Friends don't let friends take home ugly men. -- Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" It's "Hi, how are you?" -- Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit. -- Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, N. Carolina A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. -- Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas Express Lane: Five beers or less. -- Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's You're too good for him. -- Sign over mirror Women's room, Ed Debevics No wonder you always go home alone. -- Sign over mirror in Men's room, Ed Debevic's The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. -- Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL If you voted for Bush in the last election, you can't take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington. -- Men's room Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Washington Beauty is only a light switch away. -- Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. -- Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C. Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. -- Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands. -- Men's restroom, Lynagh's