shlonger

No tempkid, I never convert. I have the donkey's back though. Grope is stuck in his corporate cage 120 hours a week working on deals. His job has become very demanding since his promotion (June). Monsterguido is working abroad for about 2 more months. I don't know the reasons for fleximus and cyphead, but then again, I took a hiatus from this board for 3 or 4 months myself. They'll be back. My question is what happened to our enemies: JoeyCarbone, Nabuc1, JohnnyBlackRock, etc...

1. Listen hun, I like the acid-face melting. Shows me ambition and creativity. Now, to force them to eat their kids, I have a mouth vice to keep it opened, and a tongue clamp to keep it down. But your ideas are juvenile and show me that you are a rookie at this. There is no need to use force when you can just brainwash them to think their kids are an ice cream sundae with walnuts. 2. Dumping the bodies in the lake is soooo cliche. This is not hollywood. I have a pool/piranha pit in my backward. We throw them in there, collect the bones, and then throw the bones in the acid you previously mentioned. No evidence to trace or perform DNA testing on. In 5 years, it will just be an unsolved mystery, and you will never be suspected of homicide. We can also have fun with it, like making their bodies hollow, filling them up with kool aid, and then use them as punching bags. The Kool Aid gives the realistic affect of gushing blood. We can wear their faces as masks next year at Hunka Bunka's halloween party. Oh, I have sooo many ideas. We'll discuss them at a later date... but remember, no landline phones.

What's Visa's slogan? Accepted everywhere... Wrong Bitch, not accepted by the shlong. Paypal or cash only. Trewguy, that bitch is not directed at you. Its there for dramatic affect

With that, you get the extended family discount. That'll be 250 even, excluding the squirrel. Now, the squirrel is quite tricky. You have many options. Do I have to catch him? If yes, that's another 5 bucks. Do you want me to skin him? Another 10, and if you want me to cook him, that's free as long as I get a drumstick.

I thought of a way to make a little extra money the other day since I blew all my money on birth control for KostaP(who I've been zapping in the crotch with a microwave gun for the last three months to make sure that he doesn't raise more morons like himself). So being the ass kicking superhero that I am, I've decided to start a new service on this site: I will kick your ass for $25. That's right, for a limited time only I'm offering to beat the shit out of you for the super low introductory rate of $25. I accept PayPal or cash only (you are responsible for all meals and transportation). For an extra $25, I'll kick your neighbor's ass and beat their pets. Women and children will also cost an additional $5 because I have to put up with constant bitching. If you live in a highrise with kids, I'll give you a $5 discount because I can toss your kids through the window. Here's a typical scenario I created: Donkeyboy: Riding, Kosta shit himself again. Kosta: Sorry, I couldn't hold it any longer. The donkeys instill fear in me. Riding: Its time to call Shonger, the ass beating practitioner. Shlonger comes over and proceeds to beat the shit out of KostaP by breaking a 2x4 over each toe and finger, then strapping him face down on the bottom of my car as I take speed bumps at 90mph through the pathmark parking lot. Donkeyboy: Thanks for beating the shit out of Kosta, Shlonger. Shlonger: DB, this one's on me buddy... Hey Kosta, Go fuck yourself (simultaneously raising my middle finger).

Stardo, you are right... Anyway, my night turned out to be pretty good with the exception of this episode. Ended up at Lot61 where I was instantly greeted by my fans and everyone else trying to get a piece of the action. DOES ANYONE WORK ANYMORE? Fucking service industry... I need a trust fund.

They need to meet me. I'm off to the Tribeca Grande Hotel, won't be making it to work tomorrow because my priorities are in order. Got this invite to Puffy's party at Supper Club tonite, but its black tie, so fuck it. Someone's gonna GIT IT tonite. Does anyone know where I can sell a lung, and what the street value is? Maybe ebay, or black market??? Notallthere, I expect you to know.

why, r u having car trouble??? jk... we all know u meant to say AA.

Tis true. I do not rule with a queen. She would only serve as a speed bump. When I need to release, I call upon a member of my harem. Wow, I just stimulated a new idea for a thread: Shlongers pick for new harem member of the month... Ladies pm me for consideration. I need a full length picture of you and your sisters, if applicable, for each of the last five years. Then I need a headshot, current measurements, and special talents (such as being able to lick my balls while I am doing u doggy style). Also, I need pictures of your mom when she was 20, 30, and 40 just to make sure the beauty (or lack thereof) is hereditary, and not a genetic mutation. Brains are optional.

Me.... because I rule, but here is the final tally: 1. Shlonger 2. Shlonger 3. Shlonger 4. Shlonger 5. Shlonger 6. (Tie) Riding, Dogekid, Professional 22 and Donkeyboy.

Riding, donkeyboy.... I expect input and replies today. I can't do this solo, actually I can, but its no fun.

Yes Brian, I love a dictatorship. Good job, keep it up.

Riding, you being the CEG (Chief Executive Guido as my friend Grope would say) of SFC, and me being, well me, I think our first topic of discussion should be a 2003 calander. Then we'll work on SFC TV, and a dating gameshow. In the gameshow, girls will get a chance to compete for dates with the aforementioned guidos, and myself (since I'm NOT a guido). Now we need to find a venue large enough to fit the prospective contestants; I'm thinking Giant's stadium, and its parking lot. You, being founder of SFC need to step up and take charge. Set the rules... If I were CEG, things would be different. Here are some ideas: First of all, I'd get rid of all formal traditions during meetings. Nobody wants to hear some fat bastard kissing everyone's ass for an hour or two. Let's cut the bullshit and get to the point. Voting would take place quickly and often. Example: "Who votes Ellen Degeneris is a stupid piece of shit?" Everyone raises their hand, and it's over. None of this "yay" and "nay" bullshit they have now. Also, no bald, ugly people with goofy-ass smiles are allowed in SFC. I'm sick of seeing people that look like child molestors (like KostaP). What the hell? These guys are supposed to work and contribute, not to sit there and be ugly? Please. Disputes that last over ten minutes shall be settled by catapult. Both parties in the debate will be strapped to a catapult and launched down a mountain. Whichever party survives, if any, will be declared the winner of the argument. Anyone that objects to any rule we pass will also be subject to the catapult. No vegetarians are allowed in SFC. They obviously don't know what's good for them, so we don't want them making decisions for anyone. No old people, hermits, hippies, gothics, hicks, or mimes period. Everyone will address us (you, dogekid, myself, donkeyboy and anyone else we deem as reaching nirvana) as "Command Master Chief" or "Supreme king ruler, who I am indebted to for the privilege of existence." Everyone will compliment us on our manly physique, boyish charm, unbelievable good looks, and muscular man-boobs. Bicep kissing will become a gesture of respect and/or empathy. Instead of kissing our pinky rings, kiss our bicep peak. Fist pumps will become mandatory, and our "hold-on" phone music will be a live feed from Sound Factory or Mexico City. More to come...

Tell the guy about your queefing. That'll do the trick. If its a jewish guy, strike up convo, then tell him "he had you at shalom". If he's not jewish, and he's wearing a cross, point to the cross, then ask him if he's jewish. Grab his hand, tell him you're a palm reader, then tell him whatever creative thing you can come up with; I came up with this at Supper Club on Saturday, and it was a hit (or maybe I'm just too damn good looking). Go up to a guy, then say "You need to meet me". Tap a guy on the shoulder as he passes by, when he looks at you, point to a friend, or yourself. Either way, its a good icebreaker. If a guy is trying to pass you, step in front of him, but face him without acknowledging him, when he moves left, you move right, and when he moves right, you move left. It works well, when you start flailing your arms and yell something like, C'mon Sicilia, Sicilia, we have to go. Those are all the secrets I can let you in on, otherwise, too many copycats will be running around parroting and spreading my secrets to succ-sex.

you really want me to give you a lashing... i think not. i'm gonna bite my tongue on this one, before i am blamed for peoples' complexes and/or therapy.

and what.... that's exactly what i think about it. if i thought any more about it, then i would've typed it out. christ, is it that hard to follow this thread????

overused cliche

First, I'd make everyone dress up like pirates (because pirates rule so much), and I'd have robots do everything (except for the work my slaves do; they'll be doing something pointless like trying to save the whales or something to that effect to keep them busy). Then I'd put all nuclear waste in Alabama (since the water there is already contaminated; how else can you explain all the birth defects? Inbreeding? Oh wait.. nevermind). Then I'd pass a law that made it mandatory for everyone to vote for me in every election, which they would probably do anyway because I'm so hot, but just as insurance (so I'd always win, bwahaha). They could, however, vote for someone else, as long as I knew who it was so I could bribe them ahead of time. Every once in a while I might fix the votes so it looked like it was a close election, but then I'd always win (because I'd pass a law saying so) to give people false hopes. Next, I'd take all the toys and candy in the world and put it in my pure ivory palace (I don't know what it is about endangered species that makes such great furniture), and I'd play with them all by myself, until I got bored five minutes later and burned them in front of all the kids I took them away from. I'd also take down all the TV and Radio stations and put up just one instead. I'd call it the "Submit to me or I will burn your house down and destroy your family" channel, or STMOIWBYHDADYF for short. It would play my brainwashing tapes for at least 25 hours a day (directed by environmentalists, since they're so good at brainwashing), and shameless propaganda for the other two hours. Oh yeah, days now have 27 hours because I said so. I'd do irrational things like make it illegal to go swimming on certain days, like it is now in Utah, and censor all forms of self expression by making freedom of speech (especially pornography) illegal, so conservative parents can go to video stores without being burdened by supervising their children. I'd make a holiday to exploit love, and make people buy silly little cards and boxes of candy to express their feelings for loved ones, except Valentine's day is already taken. I'd make my birthday a universal holiday and make everyone pay me a "privelage to be ruled" tax. With the money, I'd do something really pointless like found an organization that helped people who didn't need help, just to play with the minds of the low in spirit and poor. I'd open a telemarketing agency, and employ skilled workers for peanuts and let a few incompetent high school graduates run the company, and I'd instruct them to give everyone that knows what they're doing a hard time. I'd cut corners every chance I get and expect miracles to be performed with mere office supplies. d'I ekam enoyreve etirw sdrawkcab. I'd chanj the way werds were spelld. Then I'd change them back. I'd set France on fire (with the mimes still in it), and then I'd laugh. I'd laugh and laugh, like it was funny, much unlike Gilbert Gottfried. I'd have so much fun as ruler of the universe, I might get carried away and have sex with a 21 year old intern. But that would be irresponsible for a leader to do, wouldn't it? People think I should be ruler of the universe.

Depends on how many bottles you buy... but lets put it this way, I was there for 5 days and spent 2200, and I don't drink, but still contributed to the nightly bill because I'd be feeding drinks to the hot pieces of ass giving me bedroom eyes. I think we averaged about 8 bottles a night, but also, some of the guys were cheap or couldn't afford to do the VIP thing during the trip, so we took care of them. Oh, yea, and the Silver Guy puts on a great show. He'll come out every night to a song called "dance with the devil" at Enigma and Palladium... I watched and performed a copycat performance in our hotel pool every time the poolside DJ played the song. We ended up chilling with him, and he came and visited us when he came to NYC in June. His name is Benji. Let me know a month before you leave, I'll contact him and see if he can do anything for you. If I had a scanner, I'd send you pictures and show you what Acapulco was about.

I'm a sexy bitch...

I just got back in from VOCE, and let me just tell you my experience. I had to use the lavatory, so I went. I walk in, look to my right, and I see this beautiful guy who would make me think about turning homo for a day. Shell-shocked, my mouth drops, and nothing comes out of it (except for that drool Sicilia was talking about). My heart rate rises, breathing becomes rapid and heavy... I look at him, and naturally, he has the same look on his face. Then I realized it was just my reflection, so I kissed my bicep, took a leak, washed my hands (w/soap), kissed my bicep again, then left. PS I will post a thread with this same title every day for the rest of your CP existence.

I've been to both Cancun and Acapulco, and I'll tell you that Acapulco's nightlife blows away cancun. I, like almost everyone else thought La Boom was awesome, but it doesn't compare to Enigma and Palladium in Acapulco. During the day we would jet ski and perfect our tans. At night, you have to get a booth whichever place you choose, but all you need to know, is that Enigma and/or Palladium are where u should be every night. Don't waste your time with El Alibrije, but Andromedas is pretty phat. I french kissed one of their mermaids, and Badass, I didn't do 7 girls in 7 days, but 5 in 5 isn't bad. We had a fun hotel, met a sorority from Ole Miss (Renee), Univ of Texas (Melissa), Univ of FL (forgot), U of Kansas (Erin), Iowa St (ahh Rachel from the Iowa St. Dance team), and a lot of other chics from middle america, turned what was a relaxing vacation for them, into debauchery, and basically left our mark on Acapulco. The best part of it is that there are very little people from the coasts, so you get the naive, impressionable chics from Tennessee and Kentucky, who are willing to bring to the fruition of Group Sex. Oh, and if that doesn't work out, you can always go to the strip club, where the strength of the USD will take you a long way. What week are you going? Be careful you don't go during Mexican Week. I went Feb 28- March 4, caught the end of one spring break, and the beginning of another, and as we were checking out, 1 bus filled with the entire population of Mexico pulled up to check in. This year, its Carnival in Brazil for me.

I was 8, and the babysitter told me to just relax, and it was gonna feel weird at first, but then I'll reach "climax" and love it. Not knowing what climax was, I wanted to broaden my horizons. After I nutted, I asked him what that white stuff leaking out of his mouth was.

After reminiscing over recent events and pictures of myself, I had that proud feeling again, so I decided to get on here and express what I feel. Here goes: It was my honor to let you meet me. I'm The Infantile Center of the Universe. I'm better than everyone. I kick ass at everything. The other day, someone cut me off on the parkway, so I sped up beside him and I rammed him off the road. Nobody is as good as I am. Some people think I'm conceited. Oh well. All my friends think I'm better than they are. Sometimes my friends ask, "So how come you rule so much?" Yesterday, I decided to play basketball, but I suck at basketball, so I lost. Just kidding, I kicked everyone's ass because I'm the best. I own everyone at everything. There's no use in trying to be as good as me because it's impossible. There aren't enough words to describe how good I am. THE UNIVERSE REVOLVES AROUND ME. I AM KING. Everyone wishes they were me. EVERYONE! If I weren't me, I'd wish I was. I love me. Yours truly, Perfection

an e-mail that was sent to me... there's a website for this guy, but i'll get it to you later. I don't know it off the top of my head. Also, u might have received an e-mail of pictures drawn by little kids, which in turn, are critiqued by this same guy. One of the funniest e-mails i've ever read. I'll forward that to you. PM me your e-mail add.