Relationship Dilema?

[koky]

Originally posted by smokesum

the issue here is trust...

your new bf doesn't have any...

relationships dont work without trust..

even though you should have prevented your ex from sleeping there..so a lil bit is your fault

who the fuck are you and where the hell is SMOKESUM ?

[Felix_Leiter]

Originally posted by koky

who the fuck are you and where the hell is SMOKESUM ?

i am and always will be SmokeSum....

[koky]

AND JENNY EVEN THO I DO AGREE WITH WHAT SMOKESUM SAID ... IT IS KINDA WIERD TO ANYONE WHO ISNT THERE .. I MEAN .. WHAT WAS HE DOING THAT HE FELL ASLEEP IN THE 1ST PLACE ? EVEN IF YOU ARE THE MOST CONFIDENT PERSON IN THE WORLD , YOU WILL THINK ABOUT THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN .. WHAT THE HELL WAS HE DUING THERE FOR SO LONG THAT HE FELL ASLEEP ? YA KNOW? I THINK HES WRONG IN WANTING TO END THE RELATIONSHIP FOR THAT BULLSHIT I AGREE WITH THAT ... BUT YOU COULDNT BLAME HIM FOR HAVING THOUGHTS.. JMHO

[sotuchick]

Originally posted by koky

I THINK HES WRONG IN WANTING TO END THE RELATIONSHIP FOR THAT BULLSHIT I AGREE WITH THAT ... BUT YOU COULDNT BLAME HIM FOR HAVING THOUGHTS.. JMHO

VERY TRUE...

THERE MUST BE A STRONGER REASON BEHIND YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND'S ATTITUDE. I THINK YOU SHOULD TALK TO HIM AND LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAYS.

HIS ATTITUDE MIGHT BE THE CAUSE OF PREVIOUS (PAINFUL) EXPERIENCES. MAYBE HE HAS TROUBLE TRUSTING PEOPLE.

JUST REMIND HIM THAT YOU WERE WITH YOU EX BOYFRIEND FOR 7 YEARS AND YOU CAN'T SIMPLY ERASE HIM FROM YOUR LIFE.

[blondboheme]

hey, i'm coming in late on this one too!

about the current boyfriend-

i was living with my ex for 2.5 years, and one of the biggest reasons we broke up was because i needed to figure out who i was apart from him. my identity and his had gotten tangled up into "our identity", and i lost track of a lot of old friends in the meantime. i wasn't doing art or writing because i felt like i had someone i had to keep entertained. i started feeling like i didn't know who i was anymore. the thought of being alone was scary, financially, emotionally, but at the same time it is freeing. now, gotten used to it and actually quite enjoy being single again. i'm living at a great apartment on the beach with my dog, life is good and i realize i couldn't have figured out the things i needed to figure out about myself with my ex around.

about the ex-

one time another ex of mine came over drunk because he didn't want to drive an hour home and needed somewhere to crash. so of course i had to let him come over and i told him he could sleep on the couch. he passed out and about an hour later my new boyfriend (now ex) showed up, i explained what happened, he totally trusted me, and we went right past the snoring ex to my bedroom to fuck. it was kind of a turn on, actually. it was like "heh heh you can't have this anymore". the point of my longwinded story is, TRUST. it's the only way a relationship can last.

[gager]

Originally posted by jenny999

Okay I've lived with my bf for 7yrs, for the past year our relationship had fizzled, no romance, barely any conversation just no connection. during the last month of our relationship I met someone else and it started out as friends, once my bf & I broke up the friend turned into a bf.

Now here's the dilema, since my ex & I lived together for so long and shared a residence the break-up wasnt that easy since there were leases/bills/belongings to take care of. I kept the apt and my ex left, but he still had to come back to retrieve items you always forget (little things).

Last night I had to actually meet up with my ex to give him back his car (my new bf knew this meeting eventually had to take place) so he has to come into the apartment to get all the paperwork for the car, he ends up lounging in the living room (which used to be his bedroom when our relationship was on the outs) and falls asleep. Then my new bf calls to see how the meeting went and I tell him how he's knocked out sleeping - of course this doesn't fly and he thinks more things are going on.

Now he says he can't trust me and doesn't want to continue the relationship, but i keep trying to tell him that this was our last meeting since everything was now given back and I couldn't wake him up and kick him out of the house (since i'm trying to have this relationship end friendly).

Am I in the wrong for allowing my ex to come into his old house (btw his name is still on the lease since hes lazy & won't sign papers) to retrieve items. I wasn't planning on him falling asleep.

ps my ex has already moved on also and my current bf is aware of this

I dont think its that big a deal he came over to get his stuff but I would of been a little pissed too if I hear that he was hangin out there and he fell asleep.

If you guys are deffinetly over he should of gotten his stuff and left, it is not his place anymore even if his name is still on the lease. Why would you even let him hang around in the first place and why in the world would you let him fall asleep, wake his ass up he dont live there any more.

You guys were together a long time (7yrs) with a lot history I assume and everyone knows that its very easy to fall into bed with a recent ex. Your new bf may have been thinking this as well. I mean he was "hangin out" and feel asleep?????

You may of handeled the situation wrong but if nothing happen with the ex the new bf should get over it.

[nomembername]

Jenny,

do you mind if I ask how old you are?

[jenny999]

Thanks for all your responses. You all gave me alot to think about, especially about not jumping into things so quickly.

I do understand how describing the situation to my current bf (or anyone else) can be hard to believe, but for me since I know i did nothing to disrespect my current bf, it's frustrating.

I've been talking to him all day and each time we speak he's changing his mind 1st he's mentioning how he's going out tonite with friends (like trying to suggest things will happen), and then in the next phone call he's talking sweet and asking to see me as soon as possible. I'm trying to assure him how much i care for him and would never do such a thing, but he has this tendency to dwell on topics and exaggerting what could've happened - basically torturing himself

Well I guess Ill really gadge his emotions when i see him in person and some hours have passed hopefully he will cool down.

Thanks again - its weird how this site can be so helpful whereas a friends opinion is always skewed

[jenny999]

Originally posted by nomembername

Jenny,

do you mind if I ask how old you are?

Oh my age, i'm almost ancient: 29 I know this whole situation seems very high schoolish - & trust me i don't want to be wrapped up in situations like this

[phunkingroovin]

Jenny....

you're a dirty little whore. You know you fucked him.

whores suck.

[kahn]

Originally posted by jenny999

its weird how this site can be so helpful whereas a friends opinion is always skewed

that is kind of weird.........

[phatman]

...you're biggest mistake was not allowing him to sleep but jumping from one relationship to another...with regards to the incident:

*jenny walks over to ex on couch*

*jenny shakes ex and wakes him up*

*jenny says, "Sorry, but ya gotta go*

...a simple rule to follow with trust in certain situations (alone) - would you be able to do what you're doing if your significant other were in the room?...

...last point is, your current is immature and perhaps knew shit would be mixed coming in since he slid through the backdoor...he either needs to step up or walk away....the latter is what should happens...sounds like you both need time off..

[oldschool2]

Like everyone else is saying your new guy might have some trust issues. But lets call a spade a spade your X BOYFRIEND slept @ your apt. It's not like you called him up and said oh by the way i saw my x at a bar or club and he bought me a drink and we BS for a little while. I think u should be patient with him, you would be pretty pissed yourself if the tables were turned. But don't let him take the joke to far no what i mean. Good luck

[koky]

Originally posted by oldschool2

Like everyone else is saying your new guy might have some trust issues. But lets call a spade a spade your X BOYFRIEND slept @ your apt. It's not like you called him up and said oh by the way i saw my x at a bar or club and he bought me a drink and we BS for a little while. I think u should be patient with him, you would be pretty pissed yourself if the tables were turned. But don't let him take the joke to far no what i mean. Good luck

:aright:

[tastey]

Originally posted by gmccookny

I have a lil issue myself. My girl went away for a month, and she just told me last night that this guy she was on the trip with gave her a quick kiss in the bar.

Obviously that pissed me off, but she told me that he surprised her and she didn't ask him to kiss her.

It sucks, and im still upset, but what can i do

my guess is that she told you to judge your reaction. there was probably much more going on. for an example of this even right on this board... remember that hilarious post from ladyshady where she kissed several guys and fucked with one on her vacation? she also only told her boyfriend that she "kissed" only one guy. she confessed partly to relieve her bad concience.

i have a solution for you though. sit down with her when you two are alone and after a bottle of wine tell her: "i feel there is something going on inside of you. tell you what, everything you say now in this room, i will forgive you for it. just tell me now and i will forgive you here".

probably she´ll spill the beans then and there. you don´t have to keep your promise and can dump here then if you can´t live with what she tells you. if she says there is really nothing going on, ask one more time that you´ll forgive her everything she says now. if she still insists it´s nothing, there was probably nothing.

if there was something, it´s eating her apart from the inside right now... and then that possibility of getting that stone off of her heart home free (you forgive her everything) is just too tempting not to take it.

[tastey]

and to the original poster... are you sure he only slept on the couch? sure there was no little accident? like he slipped and his dick just slid into you?

i wouldn´t buy your story, that´s for sure... women can´t be trusted... i had too many things going on with girls that had boyfriends for this belief to still be intact...

[jemgirl81]

Ok well your current bf really has no reason to be upset, he should trust you. But I do come to one part that has been skipped over.

When you and your ex were still together you met your current bf. Well even though ya'll didn't get togethre until after you and your ex broke up, ya'll prolly had flirted and such. So he might be looking back on that, and having some mistrust in you.

Like the saying goes if they cheated while with their ex what makes you think they would stay faithful to you? once a cheater always a cheater.

I'm not saying you cheated. Not at all, but do you get what I'm sayin?

Ok yeah you need alone time, your current bf is not trustin you and that's just not right. You have to have trust in a relationship.

And as for your ex sleepin over, who cares, ya'll are tryin to be friends right? well then, he's a friend, plain and simple.

But emotions always make things more difficult, so I say good luck on whatever you decide. ciao bella