wouldn't any parent want to provide a better life for their child than what they had themselves. That's why I'm praying that this precious little girl isn't mine, because I know her mother will never allow that. Most likely she isn't mine, but I still need the evidence in my hand so I can rid myself of these doubts. I'm the only one from my family that lives on this side of the country, and I really don't want to have to try to take legal custody of this girl if she is mine because I don't have the support or resources. The only thing that is allowing me to sleep at night is that the doctors said she was conceived in January when she was still with her ex. But at the same time, this baby was born on my birthday, so every year it's going to be a constant wondering to as how she's doing. I dunno. I really need to quit drinking for tonite because I'm just starting to get stupid and rambling. It's just driving me crazy waiting for the results for this paternity test. Please excuse my typing fingers, because they're just stating the insanity that's in my head right now thru this online bullshit. It just kind of helps getting this shit off of my chest whether you read it or not. Maybe I should find one of those online journal sites or something. Or maybe I should just quit drinking and go to bed...

I've been telling myself, that I don't want her to ever speak to me again unless it's an apology. But then she calls this morning after I had finished DJing and I hadn't slept yet, so I wasn't in my stable mental state. She starts talking, and I completely forget about how she fucking hurt me and I conversed with her in a total relaxed manner. An hour later, I hang up the phone, and I'm not sure if I should kick myself for not remembering that she hurt me and that I don't want anything to do with her, or if I should just be content with the fact that we finally shared a pleasant conversation for the first time in weeks. I'm still mad at her, but for some reason I can't maintain that anger. Turns out I'm happy that her and I could actually talk for once. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but maybe we'll be able to create some kind of non-romantic friendship. I dunno... I'm pissed off one minute, then somehow satisfied the next. The human mind is seriously one of the most devilish creations. I don't think we'll ever truly understand what drives our thoughts or desires. The secret is to filter out the analytical thought and put your faith in your true feelings... Easier said than done...

I had seen this go-go in the club all the time when I was DJing, but she was always in her stage gear. One day I went to her day job and saw what she looked like in mundane life, and my heart just instantly melted. For some reason, she looked so beautiful to me out of the whole nightlife element. And I could tell by the look on her face, that she was nervous that I was seeing her in that kind of plain state, but at the same time, she had this look like she was glad that I got to see the real her. And then her and I hooked up... It was wonderful for awhile, just knowing that her and I fit together so perfectly. But then with all fucking industry bullshit, drama manifests, and shit will never be the same. And now I love her from a distance although I know that we will never be together. Honestly, the shortest relationship I ever had before her was 2 1/2 years, but in the few months that we enjoyed together, I knew that I would always love her despite our differences. But as with everything in life, you never get what you truly want, so it's a constant reminder that the pain from true love is not worth the lifelong grief, so always proceed with caution, because there is no such thing as the perfect companion... There are always outside forces working against your ultimate happiness, and instead of enjoying the time you have together, our instinct is to try to make the relationship perfect rather than recgonizing the differences and accepting the happiness which is there... ugh... As much as I despise her now, I know that she'll always be the one for me just from that first look we shared outside of our nightlife work. I'm single for the first time in ten years, but I don't even have any desire to connect with anybody else. What her and I shared from the first moment was exactly perfect, and although it probably means I'll be alone, I really don't want to try to better that experience with another. Some things are meant to be, and some things are destined for hopelessness. Memories are the only thing that cannot be tainted. Jeezus... if you can't tell by now, I'm pretty fuct up right now and get stoopid talkative when I'm in this state. Actually it's more like just thinking out loud, or in this case, typing out loud. Anyway, if anything I just wrote made any sense... cool... If not, well you know the reason why...

fuck'em bareback. life's too short to worry about the bullshit. enjoy what few pleasures you can find in this failing planet... seriously, i fucked my girl raw for over six years, just pulling out at the end, and luckily never had a problem. but it makes me wonder, since i grew up for 18 years downwind of the Hanford Nuclear Facility in WA state, so I wonder if my shit is sterile anyway from the fuckin radioactive shit or something. Either way, I'll probably die of cancer from that shit, so while I'm alive, I'm gonna enjoy every little pleasure I can get out of life. Nothing like feeling her wetness slide along the veins of your dick. Shit, now this post has got me mad horny. Who lives close to Woodside Queens and wants a booty call?

that looks like what happened to my gut after i moved to the east coast. that's what nyc partying non-stop will do to a person. i'm almost surprised anyone hooks up at all in this city unless you live outside the bouroughs and don't have the stress of this bullshit hellhole and can work out for pure enjoyment. ummm... nevermind... i'm just thinkin about moving outside the city and speaking the stupid shit that's on my mind. when i lived on the west coast, i had no stress at all and worked out constantly because it was fun. now i'm just thinking about the past few years that i've been over here and letting myself go. seriously, i don't know how you people that grew up in nyc maintained a sane life. i dunno, i'm drunk right now, and i'm really hating some of the choices i've made in the past few years including moving to this twisted metropolis and fucking up my life. ugh... whatever

ugh, Downtime? I can't imagine Dieselboy playing a small space like that, plus I heard that their projection screen on the back of the stage hasn't been working lately. Dieselboy rocked at Roxy for I Have A Dream. Why are they gonna try to stick him in a small joint like Downtime?

...how can I make some? As much willpower as I've been trying to maintain, I was DJing for five hours straight last night til 4am. And once you start binging, it's hard to stop until you fall asleep. Well, I still haven't gone to sleep since I got done spinning at Opaline last nite, and so my willpower is fairly forgotten. So being that I've been awake for over 24 hours now and I'm still wide awake, does anyone have any "legal" suggestions on how I can make some quick cash to cover my escapades over the past 24 hours?

Thanks guys. I wonder if I can get the tv repaired and then show my landlord the receipt and have it deducted from rent or not? I also read the thing about the intercoms on that link you posted. Now I understand why she hasn't bothered repairing mine in the last five months. There's only five units in this bldg and that site said "if there are eight or more apts in the bldg" NYC landlords are the scum of this failing planet

It's only three floors with five units plus a bodega downstairs. I'm mainly wondering if I can withhold a couple hundred from rent next month so I can get a new tv since this one is busted now as a result of the leak that she said she was going to have fixed over a month ago.

I live on the top floor of my bldg, and over a month ago my ceiling started leaking during the rain. I told my landlord and she still hasn't sent anyone to repair it. Then today after the snow it started leaking in the same place again. And when the water was dripping down, the splash from the drops shorted out my tv while I was out, and so my tv doesn't work anymore, plus there's parts of the ceiling hanging down now. Legally, am I justified in withholding a portion of my rent to cover the cost of the tv? And I've been complaining to her about not having a working intercom for the last five months, and she still hasn't had that fixed yet either. Being that I've lived in this apt for over three years and have never been late with my rent, I was wondering what my rights were or if there's a site I can find out for myself. I'm not on a lease right now since it was only a one year lease when I moved in, so I don't know if that would have anything to do with it or not either. So yeah, any advice would be appreciated... and come to FunHouse at Shelter tonite! I'll be spinning rotating sets on the second and third floor. (cheap plug)

here's a pic from one of my gigs last month

If I do get tired of it, the tongue heals faster than most parts of the body, and from the research I've done, I'd be able to have an oral surgeon re-open the cut and stitch it back together so it'd be normal again with a slight scar. And yeah, the sexual bonuses crossed my mind quite often, too.

This guy I recently met wants to start managing my DJ shit, and he booked me to play this party that's being done at Pseudo. I think it's called the Pseudo Lounge or something? I dunno, I've never been there. But for the first half of the party, there are gonna be two scene DJs from the goth/industrial clubs having a DJ battle which I really don't understand because they hardly even mix their shit. And then the rest of the night is up to me, and they said I could play whatever I want to keep the crowd going. So with that in mind, this party is on a Saturday at this Pseudo place, and since they're leaving the music-stlye choices up to me, I was wondering what you guys would like to hear if you even decided on showing up for a party like this. It's only a one-time event, but I've played now under 8 different aliases and different styles, so I was wondering what kinda music you think people would appreciate dancing to more, since this is NYC, and people tend to be fairly picky about what kinda stuff they prefer to listen to from what I've noticed. Ok, so here are most of the styles of beatz I could provide. Lemme know what genres would interest you the most... Techno Schranz-stlye techno UK Hard House NU-NRG/nrg-trance Techno-Industrial EBM Latin House Tribal House Baltimore Breaks/Ghetto House Hardstyle Rotterdam/Hardcore Full Blown Gabba/Hardcore Chemical/Acid Breaks Would any style listed keep a crowd going at this particular joint, or would a blend of some of these styles be better? Since I've never been to this place, I'm just trying to get some feedback before I go there to drop some beatz, and everyone is expecting to dance to some Jersey vocals or some other bullshit that I don't play. So give me some input people. Thanks.

So yeah, is anyone awake and even trying to make sense of this bullshit I'm typing? All of my friends are asleep, but I'm really talkative right now, and so I'm trying to compensate by typing completely random bullshit on various messageboards, and trying to pretend that I'm actually in my right mind and that anyone cares about what I'm saying... That being said, here's something I've been thinking about for sometime... What do you think about me splitting the tip of my tongue so that it has a forked tongue appearance almost like a reptile. I was born in the year of the dragon, and I've really been identifying with that zodiac and its description of my life more that that lame Libra bullshit. I even got a pillow for Xmas that my aunt stitched herself, and she sewed this design of a Chinese dragon on one side of the pillow not even knowing that I was born in the year of the dragon. So yeah, anyway... I've been thinking about splitting the tip of my tongue to give it a reptile appearance, and plus, people aren't going to know I have it as if I had some tattoos or piercings on me. They wouldn't realize that I had done this body-mod unless I actually chose to show them, and within 2 months after the procedure, they say that you're speech patterns return to normal after you've gotten used to the difference and no one will recognize that you're tongue is actually modified. And I've been getting a lot more clients in my studio lately, so I'm thinking that when I save up enough money that I want to get some yellow crackled contacts that also have a sort of reptile appearance. Of course my eyes will be noticeable to people right away, but I'd probably only wear them for photo shoots and when I went out at night. So what do you think (if you've even bothered to read any of this mindless bullshit)? Should I save up to buy some reptile-style contacts and actually split my tongue to give it a forked appearance? It's just that everyone has tats and piercings, and they pretty much bore me know. And other various body-modifications are gaining popularity now also (as hard as that is to believe. where are the parents?). But not a whole lot of people have gone thru the tongue-splicing procedure, so I think that's part of my fascination with it, because it'd be something unique... at least until everyone else started doing it, too, but I don't see a whole lot of people that are willing to take that step... Anyway, I'm done running my mouth. Off to another messageboard to see who else I can try to coax into conversation...

I didn't realize Koreans were recognized for their stink bomb antics in Queens. But if they are, then yes, that was a racist comment by the school, and if I could, I might actually give two shits about this situation. But seeing as how I can't force myself to care, I think I'll now focus my attention on seeking a new apt in a new borough now knowing that I am sharing the same county with you. LOL Sorry, I just needed to type some stoopid shit to amuse myself because I'm drunk and most of the people I know are asleep right now. Don't take this seriously since I have no idea about who the fuck you are or why you're playing with stink bombs. If it's any consolation, I'm the only white person in my neighborhood that speaks English as a first language, so I understand your pain. HAHA No I don't. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about. I just remember something about stink bombs and Asians whatever the hell that means. But it reminds me of the ultimate stink prank that some kid did in my high school fuckin 10 years ago. He shit into a cup and left it inside someones locker. After a couple hours, you couldn't even walk down that end of the hallway without gagging, and they couldn't find the source of the stench until the kid had to go to his locker and found the shit. But yeah, anyway... what the fuck was I talkin about? ummm... what the fuck is this post about?... damn I need to drink some coffee...

Yesterday this DJ was over here and we were working on his remix all day while drinkin 40ozs of OE. I finished my fifth one around 10pm by the time he finally went home. And then today, I didn't even have a chance to eat anything after I woke up because these Brooklyn MCs came over to record some tracks for their demo, and again, I was drinkin 40s of OE with the peeps in my studio. Now it's 2am, I still haven't eaten anything all day, and I'm pretty messed up to the point where I don't even realize that I'm drunk and consider this a normal vibe. I hope I can get some food in my gut tomorrow when I wake up, because these rappers are coming over again tomorrow to work some more on their tracks. Maybe I should change my business cards to read DJ/producer/alcoholic. Thankfully I can still be fairly productive when working on music while my mind is crossing the edges of what's reality. Anyway, I'm fuct up and rambling. Have a nice night...

spinnin at shelter

Bush has never been my fav, but listening to that list of weapons and how Iraq hasn't provided any evidence of their destruction was an eye-opener. The only use of those weapons of mass destruction is to kill millions at a time, and with their close ties to terrorists, we should be taking action now. Other countries want us to wait, but like he said, the terrorists aren't going to give us any warning before they attack, so those weapons should be destroyed as soon as possible. I also liked that he brought up the hydrogen-fueled engines, not just for the cleaner air, but also so we don't have to rely on these foreign energy sources. Here's an article I found: http://www.jsonline.com/wheels/peak/0318auto.asp I wasn't too impressed with the first half of the speech or his improvements for the economy, though. I'll believe when I see it.

happy hardcore birthday oh shit... did i just say happy hardcore? yo, i'm spinnin gabba up in harlem tonite. come up and i'll buy ya a b-day beer

oh yeah, we're back to 18+ fridays again like we used to be i think quoth was bitchin about that the last time the party isn't as fetish-oriented as it used to be either more of an underground dance party every week still plenty of freaks, though

looks like a promo poster for The Goonies 2001

Tonite on the third floor of Club Shelter, you won't hear any: vocals, diva house, shitty remixes, or jersey crap what you will hear: hardstyle, EBM, hard trance, techno, industrial, and Rotterdam hardcore along with some of the coldest anthems to make you stomp your boots on the devil's dancefloor oh yeah, and the first 100 people thru the door get a free copy of the debut issue of the "Asleep by Dawn" mag along with a free compilation cd plus, this is the first ever label party in the States for Black Rain and NoiTekk Records from Germany featuring dozens of cd giveaways including autographed copies of Fiendflug cds tonite besides that, this is the first year anniversary of our FunHouse party, and at the new location of Shelter with a Phazon system to make sure these beatz are drilled into your skull DJ Mecca til midnite playing your requests after that, Rexx Arkana (RazorBurn Records) & Dräcos (Subsurface Records) spinning alternating sets check it out http://funhouseparty.com