Subject: HOW TO TELL WHERE YOU LIVE..... You live in California when... > > 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house. > 2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone. > 3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. > 4. You know how to eat an artichoke. > 5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. > 6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it > will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. > You live in New York City when... > > 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. > 2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. > 3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus > Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. > 4. You think Central Park is "nature," > 5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. > 6. You've worn out a car horn. > 7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression. > > You live in upstate New York when... > > 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco. > 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas. > 3. You have more than one recipe for moose. > 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. > 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction. > You live in the Deep South when... > > 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. > 2."ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural. > 3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are Ya?" > 4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense. > 5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc. > You live in Colorado when... > > 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. > 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center. > 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating. > 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. > You live in the Midwest when... > > 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. > 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. > 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.