JadeEyes Posted July 15 Report Share Posted July 15 So I'm 4 1/2 months broken up with my ex, which I think I have mentioned on here before. I was w/ him for 2 years and it was the hardest soul depleting relationship ever. I loved him w/ all my heart, I nurtured him, and I gave my all; however, he didn't do the same. I never doubted he loved me, I just knew he didn't know how to love in the right way, and that he'd never change his manner of being-he was who he was.I recently saw him last week and I didn't think anything of it. I felt like that was the opportunity for final closure. We saw one another and could say anything we felt, or ever wanted to say face to face and not over the phone. I was yet dissapointed by him again. He's changed within four months into this whole new person. His lifestyle, his personality, etc. It's like he's trying so hard to put up a front of someone who he isn't and will never be. He's been fucking every living girl that walks(I don't know this for sure-but I don't doubt it), and he talks this game to them like he knows how to treat girls and he's this great guy, but in reality I know different.Basically this is fukin really bothering me. He calls me out of knowwhere sometimes and I ask "Why do you call me?", he responds because I miss you sometimes and need to hear your voice. I know he can't live w/o me in his life, he never really could, but now it's like he has his cake and he's eating it too. He has his life, which I would never approve of if I was his gf still, and he has me there to hear my voice-like it's inspiration for him(he's a very depressed person).I dunno what to do. He makes me so sad, he's hurt me so much, him telling me he loves me,will never find anyone like me, he doesn't want to marry anyone but me... I tell him to leave me alone, that speaking to him is to hard, I'm a bitch, I'm nice, I try everything. He doesn't understand.I needed to vent and I need advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deepspell Posted July 15 Report Share Posted July 15 same thing is happening to me hun...ex calls constantly and wants to get back with me. she hurt me so bad. she feels terrible now and regrets everything. doesnt wanna loose me. whatevergirl.....just DONT PICK UP THE PHONE, RESPOND TO EMAILS ECT.move on with your life....if they make u miserable.....its not worth it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaydup Posted July 15 Report Share Posted July 15 Summarize please Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
druwishprincez Posted July 15 Report Share Posted July 15 So I'm 4 1/2 months broken up with my ex, which I think I have mentioned on here before. I was w/ him for 2 years and it was the hardest soul depleting relationship ever. I loved him w/ all my heart, I nurtured him, and I gave my all; however, he didn't do the same. I never doubted he loved me, I just knew he didn't know how to love in the right way, and that he'd never change his manner of being-he was who he was.I recently saw him last week and I didn't think anything of it. I felt like that was the opportunity for final closure. We saw one another and could say anything we felt, or ever wanted to say face to face and not over the phone. I was yet dissapointed by him again. He's changed within four months into this whole new person. His lifestyle, his personality, etc. It's like he's trying so hard to put up a front of someone who he isn't and will never be. He's been fucking every living girl that walks(I don't know this for sure-but I don't doubt it), and he talks this game to them like he knows how to treat girls and he's this great guy, but in reality I know different.Basically this is fukin really bothering me. He calls me out of knowwhere sometimes and I ask "Why do you call me?", he responds because I miss you sometimes and need to hear your voice. I know he can't live w/o me in his life, he never really could, but now it's like he has his cake and he's eating it too. He has his life, which I would never approve of if I was his gf still, and he has me there to hear my voice-like it's inspiration for him(he's a very depressed person).I dunno what to do. He makes me so sad, he's hurt me so much, him telling me he loves me,will never find anyone like me, he doesn't want to marry anyone but me... I tell him to leave me alone, that speaking to him is to hard, I'm a bitch, I'm nice, I try everything. He doesn't understand.I needed to vent and I need advice. Oh wow kind of sounds like the thing Im going through with one of my ex's. Its hard, especially cause I have a new bf and weve been dating for awhile now, and he just decided while I was dating this guy that hed try and get back together with me. Ive tried like you being nice, being a bitch, just ignoring him. And nothing seems to work. The thing that Ive tried lately is to tell him exactly what I feel. That I still love him (not "in" love just that love youll always have for someone you cared about) but that Ive moved on with my life and that Ive gotten over him and trying to start over. Now I dont know if thatll work for you but it seems to be the most affective. I knwo its hard but I think when he calls you need to tell him that you cant talk to him and youre sorry hes having a hard time but he needs to move on because thats what youve done. Itll hurt you to at first but if you truly want him to go away or be able to move on with your life I htink that might be helpful. Just my thoughts and opinion. Hopefully you find somehting that helps cause its hard to deal with Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kahn Posted July 15 Report Share Posted July 15 my advice...when he calls, never sound upset........when he calls, always sound happy........when he calls, never ask him questions about what he's been doing.......when he calls, be polite but don't give up to much information about what you've been doing.........he's playing games............just don't play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainpec Posted July 15 Report Share Posted July 15 So I'm 4 1/2 months broken up with my ex, which I think I have mentioned on here before. I was w/ him for 2 years and it was the hardest soul depleting relationship ever. I loved him w/ all my heart, I nurtured him, and I gave my all; however, he didn't do the same. I never doubted he loved me, I just knew he didn't know how to love in the right way, and that he'd never change his manner of being-he was who he was.That's utter bullshit. I was in a long term relationship and didn't appreciate my ex the way I should have... needless to say, I broke down to her one day (when I came to my realization) and told her that I wasn't the man I could be and I wanted to change for her. The irony is that we broke up and when we were trying to works things out (and I did in fact do a 180 to my life/personality in two months), she told me your line... "I'd never change my manners/being who I originally was..."Unless you give that person a second chance and see for yourself, you can't run around saying that a person will never change... I am proof that someone can change if they trully love the person.I recently saw him last week and I didn't think anything of it. I felt like that was the opportunity for final closure. We saw one another and could say anything we felt, or ever wanted to say face to face and not over the phone. I was yet dissapointed by him again. He's changed within four months into this whole new person. His lifestyle, his personality, etc. It's like he's trying so hard to put up a front of someone who he isn't and will never be. He's been fucking every living girl that walks(I don't know this for sure-but I don't doubt it), and he talks this game to them like he knows how to treat girls and he's this great guy, but in reality I know different.My synopsis - you trully love this guy and think he might have changed, but are too timid to give him a second chance for fear of being hurt again. Fear is a totally acceptable emotion, but how do you know if things would work out if you didn't give it a chance? Obviously you still love this guy with all your heart or otherwise, you wouldn't be looking for false "closure." After a year and a half my ex kicked herself in the ass when she found out how much I had changed (for instance, never liked dancing and she happened to be at the same club as me... needless to say, her new bf had two left feet...Basically this is fukin really bothering me. He calls me out of knowwhere sometimes and I ask "Why do you call me?", he responds because I miss you sometimes and need to hear your voice. I know he can't live w/o me in his life, he never really could, but now it's like he has his cake and he's eating it too. He has his life, which I would never approve of if I was his gf still, and he has me there to hear my voice-like it's inspiration for him(he's a very depressed person).What's the real problem with him? If you have solid proof that he is in fact a player, then kick him to the curb and tell him to fuck off... otherwise, don't assume... you know what happens when you "ass u me"...I dunno what to do. He makes me so sad, he's hurt me so much, him telling me he loves me,will never find anyone like me, he doesn't want to marry anyone but me... I tell him to leave me alone, that speaking to him is to hard, I'm a bitch, I'm nice, I try everything. He doesn't understand.I needed to vent and I need advice. You sound very confused... my best advice would be to end all contact or call receipts for two weeks and then see how you feel about the situation. Don't think about the situation or it will eat you up... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tc55 Posted July 15 Report Share Posted July 15 If he tells you he loves you and that he can't think of marrying anyone else but you and continues to see other girls and comes after you on his free time. HE IS PLAYING YOU. He might still care about you and may still have feelings for you. Walk the other way.........just stop calling and giving in. I am not saying that is what is going to bring him back but it will prob make you feel a lot better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naughtybabe Posted July 15 Report Share Posted July 15 my advice...when he calls, never sound upset........when he calls, always sound happy........when he calls, never ask him questions about what he's been doing.......when he calls, be polite but don't give up to much information about what you've been doing.........he's playing games............just don't play.I agree.. If you cant stop talking to him because you care, at least be smart about it - dont show him your feelings, you must have the upper hand at all times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeEyes Posted July 15 Author Report Share Posted July 15 druwishprincez: I tell him all the time that I love him, but I'm not in love with him the way I used to be. Doesn't seem to work, he kind of just responds with "Yea I feel the same way..." He gives me mixed signals... I'm getting so sick of it.kahn: I've heard it a million times, and I'm trying to practice it when I speak to him. If I feel myself coming to a point where I'm getting upset, jealous, sad, etc. I usually say goodbye and get off the phone. When he senses my happiness or I don't share much of myself with him, he gets angry and starts to tell me how he doesn't trust me-I'm hiding things from him-blah blah...captainpec:1st- My ex bf came from a broken home-he was physically abused as a child by his father, had a verbally abusive mother, and basically no love. When we dated and he told me he loved me, he told me I was the only one who ever loved him, and that if he knows the feeling and meaning of love it's 'cause of me. Doesn't mean anything! My mom told me how can one be a good bf or husband when they have had no role model?(Not to say that goes for every man in similar situations) Throughout our whole relationship we were very up and down. He'd be good one month, a dick for the next two, and when he'd realize how tired I was of it, and how I'd slowly back off or not deal with it, he'd come around and say how he was going to change and try hard at it, yadda yadda... He'd make a huge difference for about a month or so, and then it was back to the same ol' person he was. It never lasted and I have a feeling it never will. He's not willing to change, maybe he doesn't want to, can't, or maybe not for me. I gave him two years of many chances and that is why we are currently not togethor.2nd- I love him with everything I have within me, but it doesn't mean that I like who he is. I think he's a good person, but as a bf he just doesn't cut it. He's hurt me so much. Throughout our 4 1/2 months broken up, he's made numerous attempts at making me extremely jealous, hurting me by going through my friends and family, threats, etc. Everyday I think to myself "He gave up on me... but yet he states he loves me so much." I hope that one day he'll seriously grow up, realize, change, and love me the way it's meant to be. As the days go by, I doubt that and lose hope more and more.3rd- Good for you that you did what you did for youself and your ex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainpec Posted July 15 Report Share Posted July 15 3rd- Good for you that you did what you did for youself and your ex. Correction I did it for myself technically since I am not with her... but I am glad that the breakup happened since I am a 100% better person and have grown a lot from the experience.I read your last post and I am sorry things where the way they are. My real suggestion right now is to block him from your instant messenger, don't answer the phone calls and ignore his threats. It pisses me off when guys have to stoop so low as to intimidate a girl to get them to go back out with them. Just waiting for something like that to happen when my nieces start dating - if I hear something like that - the guy won't have teeth from that point forward. It appears as though your ex is a cancer and you need to end all contact and stop trying to look for closure. I suggest getting rid of all the momentos you saved from your relationship including photos of just the two of you... it helps a ton, believe.Hope you feel better shortly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondboheme Posted July 15 Report Share Posted July 15 don't have the energy to read through all the advice novels on this page, but i will say what he is doing to u is unhealthy and emotionally abusive. you have to cut him off, tell him to leave you alone, that gives you BOTH the chance to move on. you are obviously affected when you hear him and it won't get any easier, and it is not healthy for you to let him get to you like that. you broke up for a reason. you obviously feel you can't be with him. sounds similar to a relationship i had where what it came down to is love is not enough. you can love someone and still not be able to stay with them or even let them be a part of your life if it is detrimental to your personal progress. sounds like you're both going through a hard post-breakup time, and the best thing to do is to give each other the space to move on.and if you are worried about what might happen to him if you cut him off, i know exaxtly how that is too, but the fact is, you are NOT responsible for him or his happiness or his getting his shit together. you are only responsible for you. so take care of yourself and cut out the source of negativity. JadeEyes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeEyes Posted July 15 Author Report Share Posted July 15 don't have the energy to read through all the advice novels on this page, but i will say what he is doing to u is unhealthy and emotionally abusive. you have to cut him off, tell him to leave you alone, that gives you BOTH the chance to move on. you are obviously affected when you hear him and it won't get any easier, and it is not healthy for you to let him get to you like that. you broke up for a reason. you obviously feel you can't be with him. sounds similar to a relationship i had where what it came down to is love is not enough. you can love someone and still not be able to stay with them or even let them be a part of your life if it is detrimental to your personal progress. sounds like you're both going through a hard post-breakup time, and the best thing to do is to give each other the space to move on.and if you are worried about what might happen to him if you cut him off, i know exaxtly how that is too, but the fact is, you are NOT responsible for him or his happiness or his getting his shit together. you are only responsible for you. so take care of yourself and cut out the source of negativity.I really appreciated that response. Thank you! It's something I've been told many times before, I just have to carry it out in full effect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondboheme Posted July 15 Report Share Posted July 15 I really appreciated that response. Thank you! It's something I've been told many times before, I just have to carry it out in full effect.good luck, it ain't easy but i think in time you'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coachjames Posted July 16 Report Share Posted July 16 Once again I'm going to have to agree with the ever-wise Ms Boheme, but I'm going to say it a bit harsher. Tell him to FUCK OFF! Take it from a guy, he is fucking with you. He is just stringing you along for whatever reason. Doesn't matter, get RID of him and move on. Get him totally out of your life. It is the *only* thing that will be good for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeEyes Posted July 16 Author Report Share Posted July 16 So here goes:Last night he calls and starts asking me a bunch of questions about who i'm dating or what I'm doing. And, then when I answer he acuses me of being a liar... Blah Blah-we start to argue and I was getting furious. I came out, I said listen "This is done, we are over, and I'm gunna say the last few things I need to say to you now." I said what I had to say and then I said "Please i'm asking you to never call, im me, or try to contact me ever again." He said "okay", and then stops and says "Wait! Are you sure this is really what you want?" I said "Yes more than anything. I wish you the best. Bye!" He said "FINE!" and hung up on me.Today he calls me(like that wasn't expected) and I didn't pick up.No more of this shit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deepspell Posted July 16 Report Share Posted July 16 So here goes:Last night he calls and starts asking me a bunch of questions about who i'm dating or what I'm doing. And, then when I answer he acuses me of being a liar... Blah Blah-we start to argue and I was getting furious. I came out, I said listen "This is done, we are over, and I'm gunna say the last few things I need to say to you now." I said what I had to say and then I said "Please i'm asking you to never call, im me, or try to contact me ever again." He said "okay", and then stops and says "Wait! Are you sure this is really what you want?" I said "Yes more than anything. I wish you the best. Bye!" He said "FINE!" and hung up on me.Today he calls me(like that wasn't expected) and I didn't pick up.No more of this shit! good for you hun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeEyes Posted July 16 Author Report Share Posted July 16 good for you hun!Grassy Ass! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondboheme Posted July 16 Report Share Posted July 16 So here goes:Last night he calls and starts asking me a bunch of questions about who i'm dating or what I'm doing. And, then when I answer he acuses me of being a liar... Blah Blah-we start to argue and I was getting furious. I came out, I said listen "This is done, we are over, and I'm gunna say the last few things I need to say to you now." I said what I had to say and then I said "Please i'm asking you to never call, im me, or try to contact me ever again." He said "okay", and then stops and says "Wait! Are you sure this is really what you want?" I said "Yes more than anything. I wish you the best. Bye!" He said "FINE!" and hung up on me.Today he calls me(like that wasn't expected) and I didn't pick up.No more of this shit! good girrrlllll!!!!! hope it sticks!!!! btw, love yer avatar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeEyes Posted July 16 Author Report Share Posted July 16 good girrrlllll!!!!! hope it sticks!!!! btw, love yer avatar Thanxxxxx! It's sexyyy... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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