opala Posted January 25 Report Share Posted January 25 Question to all the ladies...How long was it before you were able to orgasm for the first time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmb1975 Posted January 25 Report Share Posted January 25 about 22 years------------------i know what i want, but it took me a long time to figure it out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aljedynak Posted January 25 Report Share Posted January 25 About 6 months. It's all about discovering your own body and being truly comfortable with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreamtemple Posted January 25 Report Share Posted January 25 Here's one that's close to my heart.I haven't yet, it really doesn't fuss me but all the blokes I've been with think it's a bad reflection on them.I've tried to explain that I'm having great fun. It's just that they're not doing exactly whatever it is I want. Still, I'm having fun with all this experimenting melarkey!So boys: If the girl isn't orgasming it's not the end of the world. And a personal note for the blokes I've been with: when I say I like sometihng and it feels good....... DO NOT do it harder unless I ask. It' doesn't get me more excited.... it bloody hurts.Oh....... and also, when I say "no" it means "no". Not "I'm saying no but I'd really like you to jump on me anyway and try it on". If I wanted that I'd say "yes". It's very simple when you think about it! ------------------Stay Twisted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmb1975 Posted January 25 Report Share Posted January 25 Originally posted by dreamtemple:So boys: If the girl isn't orgasming it's not the end of the world. And a personal note for the blokes I've been with: when I say I like sometihng and it feels good....... DO NOT do it harder unless I ask. It' doesn't get me more excited.... it bloody hurts.Oh....... and also, when I say "no" it means "no". Not "I'm saying no but I'd really like you to jump on me anyway and try it on". If I wanted that I'd say "yes". It's very simple when you think about it! HAHAHAHA...LOL!!! Its so true!btw, i used to live near you!!!------------------i know what i want, but it took me a long time to figure it out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrdick Posted January 25 Report Share Posted January 25 I don't mean t be rude but have you gotten yourself off? If you have trouble with your own fingers try a vibrator - from my unederstanding they can often succeed where nothing else can and once you have one Orgasm in any way it becomes easier to have one in others.I agree that as guys we have to be less performance centered and realize thaton some days women just won't cum but are still haing fun. On the other hand I really refuse to believe that thishas to be a regular occurence in 99% of cases.If you don't know how to get yourself off how can you expect a guy too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glowgirl Posted January 26 Report Share Posted January 26 alone or with someone?????????------------------Hi! How ya doing? where ya been, I had thoughts of you all night long. Can't describe what you did, but you got me so!Aolimer: Glowgirl42000Email: Sugar4@earthlink.net Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starcapone Posted January 26 Report Share Posted January 26 i have yet to have an orgasm why.. i'm a virgin! ------------------"twenty-four hours a day and 168 hours a week are yours to use - in whatever way you choose. How will you choose to use your time?" athenalust@hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmb1975 Posted January 26 Report Share Posted January 26 Originally posted by mrdick:I don't mean t be rude but have you gotten yourself off? If you have trouble with your own fingers try a vibrator - from my unederstanding they can often succeed where nothing else can and once you have one Orgasm in any way it becomes easier to have one in others.I agree that as guys we have to be less performance centered and realize thaton some days women just won't cum but are still haing fun. On the other hand I really refuse to believe that thishas to be a regular occurence in 99% of cases.If you don't know how to get yourself off how can you expect a guy too?Agreed dick...read aljedynak's post, she has it right on...as for me, it me 22 years because that is how long it took me to find my own clit!!!------------------i know what i want, but it took me a long time to figure it out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lolly Posted January 26 Report Share Posted January 26 Ok, well I never had trouble "finding myself" but this is my question. Are you saying it's necessary to play with yourself when having sex with a man in order to reach orgasm? First off, the LAST thing I like or want to be doing is playing with myself when I am doing the deed. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with it but I just want to enjoy what is going on. It took me a long time to reach orgasm with someone. WE finally found the right groove and were so in sync with one another. I'd say about 6 months with one person. But I have only had an orgasm with my current partner. We've been together almost a year. All the others were NOTHING.------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opala Posted January 26 Author Report Share Posted January 26 Originally posted by lolly:Ok, well I never had trouble "finding myself" but this is my question. Are you saying it's necessary to play with yourself when having sex with a man in order to reach orgasm? First off, the LAST thing I like or want to be doing is playing with myself when I am doing the deed. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with it but I just want to enjoy what is going on. It took me a long time to reach orgasm with someone. WE finally found the right groove and were so in sync with one another. I'd say about 6 months with one person. But I have only had an orgasm with my current partner. We've been together almost a year. All the others were NOTHING.I've only been with a couple people and I'm finding that it's so difficult! It's so true though, having to be comfortable with your own body. I am finding that each time I get a little closer to reaching it, but I think it's come down to a comfort issue with my body. I've got a great man...it's just taking me a little getting used to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmb1975 Posted January 26 Report Share Posted January 26 Some women have a harder time reach orgasm than others. I don't think its necessary to masterbate during sex if you can orgasm without it. Some people like to do it anyway. My point was the same as was posted before, you should know what pleases you, what feels good to you, i think then it will be easier for you to show your partner what to do...------------------i know what i want, but it took me a long time to figure it out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrdick Posted January 26 Report Share Posted January 26 Opala,You still haen't answered the question as to whether or not you have ever cum on your own?I don't think thatpeople were making the point that every girl needs to play with her clit while fucking to cum. The pointwas that you really should be giving yourself orgasms before you worry about getting them from a partner. Just like you should work on getting them from your partner manually and orally before you try to get them from just fucking which is (for most women - not all) the hardest way to cum at first.Obviously I am just a guy here and no expert. I am just giving my opinion based on having had thisproblem with several women now. Each one had never had an orgasm before I sleptwith them. 2 of the 3 never even had one on their own. It was very daunting so I acuallyresearched the subject and was able to overcome the problem very qucikly each time. The two thathad never orgasmed I got to actually give one to themselves first. And then with all three I ate and fingered them to orgasm seceral times beforever thinking about sex. Iam no master having had little more experience than them. But Idid make them feel comfortable and thatit was all fun and made sure they knew how beautiful I found them. And then I was just persistent. 2 of the girls took over 1 hour of straight cunnilingus to cum. But once hey came once the second was easier and so on and so forth. And then it became easier for them o cum in otherways after that.So keys to tell your guyaremake itrelaxed, light hearted and fun. Take away all pressure. Relax you with a nice bath and massage and maybe a glass of wine or a joint. Then lead with your tongue, communicate lots and be prepared to take a long time. So what, just bring a glass of water down there Anyways, maybe I make no sense but that is how itwas for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lexxxi Posted January 26 Report Share Posted January 26 My first time with someone:Summer of 1992 - it was PORNBy myself:Approx. 14 years ago (I was about 13 years old)Any other questions?!?!?! ------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opala Posted January 27 Author Report Share Posted January 27 Sorry mrdick, Didn't realize you asked me that question. Anyways, I've been able to bring myself to orgasm but it's a different story when someone else is involved. I'm comfortable with my man right now, and he does a great job but it's like a slow build up. Each time he goes down on me I feel like I'm that much closer to coming, but it's difficult getting there. I usually end up feeling like he deserves a little sumthin' sumthin' for all the work he's been doing trying to get me off...I'm determined baby! I'll get there sooner than later. Thanks for all your input! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrdick Posted January 27 Report Share Posted January 27 ah so you are pretty close.Only a suggestion but I think the issue is that you feel he deserves something special. But if I was your man what I would feel that I deserve is the sights and sounds of you sqirming in ecstasy all over my face as your juices floed over my chin leaving me looking like a glazed donut. As I said several times with girls when they had yet to have an orgasm with a partner it took me over an hour of constant eating!! But after that it got quicker each time. Partly because I began to get to know just how to eat her. And partly because she got to know how to cum better.Anyways, yeah, you will have no problem since you can give yourself one. Generally, the only people who will have serious problems cumming have serious issues physically or psychologically and usually that prevents them from cumming period. So if what I have read is right its just around the corner fo r you But I think the issue now is you feel rushed. Giving a girl her first is a huge honor and can't be rushed. The balls in your boyfriends court now. He probably has heard from you just how to eat and finger you but you keep thinkinhg about how long its taking and therefore it takes longer which makes you think more about how long etc... He needs to strap you down and say that tonight is for you. That he is staying down as long as it damn well takes - even hours. And then you can just lie back and enjoy without any worry. I mean so what if he goes a few nights without anything happening to him. Getting you off is payment enough. Besides I'm sure that you will reward him later. ANyways, just my thoughts on this because I've been through this exact scenario 3 times now. Everyone's different but maybe something I learned can help. Have fun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opala Posted January 27 Author Report Share Posted January 27 Thanks for your support mrdick! I've only been with 2 guys and it's slowly coming to my realization how much it pleases them to see their woman get off. I know this sounds naieve of me, but after all those stories you hear about men being selfish about sex...it's a wonder! Now I could have just been fortunate to have giving partners cause I have girlfriends that have mintue men, and I think you are right about it being a big deal for a guy to be able to give a girl her first orgasm. It seems like a big disappointment for the guy if he can't get his woman off. And I hate it when my man thinks that it's his fault cause I can't cum. He always thinks that I'm not satisfied, or that I'm upset. I'm not! I have a good time! (someone else already made this point) The first guy I was with (long story) was just kind of a bed buddy, we were good friends and he was fuckin' hot! but not too much emotion involved. We were seeing each other for about 6 months and when we got together he was like, 'Alright, I am going to make you cum today!' It was like a mission. But it always got to the point where I would start thinking...this isn't fair...and I wanted him to enjoy having sex too! The way I have/had been thinking, I figured that he would conclude that having sex with me was a chore, hard work even! God...you could talk about this for hours. SO we go back to what I had said before about me turning things around and giving him head. The other thing too, is that (I'm sure this has been said too many times...but I'm new!) I can't figure things being very visually appealing down there... Anyways, here's another question. Do you think everyone is cut out for casual sex? I am much more responsive to the person I'm with now because there are so many more feelings involved. I thought maybe I had a really hard time with the first guy because there was no connection there. You figure that's an issue? or do you think that anyone is capable with sleeping with anyone, and that you just need practice to be able to cum? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrdick Posted January 27 Report Share Posted January 27 Nice post Opala,Lots of big questions. I too once viewed getting a woman off as a mission - as racking up points of sorts. But while that is ceratinly the next step up from not caring at all, I found there was a step up from that. Sex is not / should not be a performance based or ego driven endeavour. Wracking up and counting your girl's orgasms should not be like some weird video game (except every now and then for fun ) Somedays, no matter how much you try or how good it feels or how good you are your lady is not gonna cum. No big deal - as long as its not too often. Hell, some days I didn't feel like having sex or couldn't perform and just pleasured her.I meant only that its an honour to get a girl off for the first time. And its only natural that some ego will be involved - taht's kind of a good thing. Bt not too much ego. And you can't make it a mission in the obsessive, self-centerd, ego-driven manifestation of the wold. It has to be a mission in the larger sense. Not a mssion on any given night but rather a relaxed, non-urgent objective. It stll sounds to me that there is too much pressure and self-esteem involved here from both of you. Cumming or not cumming is not a matter of fault - yours or his. Or if it is who cares. I think that once you both get it through your heads and fully undrstand that you guys are going to have lots - tons of sex together - and therefore what are a few hours here or there, you will get this pressure off of both of you. I only meant before that he should really, really make you feel comfortable some night. And part of making you both mentally and physically comfortable is making you understand that while on one hand he is very patient and very determined to get you off - on the other hand part of that patience means that he does not view it as urgent or a test of his skill. To make you feel comfortable - given that he knows you care about him - he needs to let you know that he won't feel like a failure ifyou don't cum that night. And thatthere is no need for him to be pleasured. That will happen many othertimes. Just relax. Relax.The question about cumming and love - well. That's almost impossible. Love and Lust accentuate each other in a virtuous circle of sorts making the other even more intense. So it will be easier to cum if youhave strong feelings more likely. However, one does not, in theory requirethe other - lust and llove that is. And cumming is part of lust. Once you can cum regularly then you should be able to cum easily with any man thatyou are prepared to sleep with whetehr you lovehim or not. However, the question ofcasual sex and who you are prepatred to sleep with remains yours to be answered. Physically, yes we are all capable of casual sex.Emotionaly, morally, and spiritually is an entirely different questin. First off, decide whether you haveanything morally against casual sex. My view isthat unles you have some well developped religious / moral belief system thatrequires rules about sex and who you canhave it with there is no need to writeoff the possibility altogether. No need to make any huge, life-long rules.So if you are morally open to itthen just let your feelings and heart be your guide. Everyone is differnt, anddifferntat different stages of their lives. As well, scenariosare differnt. Many people who willnever have casual sex are probably capable of it in rare circumstances but those circumstances just never materialised. On this one I say just be relaxed and enjoy life asit comes with no setexpectations. Learn about yourself and see how it goes. YOu will make mistakes but even then have an open mind. If you have one or two causal encounters before you are ready or at the wrong time, wrong person, etc... try to learn what it was about those situations that made you uncomfortable rather than just throwing up your arms and saying "I always have to love the person I fuck". That's too general a statement - you probably don't know that yet.As for me I have had very few casual encounters. My own guideline is thatI have to like and connect with the person I am sleeping with - but not love or bein love. That connection can sometimes happen in minutes, hours, days or weeks. Depends. But for me - and this is idealistic and naiveperhaps - each encounter should be a beautiful scene n your life just the way a particular scene is a beautiful part of a tapestry. It should not be sullied by ulterior motives or despeation or escapism. I justtry to make the encounter as beautiful as I can while understandinghat beauty akes many forms - some beauty is very raunch y for instance Enough rambling from me. I am only one fairly inexperienced guy myself. SO Please take what I am saying as just sharing. I know it may come off as me sounding like some expert but believe me I am not. I am learning a lot from what I view as a conversation as well. I wish you a great deal of luck and Iknowyou will soon be fully in the swing of things.MrDickP.S. - if for whatever reason you keep having problems one short-cut is just get a viibrator or two to break the tension. With one of those he is pretty certain to finish you and this will relieve some of the pressure and get you used to coming around him making it easier for his tongue to work next time. Just a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
squeezemay Posted January 28 Report Share Posted January 28 As soon as I met the man I was going to be with for the rest of my life...------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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