it's been a while since we broke up, but i think about it all too often, and i want some perspective on this, 'cause i still can't make sense of it. in my last relationship, the only one i really consider "real", i guess, we had had sex once way too early in the relationship; i told him it was too early and that i'd have to wait on that because it had been really wrong for me. he said he understood and that that was fine. so, after a little while, it was the first time that i was starting to feel ok about being with someone else, sexually. i was also actually starting to enjoy doing sexual things with another person, in general, which was huge. so i explained to him that, a few years ago, the only other person i had sex with had me for six hours and i couldn't move. i don't know exactly what i said, because i don't use the word, and i didn't go into graphic details, but i think i did talk about being so drugged that i was limp. the night i was explaining, he sort of cut me off because he saw that i was getting upset. and i was so happy to finally be able to tell someone, to have it be someone i cared about, and to have it be someone with whom i was going to be intimate. i felt like i was finally free of it; a guy in my life understood, cared, and would still be with me. then, when i broke up with him because all he wanted out of the relationship was sex, we had a really long breakup talk where he put up a fight about me dumping him. (mind you, this is because he wanted to keep having sex with me, not because he wanted to keep me.) and in the talk, it was made clear that he hadn't understood what i was talking about, even though i had referred to it more than once while we were together. i didn't then make it clear, 'cause there was no point. but all of the recovery i had felt stemmed from a place that i suddenly knew to never have existed; there never was an understanding, so i just shot straight down to that horrible place, that other guy still having that power over me. and i think about it almost every day. but what i don't understand is how my boyfriend could not have understood what i was talking about - how i was crying in bed, and he responded, "it's ok, you're with me, now," without knowing what i was talking about. what kind of a person would say that, not wanting to know what the problem was, just so that he could still have sex with me? or do guys just not think that that really happens, or do they not understand how much of an impact it has?