mala Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 What do you ladies and gents think about women changing their last names after getting married? I'm interested to see if men and women differ greatly in opinion on this subject. Please state your sex and whether you think a woman should:-change her name to her husband's-keep her maiden nameor -hyphenate her maiden name and her husband's namePlease explain your reasoning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Good question!I'm a female... and I don't have an answer! I think people should do whatever they think is best for themselves... Sometimes it just makes more sense for the woman to keep her maiden name, as she's already established herself in her career... Some people feel that it's better for the woman to change her name, so if any children come into the picture, everyone in the family unit shares the same last name.I don't know what I plan on doing... I'll worry about it when I have to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elementx Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 I will have to agree with Tasty 110% as far as Career and Family. But as far as the career is concerned. Than just hyphenate the name and she can always be called by her maiden name when on the job. Like she said with the family. If you are going to have kids. Than obviously there is no need for confusion by having different last names... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassa Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 i'm female and i'm going to keep my last name after i marry. just a personal preference of mine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wideskies Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 when i ask people why the man shouldn't take the woman's last name, the answer is always "i don't know... tradition?" most people default to tradition, despite there being no good reason for it except for "carrying on the family name"... why this is important, i don't know, since hardly anyone keeps a working family tree or looks up distant relatives.i carry my mom's maiden name. she didn't change her name when she was married, and i took her name because my parents agreed it was easier for people to spell/pronounce than my dad's last name. my dad didn't change his name to hers, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghhhhhost Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 im gona take my mother-in-laws maiden name Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nyckitty69 Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 In my culture, women never in a million years change their names to their husbands, or even hyphenate it. The thought doesn't even occur to them. They like to retain their own identity.I know this may be a naive question but:Why do women here do it? I know it's a personal choice, but why would any female do it (unless for tax purposes or similar)? It's not their last name, it's their husbands. it seems sexist. good question: why can't a man change his to his wife's name?Originally posted by mala What do you ladies and gents think about women changing their last names after getting married? I'm interested to see if men and women differ greatly in opinion on this subject. Please state your sex and whether you think a woman should:-change her name to her husband's-keep her maiden nameor -hyphenate her maiden name and her husband's namePlease explain your reasoning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgym Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 My argument may be somewhat vain, but i believe in it.My last name stands for a lot for me. McCook has been around since the beginning of the U.S. A band of brothers and cousins fought in the civil war, named the "Fighting McCooks". My great grandfather co-started Pittsburg steel, and represented Carnegie.Plus, i would like to see the McCook name live on, and i think it's a pretty cool name.So that's why i would preferably like my last name to hold when i get hitched. BUT, if my wife insists on having her name as well, then that's ok. As long as McCOok is there somewhere Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Originally posted by elementx I will have to agree with Tasty 110% as far as Career and Family. But as far as the career is concerned. Than just hyphenate the name and she can always be called by her maiden name when on the job. Like she said with the family. If you are going to have kids. Than obviously there is no need for confusion by having different last names... But- why? Would you hyphenate your last name as well? Would you take your wife's last name if she asked you to? Why should the woman be expected to change hers in any way, shape, or form???You misunderstood me- I wasn't arguing in favor of one or the other, I was just giving an example for each side of the debate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Originally posted by nyckitty69 I know this may be a naive question but:Why do women here do it? I know it's a personal choice, but why would any female do it (unless for tax purposes or similar)? It's not their last name, it's their husbands. Like Wideskies said, it's just tradition... a carry-over from the past, when a woman was seen as the property of her husband.The thing I REALLY hate... ex... Mr. and Mrs. George McCook (hehe ). The wife's FIRST name isn't even mentioned... as if she's completely irrelevant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magellanmax Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Originally posted by wideskies when i ask people why the man shouldn't take the woman's last name, the answer is always "i don't know... tradition?" Honestly, do you really think a guy (regardless of how much he loves his girl) will actually risk being called over the PA as :Will Mr. Peter Melissa pick line two...your wife is on the line Geez, if the call from your wifey doesnt kill you, the hustling from the guys will... why break a beautiful mold anywayz?...its not like by a woman taking up her hubbys' surname makes her any less of an individual. Besides, somebody said it best,..how do you identify with your kids if they have a dif. last name. Just for individuality?..is it worth it?I think being part of the family makes a better bond(name)... just my take..dont judge.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 Originally posted by magellanmax Besides, somebody said it best,..how do you identify with your kids if they have a dif. last name. Just for individuality?..is it worth it?I think being part of the family makes a better bond(name)... just my take..dont judge.. Well if you read NYC Kitty's post... not all cultures follow this practice... yet I'm sure that despite having different last names, both of the parents still identify with the children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magellanmax Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 Originally posted by tastyt Well if you read NYC Kitty's post... not all cultures follow this practice... yet I'm sure that despite having different last names, both of the parents still identify with the children. I dunno about that... I still think having a same identifying factor...e.g the same last name makes all the difference. Sure the parents will identify with their kids...its not like they got a choice.. they have a responsibility to own up to But when it comes to the kids..its a totally dif. ball game. Hell,..is there a better way to tell the kids that mommy and daddy aint related in any conceivable way except from whats on paper That sounds tacky...no ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 Originally posted by magellanmax But when it comes to the kids..its a totally dif. ball game. Hell,..is there a better way to tell the kids that mommy and daddy aint related in any conceivable way except from whats on paper That sounds tacky...no ? I'm not sure if I understand what you're saying... but if I am interpreting you correctly... shouldn't the loving relationship their parents have with them and with each other be enough to show that they're a family? And if *that* isn't there, what is having one name going to do for them???Actually, now that I think about it... speaking from first-hand experience, this argument is completely null and void.My parents didn't marry until I was 5... they didn't even have that relationship on paper that you mentioned. I've always had my dad's last name... I knew that my mother did not (although she did change it after marriage)... hell, when you're that age, you don't even realize that that's not the norm... it's not as if the different names formed some sort of a barrier between the three of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mala Posted July 30 Author Report Share Posted July 30 Allow me to chime in with my opinion. I think it is a beautiful gesture for a woman to hyphenate her family name with her husband's. It shows that even though she is still an individual, she is also a part of a team in which the "we" is greater than the "I". I see no reason in completely throwing away a maiden name. My surname has served me well all my life, and it would be a shame for me to just toss it away. I think I would allow my kids to use only my husbands name to avoid a hassel, but I would greatly appreciate it if they added my name to theirs if they choose to do so in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magellanmax Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 Originally posted by tastyt I'm not sure if I understand what you're saying... but if I am interpreting you correctly... shouldn't the loving relationship their parents have with them and with each other be enough to show that they're a family? And if *that* isn't there, what is having one name going to do for them???Actually, now that I think about it... speaking from first-hand experience, this argument is completely null and void.My parents didn't marry until I was 5... they didn't even have that relationship on paper that you mentioned. I've always had my dad's last name... I knew that my mother did not (although she did change it after marriage)... hell, when you're that age, you don't even realize that that's not the norm... it's not as if the different names formed some sort of a barrier between the three of us. nm... I know you are gonna rip me a new one.. Its all good tho... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elementx Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 Originally posted by tastyt But- why? Would you hyphenate your last name as well? Would you take your wife's last name if she asked you to? Why should the woman be expected to change hers in any way, shape, or form???You misunderstood me- I wasn't arguing in favor of one or the other, I was just giving an example for each side of the debate. Just going by tradition. I mean to each his/her own. I believe in the traditional way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghhhhhost Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 Originally posted by nyckitty69 In my culture, women never in a million years change their names to their husbands, or even hyphenate it. The thought doesn't even occur to them. They like to retain their own identity.I know this may be a naive question but:Why do women here do it? I know it's a personal choice, but why would any female do it (unless for tax purposes or similar)? It's not their last name, it's their husbands. it seems sexist. good question: why can't a man change his to his wife's name? ur italian..i dont understand when/where the women in ur culture dont change their last names. i may sound ignorant...but ur culture is patriarchial...and women are subjugated to the man's authority...every single italian person i know..the father dominates every single aspect of family life...and to have something like the wife not wanting to change her last name happen..would be an outrage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbolboy Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 woman should take the mans name Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mala Posted July 30 Author Report Share Posted July 30 Originally posted by ghhhhhost ur italian..i dont understand when/where the women in ur culture dont change their last names. i may sound ignorant...but ur culture is patriarchial...and women are subjugated to the man's authority...every single italian person i know..the father dominates every single aspect of family life...and to have something like the wife not wanting to change her last name happen..would be an outrage No, it is true. Many Italian women retain their maiden names, as do Spanish women. You mentioned that Italy is very patriarchal, and this perhaps is the reason they keep the name belonging to their father. Many Latina women hyphenate their names after marrying. The children take both names, but only retain the father's after they marry. I would imagine that part of the reason for keeping the father's name is for property reasons in the case that no sons were born to said father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bodiii Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 marriage is a stupid... old... religious... tradition...in that tradition...the woman takes the mans name...deal...if ya gonna change one rule...might as well change em all...how bout the woman gets me a huge engagement ring...or maybe a harley instead...yeah thats it...a name is just a name..."a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet"anyway...it shouldn't matter if you are so in love that you wish to spend your life with that one person... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 Wow, I'm surprised to hear so many old-fashioned views here. Although I really shouldn't be. If it's a beautiful gesture for the woman to hyphenate her name... then the man should be gracious enough to make the same beautiful gesture. But then I can't help but wonder what would happen for the next generation... they would wind up with four names! I'm just happy that my bf doesn't care about any of this... in his own words, he wouldn't want to change his name, why would he expect that of me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommyarmani Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 I am changing my last name to my girls' since she is such a dominaring/militant type of person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirtyepic18 Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 yeah, im not into tradition usually, but i do think a woman should take her husbands last name. I think thats mostly because i couldnt imagine my mom having a different last name than my dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgym Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 Originally posted by mala Allow me to chime in with my opinion. I think it is a beautiful gesture for a woman to hyphenate her family name with her husband's. It shows that even though she is still an individual, she is also a part of a team in which the "we" is greater than the "I". I see no reason in completely throwing away a maiden name. My surname has served me well all my life, and it would be a shame for me to just toss it away. I think I would allow my kids to use only my husbands name to avoid a hassel, but I would greatly appreciate it if they added my name to theirs if they choose to do so in the future. this needs another looksy And as far as announcing a couple "ensemble", it wouldn't be "Will mr and mrs george mccook", it would just be "will mr and mrs mccook" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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