starvingartist Posted November 3 Report Share Posted November 3 What do you place the higher value on career or love? Which "should be" the most significant? Are the questions one in the same? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bodiii Posted November 3 Report Share Posted November 3 i don't think love would make you choose...but then again...love is like the wind...you can't see it...you can't touch it...it can lift you up...and it can knock your ass down......careers...at least you can see, touch, and spend:D money... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bumpdaddy Posted November 3 Report Share Posted November 3 you can't love someone else unless you love yourself. A person has to self sufficient and happy in all other aspects of their life in order for a relationship to work. Alot of people think that finding their "true love" wikll make them happy. Personally I think you should have a stable career before you even think about getting serious with someone. Lets face reality ... most divorces start over money problems or work stress that gets taken home... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bullseye Posted November 3 Report Share Posted November 3 for me right now, its career Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starvingartist Posted November 4 Author Report Share Posted November 4 Originally posted by bodiii i don't think love would make you choose...but then again...love is like the wind...you can't see it...you can't touch it...it can lift you up...and it can knock your ass down......careers...at least you can see, touch, and spend:D money... Love itself is am emotion, what do you mean by love would not make you choose? Do you mean your partner? Well life is not perfect sometimes the choice must be made,, But what is the "right" or should be the "right" choice and for what reasons.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eccentricmofo Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 Originally posted by starvingartist What do you place the higher value on career or love? Which "should be" the most significant? Are the questions one in the same? Curious... if you would further explain the career portion of those two options it would be easier for me to choose. Are you speaking about career in the sense of following a specific path which entails moving, or continuing education in a particular field,etc... ? Its all about finding a median. If the fork in the road comes to choose one over the other... Definately beyond a shadow of any doubt choose love. If its true... then no career could ever compare... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starvingartist Posted November 4 Author Report Share Posted November 4 Originally posted by eccentricmofo Curious... if you would further explain the career portion of those two options it would be easier for me to choose. Are you speaking about career in the sense of following a specific path which entails moving, or continuing education in a particular field,etc... ? Its all about finding a median. If the fork in the road comes to choose one over the other... Definately beyond a shadow of any doubt choose love. If its true... then no career could ever compare... I left out the specifics of the situation because sometimes details cloud logically or otherwise sensible decisions. Well my career is my passion and honestly I feel they are in somewhat of an equilibrium at this point, which makes the decision the more difficult. Briefly, I'm in love and I'm debating moving. On top of that I would be traveling more frequently then I already do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eccentricmofo Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 Is it possible in your situation for your loved to move with you ? Or did the idea even come up... If so, by your bringing or his... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bling Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 i would say love but the comments said here all all good esp the one u have to love urself for others to love u .. that is somethign that i myself am workin on. and in the past year i def have started to care about myself more then i used to . i am happier now, more self sufficient and though im still without a significant other... i am content for the most part .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 Originally posted by starvingartist What do you place the higher value on career or love? Which "should be" the most significant? Are the questions one in the same? theres no romance with out finance... in the same vein, i wouldnt let a womans career impede my pursuit for ms.right... however there are limits, if she was a stripper, or a hooker or etc. or something extreme of that nature i prolly would not persue it... however on the flipside for a women this is a tougher question b/c theoretically speaking in a conventional relationship/marriage the man is supposed to be the provider, the hunter, the gather etc. and the woman will eventually become pregnant and need to be supported until she either a. went back to work or b. if she decides to quit and take on the roll of the housewife she needs to be supported along with a child... so in all seriousness from a female point of view i feel a financially/mentally/emotionally stable man is key... a must even, along with personality... in all seriousness think about it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eccentricmofo Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 Id like to adjust my opinion to as follow: If its sincere, follow your heart... fuck the career. Besides, even for a worst case scenario you'd be surprised how even the most negative of situations.. heartbreak, bad decision etc... Open up doors for soo many other paths... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 Originally posted by eccentricmofo Its all about finding a median. If the fork in the road comes to choose one over the other... Definately beyond a shadow of any doubt choose love. why~!? this way in the end you dont have either... at point in my life i did choose love... i did take the gamble... and i lost more than i ever thought... think long and hard before you do the same... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eccentricmofo Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 Originally posted by dgmodel why~!? this way in the end you dont have either... at point in my life i did choose love... i did take the gamble... and i lost more than i ever thought... think long and hard before you do the same... Sorry to hear, but maybe you can see where Im going with this. Since that obstacle in life and love was so grandure, dont you believe that it made you better off in the long run? I mean for every extreme low in my life, many a lesson was learned and I eventually came out a better person in the wash. You have also realize that love is wickedly powerful at times, and also more rare then people think. So when you have it, you shouldnt necessarily take it for granted. Kudos to you for taking the gamble, and once again sorry it didnt work out, but you must see that it was probably for the better. For you and maybe even her. You, nor I would never really no for certain. But dont allow it to jade your risk-taking judgement. Most awesome things require a risk or faith to happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 Originally posted by eccentricmofo ...dont you believe that it made you better off in the long run?... this leads to the age old question... is it better to have loved and lost or to have never of loved at all... and im sorry but i do not have an answer... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eccentricmofo Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 Originally posted by dgmodel this leads to the age old question... is it better to have loved and lost or to have never of loved at all... and im sorry but i do not have an answer... Right on point with the age old question... I have a tendency to overcomplex/overthink/etc many things in regards to my life decisions etc. Some are righteously overthought and some are not. For the past few years Ive been doing my own style philosphy on life. Although it may sound like a joke, it sincerely has worked wonderfully for me so far. Two parts... simplify....and fuck it. Meaning instead of bumbling up feelings of love and all that in between I simplify.. then when it comes to seeing that simplified result and acting upon it... When nervousness and uneasyness usually is company..I say Fuck it! and run with it full steam. Id say that way of thinking probably, make that Definately is responsible for where I am today. I feel godlike at times with the success of certain things Ive done... (tapping on a previous thread, I cant ellaborate on those deeds... ) and up to the present cant wait to see what happens within the next couple years. OK, well back to the subject... I was burnt toasted, heart in meat grinder too.... and havent fallen in love for awhile but who knows.. one of these days..ya never know.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siceone Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 Originally posted by starvingartist What do you place the higher value on career or love? Which "should be" the most significant? Are the questions one in the same? you're back again to haunt me aren't you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starvingartist Posted November 5 Author Report Share Posted November 5 Originally posted by dgmodel theres no romance with out finance... in the same vein, i wouldnt let a womans career impede my pursuit for ms.right... however there are limits, if she was a stripper, or a hooker or etc. or something extreme of that nature i prolly would not persue it... however on the flipside for a women this is a tougher question b/c theoretically speaking in a conventional relationship/marriage the man is supposed to be the provider, the hunter, the gather etc. and the woman will eventually become pregnant and need to be supported until she either a. went back to work or b. if she decides to quit and take on the roll of the housewife she needs to be supported along with a child... so in all seriousness from a female point of view i feel a financially/mentally/emotionally stable man is key... a must even, along with personality... in all seriousness think about it... Ok I see that I should have been more specific as far as explaining the situation at hand. It's quite long so I will attempt to give a brief synopsis. My passion is my career. I can not imagine life doing something else. I have put all my effort, drive and motivation towards my final goal which is having my own label. A former client has offered me a position in Milan. Quite frankly this happens to come at a time where I have lost interest in living and working in New York. This coupled with the fact that I am in love makes the otherwise easy decision to move complicated and filled with doubts. I think he would move but it is not realistic in the sense he does not speak Italian, and I can not imagine "making" him move on the account of my pursuit of fulfilling self interests.I guess the true question is whether or not love requires you to become selfless. Which to some degree I would say yes. On the same note, I do not think I could be selfless, maybe not now, maybe never.Thanks for the many replies I appreciate the input. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bodiii Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 Originally posted by starvingartist Love itself is am emotion, what do you mean by love would not make you choose? Do you mean your partner? Well life is not perfect sometimes the choice must be made,, But what is the "right" or should be the "right" choice and for what reasons.... what i meant by love would not make you choose is...someone who truly love wouldn't ask you to choose between them and a career...but in your case it seems you can stay in NYC with the one you love or move to milan and do what you love...am i right...i would say live your life...go to milan... if he wants to come 'great, so be it...'but if he don't wanna come or his career stops him from following you... he just made the same choice and chose his career...if him learning italian is his only dilema... tell him to suck it up and get on the plane...anyway...i say go... and see what happens...if i chose love over what i wanted...i would eventually hate them a little, for making me deny myself what i wanted... not that its their fault but... thats how i would feel...if this is your passion you must follow it through...fortunately...unfortunately...love comes and goes...maybe it will work out maybe it won't...go with your career and let love work itself out...good luck... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 In the long run, love is undoubtedly more important... but until you've reached the stage where you're happy with your own life, and able to make the commitment and sacrifices that are sometimes necessary in a relationship... without sacrificing your own self... then you're not at a point where you can really accept it. You asked if love requires you to be selfless... it does, but that's true of both partners. A relationship cannot survive unless you're both willing to give and, when needed, also take. Are you "just' in love, or do you really see a future with your boyfriend? Were it not for this obstacle, could you see yourself marrying him one day? If not- what's stopping you from leaving? If so- is there some way you could work around this? It really sounds as though you want to make the move. Maybe he could take Italian lessons and move out there after you've settled in. ??? The other thing you have to consider is how the relationship might be affected if you *don't* make the move...Well, good luck with your decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somebitch Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 it is pretty individual. some people think love is more important and some people think career. i dont think either are really all that important then again, when i am 70 i dont want to be alone in some tiny appartment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eccentricmofo Posted November 6 Report Share Posted November 6 Hmmm, After hearing more details I can see how it is not as cut and dry as it could be. Simple suggesting if I can muster up one of some worth... Just take some time, whether it be going to a spot to think, or the shore (awesome this time of year) and reflect. You are at a massive life-deciding fork in the road and should not regret going one path instead of the other. To note, for me personally. If my supposed "love of my life" had a job offer that would help her career take off... Id be packing the next day and studying Italian on the way. hmmmm:what: You know what... If you choose to goto Milan.. and he doesnt go... I just may know someone that would keep you company... Ok, so maybe it would be bad of an idea to just take a total stranger from a CP message board to live with you in Italy... But I promise you that if you did choose such a move, Id do my very very best to get to know you quickly during the 8-9 hr flight... lol:laugh: Mi Amor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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