Do any of you ever feel Lonely in clubland?

[mugwump]

You walk into a big room.

Pounding music.

Flashing lights.

Beautiful people.

Beautiful smiles.

Hugs all around you..

Hand shakes..

"How have you been?" someone asks you..

You dance.

You indulge.

Perhaps you sit next to a cutie

and share a kiss as the right build

up brings goosebumps to the back of your neck..

Then you walk to the bar to get some water.

And you reflect..

"WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

Do any of them know the real person

in that club. Do any of them

KNOW ME?

Do any of them really care?...

Anyone ever get that feeling of loneliness

in a sea of people?

Like you are just in a "movie"

with characters that will soon fade as soon as the

night is over and the lights go up?

I DO.

It's a feeling that grows in

me every day..Each time I go out..

Perhaps I'm getting older..

more jaded..

Or perhaps some events that have recently passed across

in my life have frozen my heart a bit.

But in the end I feel that music brings me comfort..

PEOPLE BRING ME A FEELING OF SOLITUDE.

ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE I DO?

[JonStephen]

Originally posted by mugwump

You walk into a big room.

Pounding music.

Flashing lights.

Beautiful people.

Beautiful smiles.

Hugs all around you..

Hand shakes..

"How have you been?" someone asks you..

You dance.

You indulge.

Perhaps you sit next to a cutie

and share a kiss as the right build

up brings goosebumps to the back of your neck..

Then you walk to the bar to get some water.

And you reflect..

"WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

Do any of them know the real person

in that club. Do any of them

KNOW ME?

Do any of them really care?...

Anyone ever get that feeling of loneliness

in a sea of people?

Like you are just in a "movie"

with characters that will soon fade as soon as the

night is over and the lights go up?

I DO.

It's a feeling that grows in

me every day..Each time I go out..

Perhaps I'm getting older..

more jaded..

Or perhaps some events that have recently passed across

in my life have frozen my heart a bit.

But in the end I feel that music brings me comfort..

PEOPLE BRING ME A FEELING OF SOLITUDE.

ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE I DO?

Bro, you are in your rebound stages............quit thinking about this kind of stuff, its only gonna get you more and more on the depressed side.

[mugwump]

Rebound?!

And where should I Rebound back to?

Another girl?

Another Lie?

Another false reality with dead ends?

NY is a city of people

that USE you for their own

means...

I am constantly feeling

like everyone that talks to me

is a car sales man trying to get me to buy

a shitty car..

Like every girl that I chat with

has a hidden "agenda"

(and an Ice pick in her purse)

The music I love..

TRULY LOVE,

(breaks/electro/TECHNO)

Is a minority..

When I step into the BIG HOUSES

of House and Trance

I feel a sudden surge of insecurity hit me

like a lightening bolt..

Like a voice in the back of my head telling me:

"YOU DON'T BELONG HERE..LOOK AROUND..

Everyone's A MODEL..EVERY ONE'S FAAAABULOUSE!"

I feel lonely..

So I run to the smaller

Dark loud holes in the city:

Baktun..

Guernica..

Filter14..

Open air..

Get obliterated and make

love to the speaker....

Black out..

Wake up forgetting how I got home that night..

But all I know is that I loved my music..

And it gives me sympathy!

More than anyone in the "scene" or

in my life has ever given me.

PEOPLE ARE GHOSTS COMPARED

TO THE MUSIC!

*what I wouldn't give to stop being human

and become a machine~

[heretic909]

Dude, I totally know what you're talkin about. They're just your "club friends". Hell, I don't even know the real names of most of my club friends, yet I see them at least 2-3 times a week. Just party with them and have a good time, and try not to analyze it too much.

[mugwump]

Originally posted by heretic909

Dude, I totally know what you're talkin about. They're just your "club friends". Hell, I don't even know the real names of most of my club friends, yet I see them at least 2-3 times a week. Just party with them and have a good time, and try not to analyze it too much.

Unfortunately That's all I have

at the moment....

[blondymu]

Well.. I don't like to hear that kinda talk!!

Don't get jaded... these are club people, and some are shday yes... but many are great people that are also into the vibe and the music... more than anything I feel a comrodary towards these people I don't know, just when i see them enjoying and being into the music that I myslef am enjoying so much...

If you are feeling a sense of lonliness, it has to be something deeper..and i think when you change that you won't feel that when your out... I've founf myslef alone a number of times in clubs, or the only of my friends into the music.. but i haven't felt a lonliness cause of the fullness i find in my friends, and family...

and Fuck the model people... you know its all an act, rember those poepl have as many problems and issues as anyone else in this world...

[breakbeatz2]

whoa. i sense a serious sense of depression over here.

man, you have to chill out. gotta look aroound, and pardon the cliche, smell the roses. things are good, life is good, and people around you are good. its easy to isolate yourself and wallow in your misery and loneliness. but that isn't going to get you anywhere. self-pitty is horrible man, dont make it your downfall.

i understand it is nice to get people to pitty you, but that is not the right way to go. friends dont become friends out of pity. and furthermore, its not exactly appealing to socialize with a person who is ful of self-pitty

from what i've read in your posts, you seem like a cool guy. so where the hell is this coming from? some people lie, and other dont as often. just dont expect too much form everybody. that way you dont get dissapointed. we all learned the hard way which friends you can count on, and which ones you cant. and believe me, i've had a very serious relationship fall apart too (i'm figuring you did) and i was heart-broken and confused. time heals, but only if you get yourself looking ahead not backwards.

and about the music, its a nice escape, but dont revolve your life around it. thats a sure way to isolate yourself completely and lose all REAL friends and only have club-friends. a good dj can really take you away from the bothers of the real world, but its a one-night thing. i love going to DT, or S&D, or Deep Dish, etc. and forgetting about the world out there and just partying with great people to great beats, but i dont think a person should consider that their life. its just weekend getaway.

if you actually made your way all the way this far in the post, first i commend you, and second, i really hope you'll climb out of this hole and finally see sunlight again (ok, ok so i'm not as good at being poetic as you are) look around and you'll be surprised how many good people are around. life is good if you want it to be. that simple. we all hold our fates in our hands.

Dima

[mugwump]

Originally posted by blondymu

Well.. I don't like to hear that kinda talk!!

Don't get jaded... these are club people, and some are shday yes... but many are great people that are also into the vibe and the music... more than anything I feel a comrodary towards these people I don't know, just when i see them enjoying and being into the music that I myslef am enjoying so much...

If you are feeling a sense of lonliness, it has to be something deeper..and i think when you change that you won't feel that when your out... I've founf myslef alone a number of times in clubs, or the only of my friends into the music.. but i haven't felt a lonliness cause of the fullness i find in my friends, and family...

and Fuck the model people... you know its all an act, rember those poepl have as many problems and issues as anyone else in this world...

Let me tell you a story about a mugwump

that use to dance with a girl he loved

in RAVES..TWILO...CARBON..

VYNIL (Unity days)..SAVE THE ROBOTS..

He felt the music in his heart..

He loved the people..

A time of "PLUR"..

A time when people felt HONEST

and everything looked BRIGHT!

This mugwump got burned..

He looked up and found that many of these

"CLUBBING BUDDIES" didn't give a rat's ass

about him...

He lost sight of "PLUR"

and saw it replaced by "GLAM"

He saw his girl turn into

a pretentious HOOCH..

After years LOVE turned gray..

He lost his job..

His girl..

His dog..

He lost his love for the dance floors..

Drugs took over the bigger venues..

Saw his homes shut down..

He started to do really bad things

to himself in order to

"BECOME A MACHINE"

To not "feel" he lost himself

in self prescribed "medicine"..

Lost sooo much weight that he hardly knows

himself when he looked in the mirror..

Lost a chunk of his mind in the process..

Froze his heart and now everything

looks GRAY!

BUT PERHAPS THIS MUGWUMP SEES THINGS THE

WAY THEY TRULY ARE NOW!

And this loneliness.

is like a black hole that keeps growing..

growing..

grooowwwing..

Until one day there will be nothing left of

Clubland or the Mugwump...

Except a shallow carcass and

a pair of headphones next to him on the

floor.

[cotoncandydream]

"Unfortunately That's all I have

at the moment.... "

SCREW YOU PALLY!

Stop over analyzing the situation you are giving yourself agita!

I think it's time to get on the plane M! Just for a Week or wo t recharge the battery.

[breaksny]

On a serious note, this is why I'm not dating right now. I take relationships very seriously (too much so), so what's the point in worrying about being with someone if you're not ready (whether you're clubbing or not)? You go clubbing basically to have fun, if you're not having fun doing it, then you should probably find something else to do.

[beatz]

Yo I think I know where this kid's coming from yo. But it's more than just loosing a girl. i think Mugz is talkin about loosing his love for everything that he felt passionate about and shit. It's like in that book by Ann Rice "The Vampire Lestate" yo! Sometimes you just need to go under and stop. Fade for a while and shit, knowhatI'msayin? Music is great only if you are happy Mugz. Go away and come back again. Shit like this depresses me and shit. I'd rather read you fighting with your dog or promoting sounds. Trying to get board members to get up and do something in the scene. Not this kind of sad shit yo. I have enough problems right now to have MUGZ bring me further down in my life bty reading this kind of shit! (Though I agrees wit you more than you know man!)

[Randy]

yo M'z, u keep this up anf you'll go bald

[somebitch]

damn. i can totally relate to the way you feel. i often go into places and dont feel the way i used to.

simple things used to make me so happy.

now i crave much deeper, more insightful things.

[mugwump]

Originally posted by somebitch

damn. i can totally relate to the way you feel. i often go into places and dont feel the way i used to.

simple things used to make me so happy.

now i crave much deeper, more insightful things.

Insightful..?

To quote the late

Kurt Cobain:

"I Wish I was like Yoouuu,

easily amused"

(Not you somebitch)

[joeg]

Maudy, I can completley relate. Theres definately times where i'll sit in a club and look around and get very disturbed by what I see around me... If you overanalyze it you will get depressed.

What i've found as that out of your "club friends" you can make "real friends" out of some of them. With the people i'm closer with, i'll definately call them up and just hang out with them outside of a club, catch a movie, chill, whatever... There are some REAL people amongst us, its just a matter of weeding them out from the rest.

I've used the term "characters" a lot, aswell. I think thats a really accurate way to describe a lot of people.

All in All, it comes down to 1 thing you can live by... You need to be content with yourself before you bother to interact with others. Because in the end, everyone will dissapoint you, so you have to be the only one who doesn't.

[Xpander]

Originally posted by joeg

Maudy, I can completley relate. Theres definately times where i'll sit in a club and look around and get very disturbed by what I see around me... If you overanalyze it you will get depressed.

What i've found as that out of your "club friends" you can make "real friends" out of some of them. With the people i'm closer with, i'll definately call them up and just hang out with them outside of a club, catch a movie, chill, whatever... There are some REAL people amongst us, its just a matter of weeding them out from the rest.

I've used the term "characters" a lot, aswell. I think thats a really accurate way to describe a lot of people.

All in All, it comes down to 1 thing you can live by... You need to be content with yourself before you bother to interact with others. Because in the end, everyone will dissapoint you, so you have to be the only one who doesn't.

But sometimes analysis is necessary...

Then again, it does come down to what you're willing to give up in order to see things more logically...

And on your last words, I don't agree...

What's different here is that, I no longer expect this "golden sheen" that surrounds everything. Sometimes, once you've accepted things as they are, you then learn to see them for what they are rather than what you want them to be.

[bigpoppanils]

i think mugz needs to get a job

sitting around and thinking all the time is never a good thing (well you know what i mean, well at least i hope so because i dont)

where the hell was i going with this?

oh fuck

*sigh*

would you like a hug?

[joeg]

Originally posted by xpander

But sometimes analysis is necessary...

Then again, it does come down to what you're willing to give up in order to see things more logically...

And on your last words, I don't agree...

What's different here is that, I no longer expect this "golden sheen" that surrounds everything. Sometimes, once you've accepted things as they are, you then learn to see them for what they are rather than what you want them to be.

I guess to more accurately paraphrase my last statement, You can't go looking for something to make you happy everywhere, You need to first be happy before you go out. Otherwise, you will find yourself totally dissapointed/depressed.

[Xpander]

Originally posted by joeg

I guess to more accurately paraphrase my last statement, You can't go looking for something to make you happy everywhere, You need to first be happy before you go out. Otherwise, you will find yourself totally dissapointed/depressed.

Not really, that's actually what I was pointing out...

When you're not putting expectations on the world, then you learn to see the world as "what it is" rather than something which falls below your expectations, which would make you dissappointed/depressed.

[joeg]

Originally posted by xpander

Not really, that's actually what I was pointing out...

When you're not putting expectations on the world, then you learn to see the world as "what it is" rather than something which falls below your expectations, which would make you dissappointed/depressed.

Which is why you need to be happy with yourself first... you can't go out EXPECTING to find happines.

I think we're hitting the same point here in different words.

[Xpander]

Originally posted by joeg

Which is why you need to be happy with yourself first... you can't go out EXPECTING to find happines.

I think we're hitting the same point here in different words.

No...

Rather, you're saying to save oneself as one's last ditch salvation of sorts when everyone else dissappoints you and lets you down.

I'm implying that one should prepare as to never be dissappointed in the first place.

[joeg]

Originally posted by xpander

No...

Rather, you're saying to save oneself as one's last ditch salvation of sorts when everyone else dissappoints you and lets you down.

I'm implying that one should prepare as to never be dissappointed in the first place.

No...

I'm saying be content before you go out so you're not looking for salvation (ie. PREPARE to go out, by already being at peace with yourself).

I'm NOT saying once you've gone out and your dissapointed, try and find yourself.

[Xpander]

Originally posted by joeg

No...

I'm saying be content before you go out so you're not looking for salvation (ie. PREPARE to go out, by already being at peace with yourself).

I'm NOT saying once you've gone out and your dissapointed, try and find yourself.

And I'm saying don't even bother being at peace with yourself

[joeg]

*Insert Hourlong conversation of me and nathan discussing our friends here*

Asked to remove it... I somehow pissed people off I didn't mention or talk about...

Hope it was helpful to whoever got to read it. I re-read it like 5 times, and got a lot out of it.

[mugwump]

I did guys thanks..

(Though that back and forth

made me kinda diZZy)

I post myself as an

open mind to be read..

Sorrow..joys and all

(Like a medical show with brain surgery)

So that I can hear what you all have

to say..

To see different angles

and perspectives on my situation..

I do this not out of SELF PITY..

Or need for sympathy but more

like having a need for "VIRTUAL MIRRORS"

to cast my words back..

So that I can see myself from different angles

through all of you..

I can't say I always agree..

But I do need that option..

(You'd be surprised to know

how few REAL friends I really DO have

on the outside world.)

Sometimes these threads are all I've got.

THANKS FOR THE INSIGHT!