Girlfriends and Clubs

[spd1980]

This post might be a little long but I want to find out other people's opinions. Well, me and my girlfriend have been going out for 3 and 1/2 months now. A little less than a month into the relationship we went to Exit together for the first time as a couple. We both rolled and it was her first time. We were there with a few friends chilling on the second floor. I was sitting and everybody was doing their own thing. We met a couple of guys that were giving us light shows and we gave them light shows and vicks and stuff. One of the guys began to give my girl a back massage, I didn't think anything of it because everybody usually does that when you are rolling at a club. I then looked over and noticed his hands rubbing her stomach and inner mid-thighs, but a couple seconds later he went back to her back. I thought it was over so I didn't say anything because I didn't want to cause any trouble. I kind of kept my eye on her the rest of the night. I didn't mention anything to her but I was suspicious and watchful of her the next time we went clubbing. We went the following week, just me and her this time. Near the end of the night we were hanging with some guys and she was talking to a couple of them and got a massage from one of them, I was watching the entire time and nothing happened. Then we met a promoter who gave us his card and told us to call him for a couple of comps. He then started grinding with my girl but again I watched her and nothing happened. We then left a little while later and after that night I was totally watchful of her every time that we went clubbing after that. I still never said anything to her. A few weeks after this we were going to go clubbing with a couple of her girlfriends that I know as well. When we were talking about going out during the week she said to me that she wanted to go off with the two girls at the club so the two girls could hook up because they have never hooked up in a club before. When she said this I finally confronted her and told her how I didn't like her being near other guys and getting physical at all with them. She said "Oh I didn't know that bothered you, I won't do it anymore." After I talked to her it seemed all good the next few times we went clubbing. She stuck by me and we still hung out with other people but she didn't go near other guys. Finally we went out this past friday night with two other girls. While there we again met a group of guys who were giving light shows and vicks and massages. I then looked over a little later and saw her grinding with a total of three different guys over the course of an hour. She was only with each guy for a few minutes and she knew that I saw her but she didn't do anything but dance with them. After the first guy she asked me if I minded and I said no because I know by this point in the relationship she really loves me and I didn't want to cause any trouble because she was only dancing and nothing else. The next day she asked me again if I was okay with her dancing. I said I didn't mind as long as she didn't do anything else with them. I then asked her if the guys tried anything or if she did anything. She said she didn't do anything and that one of the guys tried to hook up with her but she stopped him. In the past she had reassured me that she had never done anything at the club. And after this time she said she wouldn't do anything with anybody. Again I believe her because I can tell that she really loves me now. Out of curiousity I then aksed one more time if she had ever done anything at the club the previous times we went out. She broke down and told me that the first time we went to the club together, when the guy was massaging her stomach and thighs he had also made a move and went to hook up with her and she kissed him back. I was upset at this and she said she really regrets it and at the time she told herself that at least she didn't make the first move. She also promised that nothing like that would ever happen again and I believe her. She also has this issue where she is happy to be with me but she has said that it helps her self esteem to know that other guys still go after her. I think this is why she likes to dance with other guys at the clubs, she gets to see how many guys would want her but then not do anything with them.

My question is what do other people's girlfriends do at the clubs. I know its okay to hang out and chill with other people but I don't think my girl should have to grind with anyone else. I know that having other guys want her brings up her self esteem but still. Do any of your girlfriends do anything like this. Where do you guys draw the line. I would also like to say that a lot of the guys in clubs are shady and its sick how they try to make moves on people's girlfriends.

[brandie]

Rob and i go out together all the time and i would *never* dance with another guy just like he would never dance with another girl . . . i feel that there's a *reason* a guy and a girl go out together - to *be* together . . .

i trust him 100% and he's the same way with me - like we can both go to clubs with our friends and not each other, and not worry . . . i'm a cocktail waitress at a club, too, and rob has no problems with that - he's seen what i have to wear and knows that i'll be around drunk guys, but it's not a big deal. i would never let some random guy be all over me, thats just not cool . . .

luv,

brandie

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"And those who were seen dancing

were thought to be insane by those

who could not hear the music."

"To love someone is something..to be loved by someone is something else..

but to be loved by the one you love is everything.." Rob&Brandie AAF

loves2cox@netscape.net

AIM: loves2cox

[evilfixation]

SPD man this is a hard one. IF u feel likeu have to watch over her when you two are out that isnt a good thing. Trust is a major thing that has to be shared and 100 percent.

[clubhead32]

YO DUDE I HONESTLY READ THE WHOLE MESSGE AND LET ME TELL U SOMETHING MY EYES R ALL FUCK ED UP NOW THAT POST WAS MADE LONG BUT TRUTHFULLY BRANDIE HAS A POINT IF U GUYS GO TOGETHER TO A CLUB THAT MEANS U GUYS SHOULDNT FUCK AROUND WITH OTHER PEOPLE,BUT TRUTHFULLY IF U LOVE THIS GIRL THEN TELL HER HOW THIS MAKES U FEEL AND SHE WILL UNDERSTAND.

PS...MOST GUYS IN CLUBS R MAD SHADY AND DONT GIVE A FUCK IF THE GIRL GOT A MAN OR NOT.THATS WHY WHEN I 1ST MEET A GIRL IN A CLUB I ALWAYS ASK IF THEY GOT A MAN, IF THEY DO THEN PEACE,I AINT FUCKIN WITH THEM..

[glowgirl]

When I'm with a guy and I go to clubs with him I would NEVER dance with another guy, It's disrespectful!!!!!!

If the guy I'm with walks away for some reason, usually I get someone trying to talk to me. I am very nice to them and then when they ask for my number or if I wanna dance I let them know I'm with someone! Then they say sorry and walk away.

I would be pissed in your case, It's the attention that gets us sometimes, we love it!

But not when I'm with someone! I don't normally put myself in that position!

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Hi! How ya doing? where ya been, I had thoughts of you all night long.

Can't describe what you did, but you got me so!

Aolimer: Glowgirl42000

Email: Sugar4@earthlink.net

[jewel44317]

First of all, I have to say I can't believe I even read this whole thing. Anyway...

Hunny, first and foremost, if a girl is searching for her self-esteem by seeing how many guys will hit on her, let me tell u, not only will she NEVER find it, but she is taking steps away from ever having any by behaving like a cheap slut. Dancing with guys is one things...grinding is not dancing- its sex with clothes on...and that's all fine and dandy for single people, but if it's in your face then that fu&%in rude!! But sweetie- this girl you're seeing is not what I wanted to respond to. It's you I wanted to respond to- it's all cool that you're not jealous or possessive, and I respect the fact that you're so open minded, but obviously if you wrote this novel about your girl grinding and all that other shit (massages, girls hookin up, etc) then it's bothering you, AS IT WOULD ANY NORMAL PERSON. It's not so much about how you're reacting, it's about the fact that she says she loves you, but fails to consider your feelings before acting the way she does. It's obvious that you care for this girl, and I emphasize the word "girl", but the truth is, she is disrespecting you to your face by acting this way. If you wanna be respected, then YOU HAVE TO RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST...and right now you're gettin treated like shit. Sorry if this is blunt, but it's kinda hard to respond to a post like this in just a few words.

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"Spontaneity is the key to spice in life"

"Music makes the world go 'round...so keep it spinnin!"

[az-tec]

Bro..it took me a few minutes to recover from reading your post....my eyes are still fucked up

My philosophy is this if you even have doubts about her hooking up when you go out then youshould have doubts about your whole relationship. I personally am very picky as far as it comes to girlfriends in my whole life I have only had 1 girlfriend and that is cause the second I met her Iknew she was the one for me.

If youcant have 100% trust then there is no use of even having her as your girlfriend...she might as well just be a booty call. If you enter into a relationship inmy mind that means you are giving yourself to the other person in body and spirit. Trust is key.

-Andy

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And Everything Will Flow....Flow....Flow....

[flying_high]

Ok, first of all I have to say that I agree with what people before me said already and it's true that she shouldn't do those kind of dancing with other guys - it's disrespectful...so talk to her again and let her know how you feel, babe please...otherwise you'll be the one that get's hurt and you won't be able to freely enjoy your clubnights.

Ok, the other thing I just want to throw in the open here. My best friend get's really horny when she is on E. I mean, it's funny to watch cause she is single and hence, doesn't hurt anyone with that act. Still, she grindes with any guy (4-5 a night) and it rather looks like "sex on the dancefloor". I mean there is nothing she can do...she just get's soo f***ed up that no sense is left in here. I'm usually the one looking after here then cause normally and sober she just isn't an easy girl or anything like this. So, I don't know but it seems that some people just really klick out and "transform"....

sorry, just some food for thought

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[nickijay]

ok, i know when i'm into a guy i have eyes for no-one but him...i mean when i'm really into someone. it's like he's the only man that exists to me. that's when i know it's real. if your girl is letting other guys touch her in this manner then there's something wrong, i mean there's nothing wrong with backrub but she should've moved away if he's rubbing her thighs and stuff. she shouldn't want any guy but you touching her....this is just my opinion.

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Boink like a snow bunny!!!

uknj@aol.com

[spd1980]

Thanks for all of your replies so far. I do wanna add one thing. She wasn't really hardcore grinding with the guys. They had their hands on her hips and her hands were on their shoulders and they were moving to the beat with each other.

[Precious]

I totally agree with what most of everyone is saying, BUT I am in the same situation and have to say that I do not agree with not dancing with other people.

My BF & I have been exclusive going strong for 4 years. We have been clubbing for all of them too! Guys approach me all of the time when we are out & I DO dance with them & the same goes for my BF. BUT, we have a TRUST & a COMPANIONSHIP that if a guy seems to be getting a little too friendly, he steps in without hesitation.

My Question to you is. . . . you didn't say ANYTHING to this SLOB who had his hands all over your girl where they didn't belong????? I give it to you. . . being so understanding. My BF would have killed him -then me for letting it happen.

Bottom line is, maybe you should have a serious talk with your GF, before one day it goes just too far! I hope it all works itself out for you.

*Good Luck*

PeAcE & LoVe

~P

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CoSmic Karma Productions

e-mail: cosmic.karma@lycos.com

"MUSIC. . . MAKES THE PEOPLE. . . COME TOGETHER"

[evilfixation]

But there is a difference between understanding and allowing people to walk over u. There has to be a line where u have to say to yourself that this is too much and do something. I dont necassarly mean pounding on someone, but make a comment and stand up for yourself as well as your girlfriend.

I mean this about respect. respect for yourself and other people. Personally i try and respect people and i mean no harm. I would never step on some other guys toes by messing with his girl.

[Precious]

COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER!

CHEERS!

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CoSmic Karma Productions

e-mail: cosmic.karma@lycos.com

"MUSIC. . . MAKES THE PEOPLE. . . COME TOGETHER"

[This message has been edited by Precious (edited 01-07-2001).]

[selective]

remember when on e most ppl act different,

esp. some women when they are new to the scene, in general it doesn;t mean too much,

but if you go out as a couple only, just keep an eye on her, tell her what you accept

or not, she should stay away from groups of

guys she or you don;t know and for christ sake don;t accept anything from strange ppl.

it can get also tricky when you have to go to

the bathroom, wondering what did she do with them in the meantime.

while you left her. I am actually more an

european clubber, guys there are a bit cooler

don;t display their eagerness or desparation

as much, but still, this story is all too familiar, i still think you are ok with her,

need some time to adjust or go sober.

[sariman]

I guess I'm going to play devils advocate. Hell I'm guilty of always placing too much trust in people... so much that it gets me hurt more than not so. I'm a flirtatious person though. In a relationship I care 100% about the girl I am with, however, I still enjoy flirting. I can side with your girlfriend in the feeling she gets from beliving that guys still go for her. I think you could tell if she didn't care about you. Granted overly-flirtatious attitudes can lead to lost love... but I say that if you lose it then it wasn't complete anyway.

Trust her. Let her work her wild flirtatious side and experiment. There's no harm in flirting.

just my $0.02

//sariman

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P eace

L ove

U nity

R espect

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today!" -- James Dean

[cubano43]

Hell if I go to a club with a girl I'm dating ain't not fucking no guy will give her a back rub. I don't give a shit if that cool at exit. Even if it's my best friend. That's your girl no one touches her but you. Better open your eyes son.

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The World is mine!!

[divvalicious]

that is total disrespect to you on her part. as a girlfriend i dont care how fucked up she is there is no excuse to be grinding up or even getting massaged like that by other guys..if she was single its different..but right in front of your face..i wouldve dumped her ass..b/c if she does that in front of u u can only imagine what goes on when ur not around.. head for the hills while u can!!!!

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~~PaRt TiMe AngEL PaRt tImE DeViL~~

[makeakillin]

Me and my girlfriend go clubbing together all the time...And I dont give a fuck if she's been poppin pills like the cookie monster, aint no guy gonna give her a backrub or start grinding with her...thats ridiculous.....your getting played brother, wake up!....and if this girl does all this crazy shit while your with her at the club...IMAGINE WHAT SHES DOIN WHEN SHES GOIN OUT WITH HER FRIENDS!!("Who want to know what its like to hook up in a club") I mean, c'mon dude, get the ho in check, or kick the ho out...you need to get your act together

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[shadowchaser]

dump the bitch...

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got to let it ride, baby...

shadowchaser076@aol.com

exitsux@deeznutz.org

[foxyroxy20]

I totally agree with what ppl r saying i mean come on she is disrespecting u like crazy. what kind of shit is that to grind on other men. Damn if i went out with my boyfriend and he was grinding on a girl or anything, i would be like fuck u, and leave his ass on the dance floor, fuck that, that shits crazy. I dont play that flirting crap when ur supposed to be a couple. She dont give a fuck and will keep doing it cause u allow her to, step in and tell her u better stop taht shit or else i am out the door. You're too nice and good and ur getting hurt, and u keep making excuses caues u dont wanna see it. Just like in ur last post u saying the guy and her wasnt really grindign heavy he just had his hands on her hips, thats a damn excuse ur seeing it and it bothers u but u wanna act like its not happening and it is so wake up. serioulsy u dont need that, thats a real big problem thats going on.

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aim: amafrk1

amafrk1@yahoo.com

[djmikedr]

A guy should always be respecful and ask if she's with anyone or ask you if that's your girl first.

Some people share.

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Use email DJmikeDR@aol.com

PM way too slow!

[nycetouch]

sorry buddy but you need a new girlfriend. look, just because your out at a club maybe experimenting with new music and meeting people doesn't give you the right to act like a whore.

[sosultan]

Originally posted by foxyroxy20:

I totally agree with what ppl r saying i mean come on she is disrespecting u like crazy. what kind of shit is that to grind on other men. Damn if i went out with my boyfriend and he was grinding on a girl or anything, i would be like fuck u, and leave his ass on the dance floor, fuck that, that shits crazy. I dont play that flirting crap when ur supposed to be a couple. She dont give a fuck and will keep doing it cause u allow her to, step in and tell her u better stop taht shit or else i am out the door. You're too nice and good and ur getting hurt, and u keep making excuses caues u dont wanna see it. Just like in ur last post u saying the guy and her wasnt really grindign heavy he just had his hands on her hips, thats a damn excuse ur seeing it and it bothers u but u wanna act like its not happening and it is so wake up. serioulsy u dont need that, thats a real big problem thats going on.

i'd have to totally agree. How can you put up with all that bs. Clearly she's playing games with or fucking with your mind, and if she's not, that means she's being ignorant and has no respect for you in either case. Face it, and talk to her to her about this (one more time). Personally, i think i'd get out of this bs relationship by now.

[This message has been edited by sosultan (edited 01-08-2001).]

[msoprano]

Originally posted by brandie:

Rob and i go out together all the time and i would *never* dance with another guy just like he would never dance with another girl . . . i feel that there's a *reason* a guy and a girl go out together - to *be* together . . .

i trust him 100% and he's the same way with me - like we can both go to clubs with our friends and not each other, and not worry . . . i'm a cocktail waitress at a club, too, and rob has no problems with that - he's seen what i have to wear and knows that i'll be around drunk guys, but it's not a big deal. i would never let some random guy be all over me, thats just not cool . . .

luv,

brandie

hey brandie me you and i dance togetrher all the time, and somethimes in the nude as well. hahahaha

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TWILO'S WACK !!!! Sorry guys it is

"dont be affraid to walk out on anything in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat coming from around the corner" Robert Deniro

AIM:msoprano13

Email:msoprano13@yahoo.com

"IM GONNA MAKE YOU AN OFFER YOU CANT REFUSE" MSOPRANO13

[vamptrix76]

WHEN I GO CLUBBING WITH MY BOYFRIEND I ONLY STICK WITH MY BOYFRIEND, BUT WHEN I GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS I ONLY STICK WITH MY FRIENDS AND MEET OTHER PEOPLE BUT THAT'S IT!