xlr8ted Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 What are the rules for opposite sex friendships when one is in a serious relationship? What are the boundaries? What about being alone together for lunch , dinner, movies etc? How much time together is too much? Or just on the phone? Even if the friendship is completely platonic what is appropriate? Just wanted to see how everyone feels about this situation? I know it depends on the relationship and the people involved. I always go by the rule, if the friend was there before me, then thats fine, but if he/she just met this person, then it's a different story. Thanks for you inputX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollib Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 Yeah, I agree that if the person were friends with my bf before we met, then fine but if they met while were together, then that is a different story. I met this guy who wound up having a girlfriend and we kept in touch for a while (and yes, we hooked up) but after all was said and done, he was like, we'll be friends. There is no way in hell that he would be able to introduce me to his girlfriend and she wouldnt be wondering who I was or where I came from. It's funny because on z-100 this morning they were talking about whether or not guys and girls can have a platonic friendship with no sexual tension. I think this topic was discussed already here but I definitely think they can. They also said in most cases, a guy became friends with a girl because he was attracted to her. Sorry, just babbling!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sd Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 If my girlfriend had problems with me having friends that were of the opposite sex our relationship would end. I have 4 girls that I'm really tight with that I've been friends with for years. They are amazing people, I wouldn't sacrifice the relationships with them for a girlfriend. This probably also has something to do with the fact that I think that kind of attitude says a lot about the person and how they're going to react to other situations (ie. not worth being in a relationship with in the first place).Even if I met a girl while I was in relationship, I wouldn't hesitate to be friends with them. As long as its platonic I see no reason why you can't/shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex. How are you going to avoid it, run the opposite direction every time their is a girl in your environment. Btw, of course theirs attraction to someone when you meet them that is interesting, it doesn't mean it has to be sexual, it happens when you meet someone of the same sex to. Cool, interesting, intriguing people, create attraction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sum12nv Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 i have guy friends that are completely platonic and i dont want to EVER hook up with them...they are friends from school and i love how i can tell them anything and get advise on guys from them...my bf has female friends...some of which he met while we were together. i am not threatened by any of them, they are cool girls that i dont mind chillin' with either.gotta have trust, otherwise it'd never work:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollib Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 Originally posted by sum12nv gotta have trust, otherwise it'd never work:D I totally agree with that too! I guess just from my experience with that guy that if he met someone while were together, the I would think something. Otherwise, I would defintely not have a problem. I have guy friends that I am platonic with and always will be!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somebitch Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 i wish i had some more friends who were male. unfortuntely, it never works out for me. they tend to be one of a few types:a: waiting for you to give in to some kind of relationshipb: have tried to get with you in the past (this type probably resents you a little for rejecting them) usually after this happens it is best to cut them off completely.c: will take any opportunity to get in your pants d: waiting to make a move on youe: occasionally there are genuinely cool guys who just want to hang out, but they are one in a million.i hate to say it but its true. i know guys who wont even talk to a girl they arent attracted to. i actually hung out with a guy a few weeks ago (a type b "friend") who told me he didnt need any female friends so if we werent going to be more than friends he didnt want to hang out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b-side Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 I only have female friends, except for the guys I work with.Way too often ther guys get jealous and don't overstand that I don't want Their Girl..... If I did she would no be with him in the first place.... Duh! But what I don't get is why WOMEN always say they want a Man who's this, and who's that.... but when he arrives she won't go out with him, but will put him in the Friend Zone.....I feel SOME (not all) women like to keep male friends, as the DICK in the Glass case.... They like the guy but, want something they can't have... and thus keep tabs on the guy by setting him up with her female friends. Knowing that she can always have him if she wanted...>>>>>>>> Break incase of emergency! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sum12nv Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 Originally posted by b-side but when he arrives she won't go out with him, but will put him in the Friend Zone.....I feel SOME (not all) women like to keep male friends, as the DICK in the Glass case.... They like the guy but, want something they can't have... and thus keep tabs on the guy by setting him up with her female friends. Knowing that she can always have him if she wanted...>>>>>>>> Break incase of emergency! you got that from one of Chris Rock's stand-up acts so true though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misk Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 if the friendship was there before your relationship...don't touch it!!! it will only cause problems! unless there is something fishy...and u seriously think they are 'friends with benefits'! LOLi have a lot of guy friends and with some it may have been something more at one point but i guess u just have to trust!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barvybe Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 i've got tons of female friends, and always have. with the exception of about 4 guys i've known for a really long time, i'm tighter with the girlies than the guys.some of them are really cute, and there was some sexual tension at first, but its all good now. my girlfriends have to deal with this or my relationship doesn't work with them.i mean, many of these friends and i kiss on the lips, we've gone out "scamming" together, sit on each others laps in big piles, dance, etc. for me, crossing the line to inappropriate and disrespectful has to do with intent. i'm the way i am, so when a girl gets to know me, she realizes that there's no intent with any of these girl friends of mine, so its not inappropriate.i just make sure that my girlfriend meets them, and hangs with them so that she sees everything that's going on and doesn't feel threatened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 Originally posted by sum12nv gotta have trust, otherwise it'd never work:D Truer words have not been spoken... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurensomers Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 Trust is definitely the key. However, your past relationships kind of indicate what is acceptable and what is not. I think its okay to have "friends" of the opposite sex, however in my case I would feel uncomfortable if some chick was calling my BF off the hook 24 - 7 ( unless it was a longtime friend). Just like I would feel guilty about doing the same to him. In my last relationship my bf made me sever all ties with guy friends, i gave into him (WHY who the hell knows). He'd go crazy on me if he saw me even glance at another guy... I think it may depend how jealous/insecure that guy/girl is too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPYGIRL3 Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 Most of my friend are guys, I have never hooked up with them. Some of them have girlfriends, but I have been friends with for so long, that their gf's know that there is to be no BS involed. If they are threaten by my presence, that is the girl's lack of trust in her bf...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted October 10 Report Share Posted October 10 Originally posted by laurensomers In my last relationship my bf made me sever all ties with guy friends, i gave into him (WHY who the hell knows). He'd go crazy on me if he saw me even glance at another guy... Gee, that sounds awfully familiar... wonder if I just broke up w/your ex... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by xlr8ted What are the rules for opposite sex friendships when one is in a serious relationship? What are the boundaries? What about being alone together for lunch , dinner, movies etc? How much time together is too much? Or just on the phone? Even if the friendship is completely platonic what is appropriate? Just wanted to see how everyone feels about this situation? I know it depends on the relationship and the people involved. I always go by the rule, if the friend was there before me, then thats fine, but if he/she just met this person, then it's a different story. Thanks for you inputX once it makes it uncomfortable for your partner then its a lil too much... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chula22 Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 I personally dont have a problem with my guy having girls that are friends as long as i know them. When he starts hiding names and calls, or when new names start popping up into the picture, then we will have a little talk.I have a lot of guy freinds and i know that my guy would not expect me to drop my friends. Its all about the trust and self security. I know that usually when two people are friends of the opposite sex, it is because of some type of physical attraction. But again, TRUST! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nSyNcBaBy Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by chula22 I personally dont have a problem with my guy having girls that are friends as long as i know them. When he starts hiding names and calls, or when new names start popping up into the picture, then we will have a little talk.I have a lot of guy freinds and i know that my guy would not expect me to drop my friends. Its all about the trust and self security. I know that usually when two people are friends of the opposite sex, it is because of some type of physical attraction. But again, TRUST! i agree with u 100%..... trust is definitely the key to everything... but sometimes its hard when u get cheated on real bad in the past... and when ur bf hangs out with another girl that u dont really know at all.... it kinda leads to insecurity in the gf. ok ill just tell u:: ive been cheated on, read bad, by someone i loved a lot... and i was so naive, bla bla bla... and i have a bf now, as a lot of u know, and i trust him completely.. i know he wont cheat on me... maybe im still naive lol but i DO trust him. but theres this girl he met a few months ago who he hangs out with every once in a while... and i dont know her at all. ive seen a pic of her online and talked to her a couple times online.. but i really dont know her. ***now my problem is all with myself here***. i trust him. and i guess i have to trust her cuz he assures me shes cool and shes got no hidden 'intentions' with him... but b/c i was made to feel like i was never good enough in the past, im scared that the more time he spends with this girl.. or any girl for that matter... the more hes gonna drift from me and not want to be with me anymore. I KNOW, I KNOW!!! thats the most pathetic thing ever... but as much as i try i cant help feeling insecure about myself in any relationship... only b/c every sense of security i had with myself was taken from me when my ex was fuckin not one, but 3 15 year old slut behind my back. other girls chillin with ur man will bring out that insecurity in u after a while. HELP ME! someone please tell me how to get over that feeling cuz it sucks...i let him chill with her, i let him chill with anybody and i dont get mad cuz hes allowed to be friends with whoever he wants.. im totally cool with it. and i know that a lil jealousy is healthy cuz it lets u know u really care but theres always that feeling and i cant get rid of it........ and i also dont want him thinkin im some psycho cuz im NOT! i just get a lil weirded out when i think of this shit... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chula22 Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Hi sweety, Well, thats not a good feeling because a feeling like that could push him away from you. You have to be careful not to let your, excuse the term, "personal hangups" get in the wa of what could be a very good relationship sweety. I have made that mistake in the past and it cost me a few good men.Originally posted by linabina i agree with u 100%..... trust is definitely the key to everything... but sometimes its hard when u get cheated on real bad in the past... and when ur bf hangs out with another girl that u dont really know at all.... it kinda leads to insecurity in the gf. ok ill just tell u:: ive been cheated on, read bad, by someone i loved a lot... and i was so naive, bla bla bla... and i have a bf now, as a lot of u know, and i trust him completely.. i know he wont cheat on me... maybe im still naive lol but i DO trust him. but theres this girl he met a few months ago who he hangs out with every once in a while... and i dont know her at all. ive seen a pic of her online and talked to her a couple times online.. but i really dont know her. ***now my problem is all with myself here***. i trust him. and i guess i have to trust her cuz he assures me shes cool and shes got no hidden 'intentions' with him... but b/c i was made to feel like i was never good enough in the past, im scared that the more time he spends with this girl.. or any girl for that matter... the more hes gonna drift from me and not want to be with me anymore. I KNOW, I KNOW!!! thats the most pathetic thing ever... but as much as i try i cant help feeling insecure about myself in any relationship... only b/c every sense of security i had with myself was taken from me when my ex was fuckin not one, but 3 15 year old slut behind my back. other girls chillin with ur man will bring out that insecurity in u after a while. HELP ME! someone please tell me how to get over that feeling cuz it sucks...i let him chill with her, i let him chill with anybody and i dont get mad cuz hes allowed to be friends with whoever he wants.. im totally cool with it. and i know that a lil jealousy is healthy cuz it lets u know u really care but theres always that feeling and i cant get rid of it........ and i also dont want him thinkin im some psycho cuz im NOT! i just get a lil weirded out when i think of this shit... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollib Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Lina, from all your past posts and those of your boyfriend, seems like you two have a great relationship and I understand that sometimes you cant help jealousy but if you keep feeling this way, you are going to drive yourself nuts!! (although it sounds that way alrrady) Does he know exactly how you feel? What does he have to say? You both seem like good, sweet people that really care for one another! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nSyNcBaBy Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by lollib Lina, from all your past posts and those of your boyfriend, seems like you two have a great relationship and I understand that sometimes you cant help jealousy but if you keep feeling this way, you are going to drive yourself nuts!! (although it sounds that way alrrady) Does he know exactly how you feel? What does he have to say? You both seem like good, sweet people that really care for one another! yea i know.... im over it after reading these lol.... cant risk losing him to nothing.. so fuck it. im over it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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