bluegirl Posted February 25 Report Share Posted February 25 i used to think it would not matter if i didnt like bf's friendshowever i am learning this isnt truehis friends are ignorant, constantly making racial slursand it seems they are consumed with beer they have a lack of respect towards women in generalone even hits his gf and they laugh at this am i the only one who sees something really wrong with this??sometimes my bf acts differently around them tooso it makes me wonder how he acts when i'm not aroundand this is a huge turnoffi feel like i'm with the type of person i never thought id be withhowever i also see a good side and that is why i'm with himso the basic question isare ur friends a reflection of how u really are??if not how do i deal with this?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clubkat Posted February 25 Report Share Posted February 25 u need to let him know girl...tell him how u how u feel around his friends ::uncomfortable i bet:: and all the details u just mentioned to us now.Communication is key! Dont make it seem demanding though, like "Oh i dont like them stop hanging out with them". . .youll know how to do it when it comes down to doing it! BUT DO IT!And your friends do not give a "direct" reflection of how u are. . . but there is something that your boy obviously finds in common with these losers. . .and ya better home its not laughing at abuse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b-side Posted February 25 Report Share Posted February 25 Believe me I'm not defending his actions.... but I'm sure his friends say the same things about you....The company he keeps is usually representative of his NORMAL behaviour..... or at least what he enjoys....Not sure how long you've been together but, you're probably learning a little something about him....Bet suggestion, is not to dwell on it, focus on the positive and see if he can show that quality when he's alone.Remember most people act differently whith friends than lovers.Another reason I don't Fuck with MOST PEOPLE Hope this helps,DOC~B"Serving ALL of your psychosexual needs since 1980" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted February 25 Report Share Posted February 25 Wow- this is a tricky one. I mean, I'd venture to say that most of us act differently around our friends- leaving our sig. other to wonder how we are when they aren't around- but there are actually some serious issues here. Boys will be pigs, but there's no excuse for some of those things you described.Our friends definitely reflect something about us. However, that means that you reflect something about him as well. Maybe he's starting to move away from that kind of attitude?You have to let him know how hanging out with his friends makes you feel. As un-confrontationally as possible. (is that even a word?) It sucks because there's no way he's going to get rid of them for you, but if he's worth his weight in salt he'll try to strike some kind of balance between you. Well... good luck hon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklez929 Posted February 25 Report Share Posted February 25 This answer is harshly simple. Without any sugar coating, here's the deal. The friends will obviously be there reguardless. The question now is, well... Are you going to either learn to deal with his, and their behavior's... Or will you eventually get fed up and leave? It'll be hard enough to change him, nevermind a group of them... So ur options are... Deal with it, or move on... Sorry sweety, but this is what I'd be thinking. I am aware, though that your circumstance's, I'm sure, are far more intricate then what you have took the time to share with us, so only you would know the answer and be able to make the wisest decision here. Good luck;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nSyNcBaBy Posted February 25 Report Share Posted February 25 i think everyone kinda gave good advice here... so no need to just repeat it all.. but just outta curiousity... do u care if he reads this since he does come on here every once in a while? :worry2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boywonder77 Posted February 25 Report Share Posted February 25 First off neither me or any of my friends would ever tolerate any sort of violence against a girl. If my best friend in the world hit his girlfriend ,i'd knock him the fuck out. The racial slurs ar kind of hard, it's hard to change behavior you have spent your entire life thinking is normal. Trust me I'm from Brick, probably the most racist town in the state. When I moved to North Jersey was the first time in the world I ever had friendships with minorities, and it changed my whole perspective. But it's hard to change your friends, but the point is to slowly try. Ignorance does become frustrating sometimes though. Give him a chance to prove he's not an asshole, and don't judge him, by his friends. They might not be that bad. I know my friends seem very harsh at first, but once yoiuu getr to know them they're awesome, and they have come a long way towards being openminde about blacks and gays. If you like him, definately don't tell him his friends are assholes. No matter how much I like a girl, she has to get along with my friends, or it won't work. Because the one thing Id never do is give up my friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxlea Posted February 25 Report Share Posted February 25 There's a few of his friends that I can't STAND!! But I kept my mouth shut and very discretely mentioned to my bf what assholes they were. Believe it or not, my bf has realized now what pricks they really are and hardly associate himself w/ them. This past Saturday I had an argument over something very silly with one and he tried to disrespect me in front of the bf. NOT a good move, that just proved my theory all along; IMMATURE, CHAUVENISTIC, MYSOGYNST BASTARD!Hopefully your bf would realize what dicks his friends are and disregard the whole "we've been friends since kids". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklez929 Posted February 25 Report Share Posted February 25 I was just thinking... Do you think that maybe these guys just act this way when you are around, for the main purpose of trying to be as disgusting as possible? I mean, they may feel threatened by you in some sick way, thinking your stealing there friend from them. And to prove how displeased they are, they may give you and your man, a constant reminder of just how arrogant they can be because of this? Make's you wonder... Have the friends always been his way? How long have the two of you been together? Does he diss his friends for you? You have to ask yourself these questions... Most guy's don't know how to express there feeling's, and if they are hurt because "your stealing him" there sure not goin to tell you, or him, or eachother... This may be their way of handling this without confrontation. It's sad... but true... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djmoonshine Posted February 26 Report Share Posted February 26 tough sitaution glow... my dad always tells me this saying in spanish... show me who you hang out with and ill tell you who you are... ~don't know how true it is, but then again, birds of a feather do flock together... what is it with me and all these sayings tonight? ugh.not trying to say your bf is an asshole, but it's a delicate situationgood luck~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigpoppanils Posted February 26 Report Share Posted February 26 ok devil's advocate herecan we give him the benefit of the doubt here?has he made any racial slurs towards you personally?has he given you any indication that he like to beat up his girlfreinds?has he laughed when his freind made comments about hitting his g/f (which the comments lone, dont get me wrong, are fucked up)?do you trust him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
njdionysus Posted February 26 Report Share Posted February 26 Originally posted by glowdancer i used to think it would not matter if i didnt like bf's friendshowever i am learning this isnt true You have to be careful here because if you make a guy choose between his friends and you, its a tough call. True friends will be around forever, but women always come and go. I made the mistake of choosing a girl over my friends once and I'd never do that again. On the other hand, as much as you are a product of your own environment thats not necessarily true all the time either... when I was younger, I use to hang out with a couple of guys that got off on getting into fights all the time. I rarely got involved unless I had to because I never felt I had to prove myself to anyone. With that said, a lot of girls were aprehensive about going out with me cuz of the friends I had. They figured I was just the same, only when given the chance they found out they were wrong. As far as his friend that hits his girl, the kid should lose some teeth. No man should be hitting any female, regardless of the situation! That is one thing I cannot stand to see. One morning when we left Factory this kid on the corner was smacking his girlfriend around and it really disgusted me. My friends told me not to get involved, but I just couldnt stand there and watch so I told the kid to leave her alone. He told me to mind my own fucking business and then he hit her again. I told him to stop and he said what the fuck are you going to do about it. About two minutes later, I broke his jaw and offered to drive his girlfriend home. I did. End of story, no man should be hitting a female. Yea there are times when you'd love to, but if you have any respect for females... you just dont do it!People are ignorant but they are not guilty by association. As long as your boyfriend treats you with respect, dont make an issue of his friends. If you really like this kid, mention it to him and tell him you're uncomfortable sometimes. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perskription Posted February 26 Report Share Posted February 26 well thanks appeles thanks fo the support but with no luck i no longer have a girlfriend o well time to drink myself into into a coma everyday o well shit happens right:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonStephen Posted February 26 Report Share Posted February 26 Originally posted by perskription well thanks appeles thanks fo the support but with no luck i no longer have a girlfriend o well time to drink myself into into a coma everyday o well shit happens right:( Alcohol is the answer......chased with copious amounts of drugs.Seriously though, one of the major problems with a lot of girls I dated. I hung out in the scene and partied while I usually dated daddies girls that were not into the same things. Friends were usually the thing that helped ruin it. Fuck it, bros then hoes....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronin Posted February 26 Report Share Posted February 26 Originally posted by djjonstephen Alcohol is the answer......chased with copious amounts of drugs.Seriously though, one of the major problems with a lot of girls I dated. I hung out in the scene and partied while I usually dated daddies girls that were not into the same things. Friends were usually the thing that helped ruin it. Fuck it, bros then hoes....... <---Too many hoes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perskription Posted February 26 Report Share Posted February 26 drinking at the moment and lots of it o well all i want is hewr back Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluegirl Posted February 26 Author Report Share Posted February 26 Originally posted by perskription drinking at the moment and lots of it o well all i want is hewr back that is one of the problemsur need to drink ur problems awaydont u see ur an alcoholic?how can i care about someone who doesnt care about themselves Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
romy20 Posted February 26 Report Share Posted February 26 Originally posted by perskription drinking at the moment and lots of it o well all i want is hewr back awwwwwwww:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clubkat Posted February 26 Report Share Posted February 26 ok this thread has just made a right turn to the "We're gonna put too much information about ourselves on the boards". . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigpoppanils Posted February 26 Report Share Posted February 26 uh-ohpoor guy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boywonder77 Posted February 26 Report Share Posted February 26 Originally posted by clubkat ok this thread has just made a right turn to the "We're gonna put too much information about ourselves on the boards". . . I need help on this one I'm slightly confused. Was glowdancer, perkription girlfriend. Someone help a brother out I feel aou tof the loop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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