heretic909
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Posts posted by heretic909
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Depends on what your singing voice sounds like. I don't think they'd be offended because you're white. But in actuality, I do think that you'd have to prove yourself.
I first wondered what my g/f's friends thought about me since she's a black girl from Baltimore, and my German ass is about as white as they come. But once they saw me sippin on OE while DJing some sick breaks at various parties, they knew I could hang, and I've come to be good friends with a lot of her friends.
It is depressing because it's still a black and white thing in a lot of places. But once those barriers come down after people find out that they have a lot more in common than previously assumed (regardless of skin color), than I believe a good time can be had by everyone.
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Ok, so I've been dating the same girl for the past six years. The last two years haven't been all that great, but I've stuck with her for reasons that I'm not quite sure of now. Then she left in December to go on tour in Europe, and she's not getting back til June.
Since she left, I've met another girl that I've grown extremely close to. This other girl makes me happy in a way that I haven't felt in many years, and just recently she told me that she loves me. She knows that I already have a g/f, and she seems to have accepted that fact since she asked me when my g/f was coming back because she wanted to know how much longer she'd be able to be with me. And she's also been keeping this 'affair' a secret within our scene for my sake, because she seems genuinely concerned about what's best for me.
Now I feel like my heart is at a fork in the road, and I'm just wondering if posting this nonsense will help alleviate any of this confusion that's been building inside of me. I've been trying to make a 'pro and con' list, but it doesn't seem to be helping me see things any clearer.
As far as my g/f goes:
·I've been with her for six years
·She's extremely beautiful
·We share many similar tastes
·I'm 'comfortable' with her
·And she's very musically talented, and we had planned on starting a new project together when she got back from Europe
On the downside:
·She doesn't make me as happy as she used to
·I feel like we've grown apart since she left
·Both her and her parents are very selfish people
·And she's been lying to me about her finances, and expecting me to pay for her bills and everything while she's away, even though she knows I don't have any money right now which has completely obliterated all of my savings and made life extremely difficult
As far as the other girl:
·I haven't felt this happy in years whenever I'm with her
·She's very generous, and has given me her last dollar even though she doesn't have any money of her own
·She's invited me over and cooked meals for me when I wasn't able to afford to eat
·She's given me more compliments on my music in the past few weeks than any other person ever has
On the downside:
·She is so not my type. She's covered in tattoos, piercings and body scarification, yet there is something about her that I find absolutely adorable
·My parents would probably suffer simualtaneous heart attacks if they ever met her in person
·Her mom is a complete psycho, and always grabbing my hair or my ass whenever I go over to their place
On the plus side for both girls:
·They are both completely amazing in bed
On the down side for both girls:
·Both of them are never on time for anything which drives me nuts (in a bad way)
Sorry this is so long, but does anyone have any views on this? I know I have a history with my g/f and that it'd be really shitty of me to leave her while she's out of the country since I feel somewhat obligated to her. But every time she calls me from Europe now, I'm more annoyed than anything. She'll start nagging me that I'm going out too much, even though I've actually been furthering my career by networking which she doesn't seem to understand. I've actually been enjoying this break I've had from her, and it almost seems like she was holding me back while she was here with me. She tells me that she misses me more and more every day while she's away, and I have to lie to her and tell her that I feel the same way, when in actuality I've enjoyed her absence. Plus the financial situation with her has really fucked me over, and I've been resenting her more and more for leaving me to deal with her debts and shit.
Then there's this other girl. All I know right now, is that I'm sad when we're apart, and I'm completely happy when we're together. She has no expectations of me, and she loves me simply because of the fact that she loves me. She's about as far from the ideal girl that I had imagined myself being with, yet I haven't been able to prevent myself from believing that I love her as well.
I'm wondering if there is any solution to this, or if I'm just fucking with my own head because of my self-destructive nature.
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Originally posted by makeakillin
sure you dont have my pants on?
Possibly. What kinda chapstick do you use? heh
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Although it was kinda hazy from my view, I could see the lights shooting up into the clouds from Queens tonite. Pretty cool.
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She must be French.
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·gloves
·gun
·picture of my target
·fake suicide note
·chapstick
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Yeah, I've been busier than usual trying to get my new site finished, and I've been playing more gigs lately. I still pop in here every once in a while.
Steelow was taking some pics, but I don't know if he's going to post them or not.
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Last night was the 6 year anniversary of Vesago, and it feels like it's gonna take a while to recover from this one. Both levels were completely packed, yet there weren't any attitudes flaring from the congestion and it looked like everyone was having a good time. I played a set of techno and ebm on the lower level before Hellraver took over with his blend of hard beatz. Then later on in the night I played a set of techno-industrial and gabber on the upper level which had the entire floor packed. People told me that they were even dancing in the back room by the bar because they couldn't fit on the main dancefloor which was nice to hear. Rexx Arkana played some good sets on the upper level also, and DJ Red from Philly played a sick set towards the end of the night. After we got everybody cleared out of the club, about 1/4 of the people that were at the party headed over to this afterhours dungeon. I picked up a few forties on my way over there, and then they put on one of my cds, so we got to kick back and listen to more of my shit while sippin on OE.
Finally made it back home Saturday afternoon to let my body begin its recovery process. -
Originally posted by totallytrance
Hallo heretic909, wie gehts?
Bad right now. This girl was supposed to be over here 30 minutes ago with my 40oz. and a pack of smokes, and I'm startin to fiend a little.
warum sind Frauen nie rechtzeitig?
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I was a skater until I got my drivers license. That was one thing I actually enjoyed about growing up in WA state was skating and listening to grunge bands before they got big (Nirvana, Melvins, Coffin Break, Mudhoney, etc.) I actually custom-painted boards back in the day also. But yeah, I was always wearin the black t-shirts, the charcoal and black plaid shorts that hung way low, and I had long bleach blonde hair on top with dark brown hair that was shaved short around the sides and back.
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Depends on what you call famous. I've smoked up with Gwar and hung out on the tour bus with Thrill Kill Kult, but I doubt anyone knows who they are. As far as people you probably know, I've chatted with Trent Reznor at a club and I got to hang out backstage with Depeche Mode last year.
My college graduation was pretty cool, though. David Bowie was the guest speaker and he handed each of us our diplomas personally.
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Originally posted by covetoys
and you meet someone that all the sudden you have an unbeleivable connection with. One that outshines your current relationship. Are you falling deeper in love and are you cheating on yourself to not act on the impulses that are also mixing with your hormones?
You might just find the love of your life. You will never know unless it happens I guess?
Does anyone see my point?
I totally see your point. The girl I've been with lately understands me in a way that my current g/f never has, and I feel more of a bond with her than I do with my g/f. But my g/f doesn't get back to the States til June, so it'd be pretty shitty of me to leave her now for this other girl, even though me and this other girl have grown unbelieveably tight in the past couple months.
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I wanna live in a solid onyx fortress up in the far north of Canada with absolutely no one around and where it's cold all year round. And the fortress would come complete with a recording studio, a weight room, a basketball court, and I'd have a black Hummer for whenever I felt like venturing out into civilization.
But if that's not attainable, I'd settle for a half frozen 40oz. right now.
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Originally posted by marcid21
The game of love is a fucking sick joke....BAH!!!!!
True... so true...
That fairy-tale bullshit might have held some weight back in the day, but it's the 21st century now. Humans are slowly weaning themselves off of that kinda shit. Love is an emotion that gets in the way of too much shit.
Go for yours, and don't let love get in your way. You can still care for someone, but don't get sucked into that 'perfect someone' hype. Happiness these days is found in accomplishment whether it has anything to do with those you care about (or love).
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:laugh: Sarah's a trooper
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Originally posted by roninmess
Just dont put a curse on me.
heh
Don't worry. I've been slackin lately and haven't had time to finish my coursework in Voodoo 101.
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Originally posted by roninmess
from heretic909's pic threads and his favorite smileys, I see he has problems.....
I just get bored easily with all of you vanillas and your mundane ways.
quote for the day:
you are what they made you... make them regret it
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too much baggage
find someone else and/or just enjoy yourself
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That pic was taken at an s/m afterhours dungeon after about 15 hrs of straight partying and a system full of all sorts of chemicals. But if that one's too cracked out for ya, then I'll post the one I always do:
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samurai smiley
alien lunch
satan vs teletubbies
viking smileys
kill that chicken
death by acid
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This is me (a/k/a the Gene Simmons of DJs) at an afterhours dungeon.
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The 6 year anniversary of the industrial rave, Vesago, is this Friday if you're feeling adventurous. DJs include Dräcos, Hellraver, Rexx Arkana and others on two levels spinning everything from tekno-industrial, hard trance, gabber and more. There's also gonna be an alien blacklite art display by Soinge Deluxe, video projections by Smack Video Lab and Denny Daniel, a metal grinding spark show by Steelow and Octavio, and a shitload of other performances. And it's only $10 with a flier or $12 without.
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Originally posted by djustinh
When im in the studio or behind the decks, there is no such thing as women or relationships. Im in my own world, that not a single other person could make me happier with.
But when im not behind the mixer or the turntables, sheeeeeeit, its god damn lonely! lol
... btw, i didn't "wish" for anything, but thanks for the advice
Yeah, a g/f can get mad annoying when you're working in your studio. I even bought my g/f a PlayStation to keep her occupied so I could work on my tracks in peace. But then she never played with the damn thing, I was out a couple hundred bucks, and she'd still find her way to the studio and interrupt me in the middle of recording. Just take advantage of the solitude while you have it and use it to get a lot of work done.
Finally made it back home Saturday afternoon to let my body begin its recovery process.
:laugh: 
if you owned...
in Sex
Posted
Sinner Sanctum
Actually, that's the name I used for a series of really fuct up afterparties I held in Boston back in the day.