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happy birthday to vicman!


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You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.

You could read better if your arms were longer.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You make an appointment to see the dentist.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

Neighbors borrow *your* tools.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

You have a dream about prunes.

You answer a question with, "because I said so!"

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You know what the word "equity" means.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You got cable for the weather channel.

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Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work

The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals

You feel like the night before and you haven't been anywhere

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

You get winded playing cards

A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions

You look forward to a dull evening

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going

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