shlonger

Tripper, this is my last acknowledgement of your pathetic, inconsequential existence. I'm not going to bother going back and forth with you because it would just be a waste of my valuable time. If you come at me again, you only serve to emasculate yourself; but at least you did notice my resemblance to sabato jr. Stacked, I can always count on you to keep everything in order while I get my unnecessary beauty sleep. But, I'd hate to see you snap another torso over your knee. Remember all the court and lawyer fees the last time that happened? Considering I will be in Brazil, come back for the Big East tournament, then go to Vegas in March, who will I rely on to take the reigns of our empire if you go through that again? Pipdaddy, as much as I like ya, you're gonna get a mouth full of my foot. I said I'd do it, so now I have to. The donkeys will think I've gone soft if I don't. So sorry bro. Dogekid, it was the blocked field goal that killed us. We needed the points, so that uncalled halo violation was good in a way.

And must you quote my whole friggin post???? You were the first to respond; I don't think anyone would've been lost in the dialogue up until that point, so your quote is just a waste of board space.

Yes, most definitely can, but do I want to??? Probably not. Most of the jerkoffs on the board, such as yourself, don't know where the fine line between humor and seriousness is drawn, at least with regards to my posts. Sure I may be the best looking, smartest, and best, but I like others to wonder if I'm joking when I post something like this. Remember my sn is shlonger, and sometimes I have to live up to my name by being a dick. With that, I leave you with a big FUCK YOU.[

I'd rather jerk off with a brillo pad.

I was taking a diagnostic MCAT practice exam the other day when this dumb bitch in front of me got up and asked the professor how to do a problem on the test. She has a pretty nasty smile, which has nothing to do with what I'm talking about, but it was pissing me off so I thought I'd mention it. Anyway, back to how stupid she is. During the test, she got up at least 8 times to ask the professor for help with her test; she even asked how to do the same problem twice. I could have sworn I heard the professor muttering "you dumb bitch" under his breath as she walked away, but then I realized it was just me. If I was the professor, I'd have answered her question with a jab to the kidney. "Sit down dumbass," I'd have said, as I kicked her rotund ass back to her seat. All throughout the test, one moron after another (all aspiring to go to med school too) got up and asked the professor stupid questions. By the way, the next time I hear someone say "there's no such thing as stupid questions, only stupid people" they're going to get a mouth full of my foot. I'm tired of people and their clever little sayings. Stupid questions do exist. For example, any question directed towards me starting with the words "why should I...", the answer is always: because I said so, asshole. Also, I'm pretty damn sick of these stupid game shows titled with rhetorical questions. They should make a new game show called "Who Wants To Avoid Pissing Me Off," a show in which contestants compete with each other to avoid pissing me off, which only pisses me off more and I end up ripping everyone a new asshole at the end of the show. Everyone is a loser on my game show.

That's wishful thinking. Snap out of that dream state you are in. We all know the only person I love is myself! I'm so fucking hot right now.

Just let the donkeys, shortbus, dogekid, and myself in the joint. We'll tear it up. Guaranteed to draw a predominantly female crowd and a packed house, especially if I come naked. Expect there to be a 13:1 female:male ratio.

That Shlonger is so hot right now!

You have way too much time on your hands. Find a hobby like insect collecting.

I'll be there in 10. Should I bring some massage oils like last time?

His life is like a tornado. You don't know which direction its moving, but the only guarantee is major structural damage.

Yea, but the rehab your going to is to help you OVERCOME something habitual. The rehab I'm talking about will yield similar results to last night.

My TGE review: Jersey Sucks. I don't know if I could keep going out in Jersey when I see the same faces every night. There is 4 billion other people out there that need to be blessed by my presence. I took care of about 3000 last night at Capitale and Bungalow 8. Here's how my night went. (you should hear some of the conversations I had last night) Get to my friend's SoHo apt. at 8. Call up Grope, and Heartbreakkid and tell them how hot I am, and how I don't know if anyone can be as on fire as I am. They naturally concur and settle to live in the large shadow cast by the shlong. 8:20 shave. 8:30 jump in shower, face wash, shampoo, then exfoliate. 8:50 admire self in mirror, kiss each bicep 50 times. 9:00 get dressed, do hair, apply oil of o'lay active hydrating beauty fluid. Grope, Heartbreakkid, and passionate come over to pregame, and discuss groping tactics and exchange secrets. 10:00 we're off. Get to Capitale 10:30, walk right in to our tables upstairs. Place is Huge. Order 3 bottles of grey goose and 2 of stoly o. Then Grope manages to "secure" another bottle of vodka. Chix scope the place to see what's available, and all stop at our table. Soo many japs, I felt like I was in lil israel. My 2 cousins show up with their group of 15 from DC, which is where the party begun. Before I know it, chix are making out with chix, then chix are making out with us, then guys want to make out with us!!! The bathroom lines, and lines in general for the place moved very slow. Then 3 inches of some liquid (I suspect a mix of alcohol, piss, and seminal fluid) fills the 3rd floor. So we leave the VIP and head downstairs where I run into a college buddy who works for Aerosmith. Now we're chilling in the Aerosmith VIP section (which had far less chix than the shlonger section). Crowd was a lil weird so we head over to Bungalow 8. My cousin and I meet 2 older females. We end up going back to their apartment where we struggle to find prophyllactics. He suggests using seran wrap and attempts it, while I settle for... That's where the story ends for you guys. On a side note, Rehab friday night, who wants in?

You definitely need to meet me. I know your friend on the left. She used to hook up with one of my friends, and I saw her at Capitale last night too. Disappointed that you weren't there to see me though. I think you were also at Supper Club 3 weeks ago??? Am I correct?

you guys are soooooooooooo behind. those numbers are so 1 year ago. there is also one for guys to give to girls.

Capitale or Anju... What are your opinions donkeys, dogekid, stacked, and riding? Just for the record, don't try and change my opinion and make me go to metro or estate (limelight) because its a non-guido night for me.

First of all, she should be asking me for my autograph. I don't want her autograph, nor do I own or intend to own the magazine. If I want to see her naked, I'd use my interpersonal skills to include you, her, and my friends (dogekid, riding, donkeys) in attempting to bring about the fruition of GROUP SEX.

well put jerry. although i did agree with the fuck promoters part, there are a select few who are unselfish and have nothing but good intentions... but most are greedy. you happen to fall in the former category. kudos to you my friend.

I think you should only wear both ties. Why? Just because. And because you're a donkey. And because you're gonna get laid whether you like it or not. And because you know me. Nuff said.

Right. I'd much rather be pumping my fists to 10,000 decibels of house music and relentless horns while guidos brush up against me causing a rip in my shirt with their arm stubble. Then again, why would that happen? Who wears shirts at the ideal club? I do, however, agree with the fuck promoters statement.

I brought it up because the whole zebra in the jungle thing was an analogy. You wanna go to war, I'll take you to war! Donkeys, round up the troops. Gotta keep her in check.

Look up the word ANALOGY in the dictionary.

Demanding us to follow, why? Thought u were afraid. I'm afraid of lions, and I don't go into the jungle riding a zebra.

Usually people who are scared avoid the cause of their phobia; they don't follow them around like a little puppy. ; )