rizzo Posted May 8 Report Share Posted May 8 Before I leave for more work to Europe, I'd like to share with you my recent adventure out to Long Island to study the species that resides there. Since I wanted to experience the full Long Island Trash experience I took the ever so popular L.I.R.R and was on my way. I took my digital camera, 200 bucks, and a friend along for the expedition. This is all REAL and un-EDITED. We even ran into some Club Planent members who make special cameo's. My Journal. Enjoy.11:00 am - We hop on the LIRR an already can smell cheap Curve cologne in the seats. As we sit down ready for the journey. Tyson already feels uncomfortable about our trip. Sitting next to us is David Stein. He works the isles at the local drug store in Great Neck. Unfortunatly for us, David had to list the most popular gel's, and self tanners the LI scumbags purchased. We couldnt listen to David's rambling on how they can spike their giant mellons in 150 different ways using Pomade or L.A Looks and had to hang him by his braids from the over head suitcase rack. 11:15 am - I get a call on my cell phone from none other then Atomic Apples. When I told him we already left for our adventure it was all over. Atomicapples pulled a Dragonball Z pissed off mode and just went off on us. I offered him some Oolong Tea I left in the top shelf to calm down but Apples wanted to join us on our journey. I havent spoke to him since that.12:15 pm - We get off the train just in time for lunch. As we walk down we need to find someone to ask for directions to a local coffee shop or something. Lucky for us Jebediah the Great Neck bum/pedophile was there to help us. After having to tip him 50 bucks, a rolex watch, and season tickets to the New York Knicks (rich ass greedy Long Island trash) he finally gave us the info to a local starbucks. Jeb tried to bargan us into the newest 8mm film he had of girly for a meesly 25 bucks but we kindly refused.12:20 pm - To our suprise Jeb lead us to some near by LI teen soccer match. With rich hot MILFS sitting in the bleachers, and their little pre-pubecent sons running around like morons we really got annoyed. It got worse. For some strange fucking reason the Mascot of the home team "The Long Island Stock Brokers" detected that we were foreigners to the terretory. Mr Peanut thought it would be funny to chase us around Great Neck with his dick hanging out giggling. I finally got fed up of Mr Peanuts antics and pushed him blindsighted into a Mercedez Benz G Class.12:30 pm - We were now in some woodland area of Great Neck and pissed off. All we wanted was a cup of coffee and some grub. To make things worse we stumble upon the Three man E-Thug Jewish crew. From left to right Ira "Fourfingers" Goldberg, Mel "The Fist" Berkowitz, and Adam "Stop Right There" Shultz. After they kept asking us for "herb" and reciting the new eminem lyrics over and over to us, Tyson got tired of the Bat Mitzvah Trio and knocked Ira un-concious with a log as the others ran off home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rizzo Posted May 8 Author Report Share Posted May 8 *Meanwhile back in NYC*Club Planet members get a new email notifing them of Johnny Vicious's new party @ Culture Club. As you can see they are all extatic.1:00 pm - Tyson remembered that Roninmess's good friend "Crom" lived around here as we narrowed down street names. We knocked on Crom's door to find his mother opening it up. She said Crom was downstairs in the laundry room. Upon looking at Crom I almost began to throw up but held my composure. We asked Crom for directions to the nearest Starbucks but all he replied with was "How Roninmess" "How Ronin" "Ronin Good?" and then nagged us for 10 minuets if we wanted our clothes washed. We knew Crom was another Long Island piece of trash who was trying to play us NYC'ers as fools. So as Tyson held his mouth open I dumped a box of TIDE into his mouth and made him wash it down with Oxi Clean. So much for Crom.1:30 pm - We start to see civilization and know we are near some sort of food store. Upon passing a house we see a few left over kegs laying on the grass. We thought maybe the people inside would be normal and help us out. Boy we were wrong. The door was left open pretty much and we walked in. We could hear crappy banjo's and kazoo's being played in the background. As we walk further its non other then Bigpoppanils sleeping over from Staten Island, klog dancing to Raffi's Children Themes. He was glad we dropped in and wanted to show us his new two step move to the groove "Baby Balooga". I got so pissed of at Bigpoppa and his ghey dancing that I grabbed the raffi vinyl record and flung it like a frisbee at his adams apple. After it was slashed open and he was on his knees bleeding to deth Tyson calmly removed his clogs and beat him over the head a few dozen times.1:36 pm - We walk upstairs to hear even worse music. Tyson looks at me and says "is that ..... it cant be...is it ANTS MARCHING??" ... I pause to listen , and to my suprise its that god awful Dave Mathews Band. We kick open the door to find Quoth's brother trying to jam to DMB. My stomach started to turn as I watched his sausage like fingers banging away on that guitar. He then stuck out his tounge to show us the tab of acid he took. That was the final straw. Tyson unplugged his amp, thew it at his CPU, while i ripped the guitar out of his sappy hands and proceeded to slug him about 5 times across the grill; Bernie Williams style. After the two LI queers were left on the floor we forgot to ask for directions. Shucks.1:45 pm - Finally! After trecking 3 miles we see a large court with a pharmacy and STARBUCKS! Eureeka! We pick up our pace and finally make it to the front doors. As we get in we hear the song Derb a few tables away from us. I look over and see the most horrible sight today. Three Long Island rejects who just got back from Roxy were flexing, styling their hair, and commenting on the tightness of their new Fruit of the Loom wifebeaters thru the reflection of the glass in the store!!! Stay tuned till next time to see what happened to the Hardcore Starbucks Crew as little battery power is left in the camera and as journal comes to a close. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
£ddie Posted May 8 Report Share Posted May 8 LMAO!!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girly Posted May 8 Report Share Posted May 8 omg haaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaa holy shit, Rizz thanks so much I swear i needed a smile put on my face for the day. u got some talent hun with the stories and such. keep it up. Best entertainment on CP so far:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siceone Posted May 8 Report Share Posted May 8 christ that was involved Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuturephunk Posted May 8 Report Share Posted May 8 . . . I laughed . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronin Posted May 8 Report Share Posted May 8 :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeg Posted May 8 Report Share Posted May 8 Originally posted by siceone christ that was involved lol, yeah seriously... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felix_Leiter Posted May 8 Report Share Posted May 8 omg :laugh: :laugh: 2 thumbs up....way up.cp heads getting excited over johnny vicious - lolololololololol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girly Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 *BUMP* for Rizzos effort Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gqraver Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 Pretty funny, but I can't see the pics. What's up with the pics not showing?peace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zlatang Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 he makes my day...this post was insanely good...rizzo you should become a professional club-critic.... :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piefesces Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 yeh wtf...i cant see the pics..how i fix this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rizzo Posted May 9 Author Report Share Posted May 9 fixed the broken links for those who couldnt get the full experience.time to hit the airport to goto Italy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nycmuzik Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 This is too funny.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msoprano Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 :laugh: :laugh: fucking classic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zlatang Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 the roxy-rejects...gawd they are funny!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintron Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 DERB!!!!!! LOL!!!! Funniest thread of the year. Props, Rizzo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonStephen Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 Def. one of the funniest threads I have read.Keep up the good work, and keep rippen on peeps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hugepiece Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 derb sux? i thought he was cool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sexxyh Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 ~ good job.........a few things were illogical but overall funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghhhhhost Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 def. funny shit..too bad i cant c the pics Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chadc Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 :laugh: have fun in Milan fruitcake, call me when you get back Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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