shlonger

I nominate myself

Yes, its a tossup... if not enough people come to dogekid's crib, then AC is the destination. I was supposed to be there now, but decided to hold off until after metro. Anyone who would like to go, lemme know ASAP because I need to confirm the suites.

Badass, u still want me to make bobbydigital bite the curb tomorrow?

What's up dawg??? Yea Retro Shlongro tomorrow. Any plans of a repeat of last weeks post-metro recreation? I want in... FRUITION OF GROUP SEX, Badass.... it's what its all about, and CHIX.

Noone asked you to read anything, so go fuck yourself. This thread is actually very amusing, and just because it doesn't captivate your interest like a cum guzzling contest would, doesn't mean you can go off popping your mouth on MY board. Go watch your doppler, or do something productive with your life. In the lab I work at, we're always looking for guinea pigs for our cancer research... sounds like an opportunity you shouldn't let pass- - you miserable fuck!

For clarification purposes, I'm the professional gambler/future MD (once I kick the habit). Grope, Brunch at Felix with Mona and Nikki on sunday. Nikki's been yearning for you, you down???

Why would I be jealous of you? Because I have to wait 42 years to withdraw my IRA without being penalized, and you can do so next month?

We are having a corporate dinner and movie tonite. I've taken the liberty of ordering everyone's movie tickets from fandango.com, except for yours. This is where there is a conundrum. Should I get you the senior citizen ticket? POW, OOOH, OUCH!!!

Priorities Bitch. Step into my office... why? CUZ YOU'RE FUCKING FIRED!

Bitch, you best be on yo way to my house with a shovel or a snow blower. Like I stated in the other post, u must be wearing a leotard. If you're not here in 15, I'm gonna make you do it without tools. Not good to slack on your first day. Angelicious, was this bitch referred by you? The shit just hit the fan.

Stop with that insolent, atheist tone honey. You've crossed your boundaries with a question to the almighty. My friends call me -EST because that's the suffix that they always attach to any positive adjective describing me. Shlonger's tough, no shlonger's the toughest; Shlonger's smart, no shlonger's the smartest, etc, etc.

get your ass on IM buddy.

Is this mochi chic worthy enough to meet me?

Actually, I'm taking the leer jet to Prague today, so that's off limits. Dogekid, what'd I tell you about the jet. Just because we own it, doesn't mean you can put crazy miles on it. You're treating a 25 million dollar plane like its a toy, or one of your rentals (which always end up broken). Careful buddy!

triple post... this server sucks mods!!!! i keep trying to edit my post. it repeats itself, and i can't edit it. do something about this soon, or you will feel my wrath. NEENA!!!

Dear Somegirl24, Welcome aboard Hoe! Get used to being acknowledged or referred to in equally or more degrading terms. Appropriate female attire on business days is a leotard, unless, as dogekid mentioned, you miss a day, in which case, you come in wearing only ANKLE socks on your hands. I can't emphasize ANKLE socks enough (Note: NOT TUBE socks). On holidays, you are allowed to dress as a fench maid. NO JACKETS, NO EXCEPTIONS. Oh your leotard is at the cleaners, you better have a large selection of ankle socks missy. Your medical coverage includes ONLY seminal overdose and silicone bags. A minimum of a perky D-Cup is required throughout the term of your employment. Your position entails making sure that we abide by our creed (listed below). If we burn more than 10 calories throughout the week, we are working overtime, ergo, you are not doing your job. In turn, heads will roll. GV, Inc. Creed (only applicable to the highest position holders): 1. Never do anything. If you wait around long enough, someone else will do it. 2. Don't move. Moving is overrated. 3. Never run. Running is the worst thing you can do. I had to run once.. BIG mistake. 4. If something is not in your reach, you don't need it. Before you get up to get something across the room next time, think: Do you really want to get up and walk all the way there and all the way back to get it? Yeah, I know. I felt stupid for moving all those times. 5. Don't have an opinion. Opinions are thoughts, and thoughts are work. 6. Don't work. Working is for suckers. Be a CEO if you can, they never do anything. 7. If you have to move, fuss about it. Make it well known that you're pissed off because you have to move. Sigh a lot. Drag your feet and arch your back at 60 degrees (bad posture helps you to conform to the shapes of couches when you sit down, and it makes you look tired). 8. Sleep as much as you can. Contrary to common sense and popular belief, sleeping is very productive. People sometimes confuse sleeping for my job because I do so much of it. 9. Don't talk. Talking requires the movement of your jaw... way too much work. 10. If you have to work, do a half-assed job at it. Example: If you have to rake leaves, push them out into the road or into your neighbor's yard. If you have a riding lawn mower, run over them a few times until the pieces are small enough to hide in between blades of grass. I have more rules, but this is taking more effort than I thought. I'll update this later... if I'm not too tired. I spend hours a day sitting around on my ass.

double post sorry

Who's in love with who? I'm not the one complaining about a lack of attention. Also, I never said I don't dance, I just don't like it. I have more soul than FOOTLOCKER. I bust them dope moves son. I won 3 breakdance championships from 5-8 grade, and have also been known to cut up some carpet at ballrooms along the eastern seaboard. I know many styles including Pachata (sp?), Merengue, Salsa, hip hop, fist-pumping, etc... I am a multi-cultural dancer. I JUST DON'T LIKE IT.

I've always hated dancing. When I was in high school, junior high, and elementary school, I hated dancing. Ever since I could remember, I hated dancing. I'm sure I even hated dancing when I was in my mother's womb. I hate everything about it. I hate it how a song can transform people into simple-minded doddering oafs, dancing about a loud, filthy room in costumes or suits, trying to woo the opposite sex with funky pelvic gyrations. Anyone that likes dancing should be caned a good 20 or 30 thousand times. That'll teach them not to have self-induced seizures any more (or at least not in the presence of music). What ever happened to the 70's? I wish it were the 70's again, because everything sucked and nobody complained. The 80's sucked too. What the hell was Alf about? What a stupid idea for a TV show. Alf, and Small Wonder, with that damned little girl that was supposed to be a robot. Her and her stupid little brother. I hated him. That fat little jerk. I hated Punky Brewster too. Her shoes sucked, her fake dad Henry sucked, and her dog sucked. The only good dogs were Brain from Inspector Gadget and the hell hound from Clash of the Titans. The hell hound from Clash of the Titans isn't cool anymore though, because that damned TBS played the movie too much. So now we have a legion of posers that like the hell hound, when all they really like is that other crap TBS plays, like Saved by the Bell. I hate Saved by the Bell. Screech was the only remotely tolerable character on the show, but only because it was fun to imagine stomping his head in every time he was on the show. And then one of the girls from Saved by the Bell went on to work in the movie Show Girls, only to be looked down upon by feminists (femi-nazis) because they shriek and moan about pornography being degrading to women. Obviously, stripping down times. That'll teach them not to have self-induced seizures any more (or at least not in the presence of music). What ever happened to the 70's? I wish it were the 70's again, because everything sucked and nobody complained. The 80's sucked too. What the hell was Alf about? What a stupid idea for a TV show. Alf, and Small Wonder, with that damned little girl that was supposed to be a robot. Her and her stupid little brother. I hated him. That fat little jerk. I hated Punky Brewster too. Her shoes sucked, her fake dad Henry sucked, and her dog sucked. The only good dogs were Brain from Inspector Gadget and the hell hound from Clash of the Titans. The hell hound from Clash of the Titans isn't cool anymore though, because that damned TBS played the movie too much. So now we have a legion of posers that like the hell hound, when all they really like is that other crap TBS plays, like Saved by the Bell. I hate Saved by the Bell. Screech was the only remotely tolerable character on the show, but only because it was fun to imagine stomping his head in every time he was on the show. And then one of the girls from Saved by the Bell went on to work in the movie Show Girls, only to be looked down upon by feminists (femi-nazis) because they shriek and moan about pornography being degrading to women. Obviously, stripping down for a bunch of horny people in a bar isn't degrading enough, because women still do it. Why do they do it? For the money. So the statement "pornography is degrading to women" isn't a true statement because it's only degrading to the women saying it, not to the women that strip in clubs. I think if the feminist movement wants to gain some credibility, it has to be universal and much more organized. I read in a news paper a long time ago about some guy that worked at a local Taco Bell that got killed when the bean cooker exploded. What a stupid way to die. I'm glad he's dead. More air for me. It's also one less person serving Taco Bell trash that I have to worry about. I hate Taco Bell. I want to eat that stupid little dog on the commercials.

Our employee referral and signing bonuses are unparallelled. The referrer and the referred get to do shots of protein plasma donated by our staff. Besides the added perks of working alongside some of the most inquisitve, influential, and physically superior beings on the planet (dogekid, riding, donkeys, stacked, and myself), what more can you ask for. Angelicious, remember when we made you get down on all fours wearing nothing but a g-string and a dartboard around your neck, while we heaved darts and balloons filled with boiling water at you... that was fun. Ahhh, the good ol' days.

I was in the bathroom today and walked up to a urinal, and started to do my duty. Then some guy comes up to the urinal next to me, and all of a sudden he started talking to me! There's nothing worse than a mid-stream conversation in a bathroom. There's just something unsettling about talking to another guy while your unit is exposed. It's just not right. So there I am. He's standing there, talking to me while I take a piss. The worst part of it is that I know he was trying to sneak a peak, then again when I'm standing next to him, who can blame him. Anyway, I'm way too insecure to be talking to another guy while he's holding his lizard. What did he have to say that couldn't wait until we were washing our hands to tell me? More of the same old bullshit: "Hey, how's it going.." "It's cold outside.." "My wife's due in September." You know, all the filler stuff people say to help them forget their miserable lives. After the incident, I rushed home and scrubbed myself with steel wool and turpentine. I didn't want any warts or anything (you never can be too careful if you talk to another guy while he's holding his lizard). While I'm at it, I must say, looking at a guy's monkey while he's taking a leak should be universal grounds for kicking someone's ass. Any cases of assault taken to court for the matter should be immediately dismissed. If you take a peak, you get your ass kicked. That's just something you don't do. Also, I'd just like to say that sitting down to pee makes you less of a man. People have had my foot planted up their asses for talking to me mid-stream.

Not only did she do it, umm umm... she did it. The girls a freaking contortionist man. I'll post my thoughts on bullshit equality/gender equality, and saved by the fucking bell tomorrow. I've got a lot to say, and i think i might piss off a few of you, especially Mr. Saved by the bell himself, thehype.

Angelicious is a temp to perm right now. Somegirl, if u can lick my scrotum while I give it to you doggy style, then you're in.

what up ml2k1?

Dude, what are you saying??? I'm going to give you til tomorrow morning to retract that statement... Or else!