shlonger

Kids are stupid. They're always running around with their sticky hands and filthy Star Wars toys, completely oblivious to their surroundings. Irresponsible, lazy, and worthless. I saw a kid on a Chex commercial today. The kid was laughing. Laughing because he likes the noise it makes when he eats cereal. The kid was trying to be cute and funny, but ended up being annoying and repulsive. The commercial gave me diarrhea. You know.. you're pretty much a pile of shit if you're content with living your life eating cereal and laughing at the noise it makes. Why don't these worthless kids get a job? Child labor laws--my ass. We need to make new child labor laws, forcing kids into work at an early age. If their backs don't hurt, then they aren't earning their living. I mean, kids need real jobs. None of this selling lemonade at the corner of the street bullshit that they do now. The other day, some ugly little kids were trying to sell piss-warm lemonade to people driving by. Like anyone's going to go out of their way to stop, buy some diseased sugar water with dead flies in it, just to help out a group of dirty little shits that don't have anything better to do. Not that they know what to do with the money once they get. They usually fritter it away on legos and Britney Spears albums. Speaking of Britney Spears, she blows. I also saw a Rice Crispies commercial the other day. It started out with some short, uncoordinated little shit trying to reach the Rice Crispies on the kitchen counter (I was hoping it was one of those commercials where a pot of boiling water scalds the kid; you know, the ones that are supposed to give irresponsible parents a guilt trip). But no. The kid got his rice crispies, then the MUSIC started playing. "Snap crackle pop... wake up call to the world! Snap crackle pop..." That whore. Then the kid snuck into his baby brother's room and placed the bowl of cereal right next to his head. The baby woke up and looked around. What the hell? The last thing you want is a baby that's awake. Babies are loud, stupid, and they shit all over everything. Just as the baby woke up, the door cracked open. It was the mom. She looked into the room and tilted her head, as if to say "Awwe.. isn't that cute?" NO. YOU STUPID BITCH. YOUR KID COULD HAVE BEEN SCALDED BY BOILING WATER. Pay attention next time. Damned irresponsible parents. If you're not going to supervise your little brats, then don't have kids. We have enough jackasses running around as it is, we don't need more. People tell me that I shouldn't have kids. Why? I think I'd make a great parent. My kids won't be screwed up little bastards. They'll be great, just like me. I won't tolerate failure, like all those other parents. No son of mine is going to fail. We need more winners, and less losers. If you can't cut it, then you're weak. Inferior. Worthless. A bad seed. A sour grape. What's with sour grapes anyway? Why are they considered bad? I like sour grapes, so piss off. people think I'm an asshole for hating kids (still). Violence Rules: People are always bitching about violence on TV. I recently had the misfortune of watching TV (bad idea), and now I see why they're bitching: there's not enough violence on TV! Man, everything on TV sucks. It's hard to explain how bad it is. To help you get the idea, imagine a fat, blistered, zit covered ass. Now keep that image in your head for 6 hours. That's what it's like to watch TV. Okay, that was bad, I apologize. Anyway, we need more violence on TV, because what's on now is weak. Nobody wants to watch 'Friends,' with some asshole that calls himself "Chandler" or whatever the hell his name is. That's bullshit. I say we have a show where it's just a guy that runs over people. What's that? You say that's a lame idea? Oh.. well I say "go to hell." So anyway, back to my car idea. This guy runs over people because he feels like he should give back to the community by cutting down its population. If we had a few shows like Rambo on TV all the time, things would be a lot better. All those dipshits bitching about violence having an adverse affect on youth need to pull their heads out of their ass. Violence builds character, everyone needs violence every once in a while to keep them in check. We don't want to raise a nation of wimps. I'm too tired to continue this bullshit. Jokes to play on people in the hospital! Know someone in the hospital? Do they seem low in spirit and depressed? Why not try some of these pranks to cheer them up?! Go up to someone on life support and distract them. Talk about anything: business, sports, any such useless subject matter will do. Then while they're not paying attention, unplug their life support unit! Twirl the cord in your hand with a nonchalant look on your face. Say "Oh.. I'm sorry, do you need this? I'm not going to plug it back in until you smile." Then plug it back in and say "Just kidding, HAHAH" Unplug it again and repeat. They'll die of laughter. If you're in a hospital emergency room and you see a family that's distressed over the condition of someone they brought with them, try this prank to cheer them up! First, find a white doctor's jacket and a clipboard if you can. Put the jacket on and make a serious expression on your face. Then go up to the family in the emergency room and say "I'm sorry I have to tell you this, but it doesn't look like he's going to make it.." Wait a few minutes to let it to sink in (grab a bite to eat, watch some TV). Then, if you remember, go up to the family and say "Just kidding! I'm not a doctor. HAHAH" Everyone will get a good laugh. How about some mental ward mayhem?! Try this to cheer up your insane buddies: First, stop by a gag store and buy some fake blood. Then go to see your friend in the mental ward (bring a knife). While you're talking to your friend, cover the knife in blood and drop it on the ground. Put some blood on your hand and run out into the hallway screaming "AHHH.. he slashed me!" They'll increase his supervision and won't allow him to see visitors anymore. Nobody will believe him when he says he didn't do it because he's crazy, and you two can have a good laugh together if he gets out. Fun with the dead: make a recording of some moans and thumping, or someone saying "HELP! I'm still alive!", then put the recorder in the morgue department. Leave it on play and walk away. The hospital staff will have fun for hours tracing where the sound is coming from, and they'll all get a good laugh when they finally find the recorder. Is someone you know anorexic? A good joke would be to tell them that they're fat. They'll laugh because anorexic people aren't fat. HAHAH How about some baby swapping? Always a good joke to play is swapping babies in then nursery room. When the parents find out 20 years down the line, they'll all laugh. Let me know if you try any of these pranks. Quotes That Are Ruining The World I hate quotes. People these days seem to take quotes by famous people, and make them their life mottos. That's bullshit. I'm talking about the following quotes in particular: Live life to the fullest: What a crock. I hear this one time and time again, usually from some jackass that's not willing to take responsibility for his actions. I'm sure whoever said it didn't intend for people to take it literally. By the "live life to the fullest" doctrine, people have done all sorts of stupid things. Things like experimentation with drugs, animals, and sex with furniture. Sick bastards. The bottom line is that if you try to live life to the fullest, you will die. Instantly. Stop screwing around or you will get killed. Cheaters never prosper: BULLSHIT. At least 90% of cheaters prosper. Those cheating bastards get by the system every time. There was a whore in one of my computer science classes that didn't do any assignments, failed all the exams, but still passed the class because she was sleeping around with all the TA's. It's a repeating cycle perpetuated by corrupt administration and slacker kids that aren't willing to put forth the effort it takes to pass. They should all be shot. Be happy with what you have: Basically this is saying that people shouldn't have goals. Not that they should, but c'mon. You and I know it's bullshit. If you have nothing, or nothing that makes you happy, then what? You're supposed to be happy with nothing? Bah.. sounds like shit to me. Hard work brings success: WRONG. Kissing ass and sleeping around brings success. Nobody cares how hard you work as long as you stimulate their ego. Hard work usually gets forgotten and goes unnoticed. There's always some sucker out there that's getting the raw deal in hopes of moving up. It's not going to happen, you might as well quit. Stop trying. I'm not afraid of anything: Yeah, whatever. This is usually muttered by a short dipshit with a Napoleon complex. Listen you little bitch, you're a frail little coward afraid of everything. End your campaign of arrogance and admit that you're a wuss. I'm sick of people who say they're not afraid of anything. If they truly weren't, then they'd be dead. There's nothing to fear, remember? So why don't they kill themselves and confirm their theory. Worthless.

You look at me, that's how.

What is all this habwash??? I can't believe this is the first time I'm reading this thread. Moreso, I can't believe this thread has gone through 6 pages, and there was no mention of the SHLONG as hottie of the month/year/all-time. CHRIST, I mean wtf? Maybe its because MOST of you have never seen me in my thong and miniskirt.

I'll do it... we'll make it a STINK-FACE MATCH. Loser gets the winners ass rubbed in their face like in WWE.

I think it makes you look more rugged. Either way, you still do it for me...jk But the hair definitely makes you look younger too. Lemme know what u doin this weekend.

Sucked... can't believe I wasted Crew Fiber and hair gel on that place! Not to mention a good shirt... JPDD, again, it was nice to meet me... must of been your lucky day. RS fucked up with the Red Carpet, the used Armani material, when Dogekid and I clearly stated we wanted Gucci. For that reason, I will steer clear of that place until I turn 47; that's 3 years before I go back to factory. Nice seeing all you other CP heads out there... For some a waste of a long drive, but you got to see me, so that provided some consolation.

yes, and we can't forget the rhinestones... neena, don't worry bout it, i won't be drinking either. also, guess u didn't know i am BIG TIME. ask shortbus.

On the red carpet they will roll out for me

riggs... i think we should brawl anyway, the damage has been done...jk no u haven't met dogekid, but i'm sure u've seen him out at djais or surf. he was my neighbor in belmar. this is really too funny, had u posted your pic, i would've kept fucking with u til i ran into u then i woulda told u i was shlonger. u shoulda done the same...lol who r these donkeys? yea, we should definitely meet up one of the upcoming weekends. who r u goin to roxy with?

U mean riggs who's friends with schott, merv, and craig? if thats you...lmao Won't be talkin to mike for a lil while, i think you know why.

maybe this will work, heres a link: http://bbs.clubplanet.com/showthread.php?threadid=100745&perpage=15&pagenumber=17 stardo, u can post whichever pic you have.

I'll take the initiative since you are too much of a pussy to put yours up first. Here it is tough guy: Ok, i'm having trouble posting my pic...how do i do it???

1. I'm probably younger than you.,... just more experienced. Your new to the game. I'm Michael Jordan, and you're on your high school JV team. 2. Who spends more time behind a comp screen, you or me? How many posts do u have? and what's your average number of posts daily. Cybergeek 3. I don't know if its the drugs or what? You still are incapable of understanding simple english. Is it your second language. Maybe hanging out with the donkeys, you've picked up the spanish lingo, and since your cranial capacity is limited, you compensate for this new learned info by forgetting something else; in this case english. 4. Dogekid was at factory til 3 pm... i doubt u got there after that. We know you were foaming at the mouth just thinking about getting there to down a few hallucinogens or tranquilizers. 5. I will be at Suite 16 tomorrow night. You want to settle this, come there. Its on the corner of 16th and 8th. Now lets see who's Mr. all bark and no bite. I can smell your yeast infection from here.

Jerkoff, your inability to comprehend posts has left me surprised. I thought you, even with your shortageof brain cells, would at least be able to understand simple english. I stated 8 pm so that you would be able to make it to roxy to do your designer drugs and whathaveyou. You right, Roxy is not on my list of classy joints. I worked the door there in 98 for the Big Fridays party... where were you then? Anyone on this board can justify that it is not as good as it used to be back then either; at least anyone with a brain. Keep going to your rookie establishments which are only in business based on their reputation of yesterday as well as their leniency on drug use/abuse. Very classy I would say. Speaking of dogekid, did u meet him... your still alive, so I would say no you didn't. So even if I went to cheesy factory, you wouldn't have had the displeasure of running into my blazing fists of fury (no pun intended). Come into the city a little earlier. Tell me where to meet you, and I'll be there. I will not ruin my night of hanging out with gorgeous girls who wouldn't even let you smell their panties, to beat on a defenseless punching bag/pussy like you. Go back to your toolbox and fuck off TOOL.

Your mexican... you have a large (quantity) family. I just wouldn't classify any of you as huge.

Is that any way to talk to your idol? Why do I have to come to u rookie? Your the cyber tough guy... insisiting on continuing this battle in person. And since we'll both be in the city on thursday, why don't you meet me on the corner of Spring and Thompson at 8p.m. That way you can still make it to Roxy on time... that's if the surgeons work quick enough. Or you can call in sick tomorrow, and catch me at your house while I take my daily "lunch break". Otherwise, shut your hole and continue going about your sorry ass life. You're a load that should've been swallowed.

I asked, but she said that MY BALLS have been a fixture in your house for 23 years now, so she won't let me.

Dude, lay off the crackpipe, or whatever else it is you use. I told u before I will not be going back to factory until i'm 50. I dominated that place for 3 years when i was 18-21 w/o chemical assistance. In the 3 years since I've been there, I've broadened my horizons, and discovered the trendy scene in the city. I've been slowly, but surely, regressing as a guido, and will continue to do so. Factory is for kids. Not what it used to be. No energy. Ugly crowd. It sucks, and so do you. -Your Idol

Siciliagirl, how about... NO! Getting too close to you is like putting a zebra in front of a lion (me being the zebra in this analogy).(donkey's should note the proper grammar in the use of the words too and to) You undergoing sensory overload will definitely be an effect of my presence. For both your safety, and more importantly mine, I think we should keep our distance (at least 500 yards at all times). Hunnie... Bring it! I'm gonna hunt me some donkeys this weekend.

Oh, and my father said she wasn't.

Off topic, but my grandfather always told me that: "All girls are hoes, except your mother... then again, go ask your father." He also said "Treat a whore like a princess, and a princess like a whore". I agree, guess I was a born asshole. (JK about the whole post)

Listen up Rico, Your posts are becoming a bit of an annoyance. After I sent you a pm with nothing but praise, you choose to start w/me. You want to go to War, I'll take you to War. Problem is, I have already contacted INS about you, so its only a matter of time before you join Pedro, Julio and the rest of the Vatos Locos in Mexico City harvesting your farm with coffee beans and corn, riding your mule/mother into town to pick up Arroz con Pollo and Papas Fritas for the other 30 family and non-family members living in your shed. Funny thing is, the combined height of all of you still makes you an inch shorter than me. When you somehow sneak your way back into this country, meet up with me at Bungalow 8, u know where your cousin Hector sweeps the floors, and I'll buy you some Dos Equis or Tequila. Wait, will your raft survive the rough waters of the atlantic?

what if I wear your panties?

Turn the volume down BOY! I'll bring my car down to the carwash and have your mexican ass wax that shit while I piss on your leg, and dogekid lays pipe in the donkeywhore while blasting your precious Venga Boys. Then I'll beat the fuck out of you and make you hit a pitch that'll make Menudo jealous you fuckin wetback spic bastard. Go back to your 3rd world country, make a taco or burrito for lunch, then get back to earning your $3.25/ hr. salary as a lettuce picker. By the way, I think I saw your dad on a street corner in paterson waiting to get picked up for a new job. Now go fuck off, or get trapped in a mudslide or whatever natural disasters that happen to affect your sorry ass country.

don't know fury... you better be bruce lee talkin to me like that.